Vice UK

New York - The Dos and Don'ts of Winning His Heart

A lot of people get on our case about the Dos and Don'ts, saying things like "you guys are so fucking picky" or "you guys hold the ladies up to far higher standards than you yourselves could ever maintain" or "that chik's fat," but honestly we're not so hard to please. We just happen to like it when the ladies show a little smarts and attention to detail and don't just slather on the bronzing cream, squeeze into a pink, rhinestoned tube top, and call it being hot. If you want to see some real dogmatism in action, take a look at David Hasselhoff's ersatz gal-rider from his 80s heyday. Not only is it fine with us if you don't feel cool setting goals for your friends or think eating at McDonald's somehow constitutes "spontaneity," you can even compare us with other actors if you really want to. To David's defense though, you probably have to exercise a lot of discretion in all aspects of your life if you're intend on being one of the preeminent human punchlines of our time.

New York - New Commentary Format

You may have noticed a new little bar a little to the left from where we're saying this right now, just above the Dos and Dont's. For those of you who've been slowly stroking your chins trying to figure out its deal, we'll lay it straight for you: From now on we're just going to stick the previous issue's commentary here in one big pile of talking that sums up the previous issue. Here's two things you can do with it besides stuff it up your ass: a) you can listen to it as you flip through the issue and treat it as a DVD-commentary-type thing that gives a behind-the-scenes look at each article in there and/or b) you can use it as a substitute for the issue and listen to it on your iPod on the way to work. We won't be reading every article so it's not a book on tape but we will be reading the highlights and making sure you don't miss anything important. Think of it as an executive summary for the lazy. (PS: This gorgon is the first thing that came up when we google-imaged "vice" and "podcast.")

New York - Caution, Retards

We know that this story is old news and has made the rounds among the blogs. But Jesus Christ, did anybody notice the writing on this article? Probably all the well-dressed people in the top right had much better things to report badly, like Iraq and Sudan, so they just sent one of the mail-room retards to cover the local rock-throwing. What, is this supposed to be some sort of foray into immersive journalism?

New York - From the Archives

April 1998
HARMONY KORINE IS JESUS
THE CREATOR OF KIDS AND GUMMO ADMITS HE’S JUST KIDDING
by Jameel Bharmal

“I can’t sit there, it would make me feel weird.”Harmony Korine is unhappy with my seating arrangement. He doesn’t like the idea of lying in a lounge chair for the interview I set up. “It would make me feel like I was in therapy.” I notice that his pants are sewn together with dental floss.

New York - Russian Redux

If you've been wondering what guest editor Mark Ames has been up to since helping us put the Russian Issue together, stop. He's here, still running his Moscow ex-pat pape The eXile, and still completely out of his fucking mind. For evidence of the latter, please consider these "documentaries" he and his comrades have been putting together on the Russian food industry.

BTW, if you're ever glumming cause you're boss yelled or "it's gross out," one surefire cureall is The eXile's regular "Death Porn" column. Give it a read, then get your lungs ready to breathe the deepest sigh of relief of their lives that you were born where you were. We've been trying to get an office pool going on how Ames's body will eventually turn up, and so far the only consistent element is "face-down in."

I'm Busted - Natives Issue

This edition of "I'm Busted" was originally supposed to go in the Natives Issue. Then we decided to drop all the columns in back from that issue and were like, "OK, we'll just put it on the web with that issue." Then sombody put it somewhere and started doing something else and this seasonal montage happened where it got all covered in snow, then the snow melted and a little flower started growing next to it, then it was all sunny and some kid was banging a hoop with a stick in the distance and we were like "Oh yeah, that thing." Anyway, here it is, in all its months-delayed glory:

TEN YEARS AGO IN VICE - DADDY'S LITTLE SLUT

Debbie Dreschler’s most recent comic novel Daddy’s Girl is being banned all over Canada and the States because it tells a true story of incest and pedophilia. Where most victims of child abuse choose to repress their memories, Dreschler has put together an incredibly graphic and disturbing story that is impossible to put down. Her new book Nowhere will be in stores in October and is yet another revolutionary look at the truth. We tracked Debbie down in Santa Rosa and asked her to talk more about the subjects no one will talk about.

TEN YEARS AGO IN VICE - BULLSHITTING RUSSIA

Sometimes looking back can be puke-inducingly painful and sometimes (if you aren't a wimp about) it can be fucking hilarious.
Compare our reportage on the Russian sociopolitical clime from ten years ago to our coverage of Russia today. Back in 1996, we were wee guttersnipes who got blind drunk two hours before our print deadlines and then pounded out rants that had almost no basis in fact.
Now we're slobs who eat too many BLTs and send journalists all over the world to do our bidding, hence the Russian Issue. How about that for time's arrow?

SCANDINAVIA - SAAMI KIDS

Some of the Saami kids we talked to for the Scandinavian Natives issue got to take their artwork on tour - from Gällivare to Stockholm's International Museum of Kids’ Art. The show opened a few days ago and here are some of the things they had to say about their art and stuff ...

CHICAGO - MENTALLY ILL REDUX

Remember our Mentally Ill Issue from last year? That’s the one where we went and stayed with a group of Chicagoans who are dealing with heavy, heavy mental illnesses. They wrote every article. You can see the whole thing here.

So we just received this letter this month:

Hey guys,
I would have written this sooner but I’ve been coping with serious depression and am just now getting to a mental state that is about as close to normal as I am going to get.
I got your Mentally Ill issue soon after a stint in Chicago’s finest psych ward last year and I still keep it as a sort of literary security blanket. For some reason, when my meds aren’t working right and my mental state is all over the map, re-reading this issue reminds me that others are going through the same crazy crap and they are making it OK enough to put together an entire magazine. It’s a comfort.
I still have that issue and I’ll probably hang on to it for a long, long time. Thanks for putting it out there... it’s saved my brain more than a few times...MORE