When a new article goes up on our website, there's one guy out there busting his tiny balls to post "first!" in the comments section. He posts under different names, but we're positive it's the same dude every time, owing to the similarity of each post. We've also seen him doing it on loads of other sites. He's totally addicted. Anyway, someone's finally tracked the guy down and he's exactly the kind of dickhead we thought he'd be.