TECHNOLOGY ISSUE EXTRA - EXTRA EXTRA COPY SLUTS

You notice how today's featured story has all kinds of bonus boobs and butts smashed up on the glass of a copy machine? You won't find that in the print issue. Maggie Lee's been using all the smut she begot to create a classy zine that's part of her senior thesis show in a couple weeks (we'll remind you when she makes the flyer). Click down there for a sneak peek of the project, or in terms you monsters will better understand: if you keep reading this post you'll get to gorge on more Copy Sluts redux.

TECHNOLOGY ISSUE EXTRA - KILLER ROBOTS IN SWEDEN

All this stuff about robots...they seem so great right? But just when we start to trust these docile creatures they go all haywire on us and it's starting NOW, no matter what inane creature the Japanese robot constructor showed us yesterday. A guy in Sweden was attacked by a huge robot built for lifting stones. Some reports say it grabbed him by the head and chucked him around and other reports say it simply whooped his ass like a trained killer collecting his debt (four broken ribs and a close-to-death experience, that is). You can make jokes about factory workers being dumb they might as well have rocks in their heads or even get alchemical and clever and talk about the Philosopher's Stone (aka the brain) in relation to this incident, but we'd just prefer to back off the humor just in case the internet is friends with this machine of rage and wish this guy a safe and happy convalescence.

TECHNOLOGY ISSUE EXTRA - SLAP IT UP FLIP IT RUB IT DOWN

Slap Chop technology has revolutionised lunches at the Vice office. To think there was ever a time when we prepared non-slap salads is beyond us. Now some guy with a lot of time on his hands called Steve Porter has revolutionised the Slap Chop infomercial, starring super salesman Vince Shlomi.

TECHNOLOGY ISSUE EXTRA - FEELING THINGS

Robot makers these days are all focused on creating immortal info machines that are sleek and graceful, so God bless the Tokyo University of Science's soft nostalgia for 1990s-style clunkers with "skin" who looked "real," because it begot SAYA the helpful receptionist here, aka an animatronic Mike Myers. Perhaps her finished design was inevitable considering development started in 1993 and she was done only recently. Her looks and styling were created by a guy who makes a living as a love doll creator. (We got a peek at SAYA 2.0, who was made to look like her engineer's ex-girlfriend, which is actually spookier than what she looks like now.) With a vocabulary of 300 words that can be configured into 700 phrases, she talks from speakers in her tits. But don't say anything about it--or anything rude, for that matter--or she'll curl up her face like a pitbull and tell you off. Our friend Maria Ahlgren discovered this when she visited SAYA at her home in Japan.

TECHNOLOGY ISSUE EXTRA – INSIDE 55 W. 13TH, BY THE GLOW OF THE SCREEN

Our intern Emilie is suffering thesis week at Parsons, and it’s not like we care but apparently the other night she was in the computer lab until really late…
Everyone wants to die because of this, but they all still manage to look nice (because it’s a huge fashion school) so I’ve been trying to forget I’m in fluorescent hell. Instead of focusing on how many pages I have left to write, I stare at what everyone’s wearing. I can see this getting ugly if I were a tech nerd--it’s late at night and I’m surrounded by Korean girls illuminated by the glow of a brand new Mac. After a six-hour binge in this place I start to get punchy, drawing pictures of everyone I see.

VBS - FROM THE PAGES OF VICE

You've read the story (or if you haven't do so immediately) about testing our various recipes from The Anarchist Cookbook, and now you can watch an instructional video detailing the entire process from the inception of the article to swirling together some napalm. Today marks the premiere of VBS's new series From the Pages of Vice, a sort of behind-the-scenes look at how our magazine articles come to fruition. Keep reading for Associate Editor Rocco Castoro's reasoning behind forging insurance papers and putting a bunch of people he barely knows in a situation involving shrapnel.

TECHNOLOGY ISSUE EXTRA - FROM MUSIC VEST TO GRAVITY POWER

At the tender age of 16, Michael J. Waldron spent most of his spare time in Philly, buying up boxes of bootlegged eight-tracks. Once his van was full, he’d drive the them back home to Yardley, PA, where he'd sell them for a small profit at parking lot swap meets. When he wasn’t entrepreneuring, Waldron was teaching himself about electronics. He was obsessed with taking things apart, tinkering with their innards, and putting them back together again. It was only a matter of time before his two hobbies met and spawned one brilliant creation. In 1981, that creation was finally realized: the music vest. It was actually just a vest with a radio in the pocket and speakers in the shoulder, but at the time it was a pretty novel idea and its blueprint has since spawned shameless imitators like the Headphone Hat. Between '81 and '86 the Music Vest made a lot of noise, but it was silenced shortly thereafter due to a Cold War scandal. Seriously. We talked to him about that.

TECHNOLOGY ISSUE EXTRA - XXXXX

Whenever those publications about sculptures made of mozzarella or studies about the growth rate of adolescent Indians' fingernails leave you wishing you were illiterate, something comes bouncing along and blows you away. In this case it was the XXXXX-Reader. I found it in one of these shops you visit when it's raining and you've got no umbrella or friends. Amongst the rain-soaked pamphlets and punk anthologies I saw a strangly deplaced pink book. No author. No title. Just five Xs printed on the cover. I assumed it must be some kind of futuristic-cyberporn and opened it up. 

THE FUTURE - TECHNOLOGY WILL GET ME FIRED

I'm into technology so don't call me a bigot, but the first time an amputee colleague roles up to me in one of these Gillette tank suits and asks me if I’ve got the files on the Johnston merger I think I’ll paint the floor in shit. After a while everyone will get used to it and it’ll be like: “Hey Jim, do you want to come to see Girl Talk DJ tonight and have a dance with the gang? Oh God, I’m so sorry, I forgot you don’t have any legs.” Then he’ll smile and say, “Don’t worry mate, in my Exmovere Holdings Chariot I’ll be dancing rings around you!” We’ll go to the show and he’ll get all the girls because he’s on wheels so doing the moon-walk is really easy for him, then I’ll get really pissed and bitter and start calling him a cyborg in front of our colleagues and the next morning all my stuff will be in a box on my desk. Shit.
MARK DOOPLES

NEW YORK - UNBOXING THE TECHNOLOGY ISSUE

The new Technology Issue (now on actual paper with metallic foil-embossed cover to make it look more "technological," reaching far and wide across the land over the next few days, pages and pages of stuff about modifying genetics, synthetic fabric, chopped-off monkey heads, bio-info fusion, sexy Segways, mincemeat organs, blowing shit up, and general abuse of computers) got me so excited I went out and replaced my janky motherfucking phone with a piping hot new one. And then I made the grave mistake of googling the son-of-a-bitch, because I couldn’t figure out all the “apps.” That’s when I discovered a whole new frightening realm of pornography that involves denuding and skin without any actual humans. I’m sure the entire world minus one hundred people could fucking care less that there are dozens and dozens of videos on YouTube about “unboxing” (fetish speak for “I’m going to take my phone out of its packaging now and use it”), but I found the whole thing very disturbing, many flights of stairs above the level of pride and care and total weirdness of the anals who keep their sneakers really, really white. I stayed up all night watching this shit, upsetting myself over and over again. Seriously, this is the most disgusting stuff I’ve seen online in a long time. You’ll find the creepiest offender below. Listen to it with the sound on.