If society didn't employ things like "laws" and "prison sentences," I wouldn't have to resist the urge to run out into the street and push over those dirty shits who zoom around on their certifiably moronic tall bikes. I'd set it up like a video game: 500 points for a straight push, 1,000 for a lead pipe thrown between the spokes, 1,500 for a well-placed spike strip, and a 1-UP for shooting the rider in the face with a potato gun.
Sometimes, when I'm feeling particularly distraught, I fantasize about quitting my job and organizing a group of individuals who will assist me in destroying all social-networking entities. And I'm not talking about 4chan-like pranks or some other nerd hacking shit. I want to physically and simultaneously storm the offices and data centers of Twitter, Facebook, MySpace, and whatever other online garbage people like to waste their lives on and bolt the doors shut before igniting chemical fires around their buildings' perimeters. It will be tough, but through rigorous coordination and preparation my comrades will be certain to torch every last backup and redundancy so all user data will be lost forever.
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