Ah, the old British Empire. I miss it. I miss being able to walk into Australia and tell them to iron my flag. OK, so we can still fly around the world spreading cricket and freedom, but it’s not how it once was. No and why’s that? Because of some blaggards who ruined the concept for the rest of us by being such psychos we had to give all the countries back. What a shame. Here are the worst imperialist bastards of all time.
Don’t be sketched out by those tropical budget vacation packages you see advertised everywhere. You are poor and you don’t need scurvy to make it any worse. Go on a vacation in the sun. If you have to, think of it as an international charity mission. Tourism is the primary industry in Barbados, for example--they need us! I already told you about meeting Seth there; here’s a Rest of Barbados Top Ten.
About three years ago, a friend of mine asked me to join this random message board. From what I've understood, it's like pretty much every other message board out there: a few hundred middle-aged retards who spend their workdays typing profanities at one another and uploading links to various obscure albums. It's a world within itself where a person is judged as being a good poster by how badly they can upset others. I'm really good at upsetting people, so I threw myself into it with a real go-to attitude. The feeling I get from typing out "go kill your fucking self" to a half dozen random strangers, is equal to that of scratching a really good itch in a hard to reach place. But that makes people turn into wild, frothing beasts. Read on for a Top Five of the best ways I've been insulted on the internet.
I started off this year depressed, unemployed with no prospects, dumped, and fresh to New York with no money and none of my stuff, living with a freak of a dude who told me he wanted our apartment to be a sanctuary but kicked off my first night there setting off fireworks inside. Then came the boxes of weapons on a daily basis. As I watched countless knives and beat-down batons join the arsenal of guns, ninja stars, machetes, lead pipes, and bats with screws driven in, my sense of feeling safe in the world declined rapidly. Depressed and terrified, I turned ever more to meditation and self-exploration, and did a bunch of soul-searching that ultimately built my trust in the universe that all will be good and sane and calm and fantastic. And it was. OK, that's really heavy and I'm sure this makes me a wimp but fuck it, here are the top ten books I read that set everything dandy in my mind and in my life.
As we near the end of this ol' dusty road called 2008, we're giving you a couple Top Ten lists to help you look back fondly on the journey of the last 364 days. Prop your chin on your fist and let out a deep, melancholy sigh as you click through Maggie Lee's favorite videos she's bookmarked over the last year. First up, "My Daughter, the Slut," Parts 1 and 2 and 3. Click below for the rest of this roundup of amazingness.
Why is it when we posted like two sentences about how The Cribs smeared blood all over their faces at the Vice UK three-year anniversary party everyone swam up like sharks sniffing for a job? Or even when warned about how soul-annihilatingly awful something was, you still just had to click—and then you blamed us for baiting you? Yeah, we can be sick fucks sometimes but guess who's even sicker? You.
We've dug out some of the most popular stuff published on Viceland this year. Readers were drawn to a mixed bag: from rogue soldiers and crazy cults to the familiar cluster of douchebags and creeps. Being a sophisticated bunch, you also tuned into the more profound issues of the day, such as racial politics, sexual prowess, animal rights, misbehaviour in school and the latest dance-floor moves...
While other publications seek out interviews with the who's who of politics, economics and whatever the hell else people care about these days (can you interview the environment?), we prefer to chat about the more pressing issues of the day, like facial hair, piss-pots, stupid tattoos, taxidermy and straight-to-DVD action movies. Here are our top ten other interviews from 2007...
Here are a few fun facts we learned this year: Simian Mobile Disco are obsessed by spoons, Justice are connoisseurs of smelly cheese, Feist was a dork in high school, and Black Kids used to like Sunday School but now they hate it. Find out more by reading our top ten music interviews of 2007...
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