NEW YORK - PLASTIC PERSON CHUCK GUARINO

Chuck Guarino is a rare breed in the fashion world: part jock, part rocker, all Jersey, he makes a living doing exactly what he wants. Pretty lucky motherfucker, no? He's one of those dudes who was too cool to be a total jock but too athletically inclined to sit still, so instead of football he turned to bodyboarding (after a brief childhood stint as a competitive rollerhockey player--we're talking roller skates, not rollerblades here). His t-shirt company, Plastic People, is now in its sixth year. 

MELBOURNE - TV STUDIO SALE

We’re taking an extra long lunch today because TV, one of our favourite labels ever, is opening its doors for a rare studio sale. Up for grabs is heaps of stuff from their incredible last show (in which they made their models wear cardboard beaks and dance like birds to White Wing Dove by Stevie Nicks) as well end of season stock and samples you won't find anywhere else.
The hot tip is to get their early to pick up amazing pieces like fringed dresses, swimsuits with built in dreamcatchers and the realistic looking TV Trashbags.

MELBOURNE - GET YOUR SNEAKERS ON FREAKS

Those genius kids down at Sneaker Freaker Magazine who are obsessed with all things high-top, pump-up and slip-on for your hoofs are holding a launch party this Friday for their new 'PUMA BLACK BEAST Blaze of Glory' shoe that they have designed themselves. All the usual free booze and giveaways will apply along with a rumored special appearance. Sounds intriguing doesn't it?

BLAZE OF GLORY Launch
Friday June 27th
Provider Trainers Manchester Lane, City, 6pm-8pm

ZOOLANDER MEETS THREE KINGS

Vogue has published a fashion shoot based on "war on terror chic." Cue leggy girls with perfect tits and muscular male models simulating torture and rape. Slap on a corny title like "Make Love, Not War" and, in the mindless world of fashion, it becomes "a message." Shot by photographer provocateur Stephen Meisel, it follows the recent "fun take on rehab chic" spread, which featured 50 pages of pouting hotties posing as drug addicts...

NEW YORK - HATS OFF FOR SUMMER (PLEASE!)

In case the sweltering, will-destroying swamp-heat hadn't already tipped you off, it is now officially summer, and that means one thing: Dipshits worldwide have started wearing straw hats in an effort to recast their personality. This is basically the warm-weather version of the ill-fitting trench coat, and yet nevertheless tons of people somehow think it's a classy and distinguished way to showcase their zaniness. Honestly, unless you are an elderly black or Italian man, wearing a straw hat makes you look like you're in the horn section of a third-wave ska band at best, and at worst the parking lot of a Jimmy Buffet concert. Especially if you're a girl.

BLAVE NEW WORLD

Blipsters (black hipsters) are all the rage in New York right now, but there's a new tribe of race-bending trendsetters taking over. Blipsters beware. Blavers (black ravers) OWN London's new/nu rave scene right now. East London, the epicentre of nu rave, is home to big black communities and so racial mixing was inevitable. Soon enough the neon-clad, glitter-faced, MDMA-fuelled parties became a melting pot of all creeds. Nu blave was born...

Paris - Skinheads Vs. Bikers

The former leader of the French skinheads just opened a new bar in Paris called Le Garage. If you’re up for a mixed crowd of death metallers, football hooligans, Hell’s Angels and biker sluts, you should go say hello to Serge Ayoub. He founded the Revolutionary Nationalist Youth movement back in the 80s. Just type in "JNR" to dailymotion.com to see him in the days where he swore to fight at least once a day for the rest of his life. The guy sure had violence issues but he still wasn’t the basic Nazi skinhead. His big mouth and sweet voice made him kind of a mediatic French star that once dated pornstar Tabatha Cash, did time in jail for steroids smuggling, then became a member of a biker gang.

London - Bird Flu

"Bird Flu" is a new dance move that has swept through West African discos and is now killing it on the dancehall scene.

The dance originated in Côte d'Ivoire when a local DJ - inspired by a state-wide poultry cull called after an outbreak of the H5N1 virus - started busting moves mimicking a dying chicken. Soon all the kids were flapping, clucking and convulsing - a dance craze was born.

The Bird Flu quickly crossed to the Caribbean where Jamaican DJs Sample King and 1Dance created a song dedicated to the novelty dance. Look out for the Cancer Conga and the HIV Hokey Kokey coming to a dancefloor near you soon.

LISTEN: "Bird Flu"

NEW YORK - GROOMING SCAMS

We've been saying for years what an absolute crock men's beauty products are. The whole market is the result of a collaborative push by manufacturers and the Gays of the Fashion Industry to inflate male vanity to female levels of preening and spending. Yet in spite of our best efforts to blow the lid off this scam, straight guys are still getting up an hour early each morning to exfoliate their shaven forearms and slather tube after tube of Loreal permasheen into their chemically-fried scalps.

Unless you're a latter-day rockabilly propping up a half-foot pompadour (in which case your vanity issues are already pretty much incurable), there's no reason to put anything other than shampoo in your hair, no matter what the blackshirts at the salon you shouldn't even be going to say. No, not even "just a dollop." The same is true for crap that goes on your skin; and the same is definitely true for anything that smells like something. Ideally, the grooming contents of a guy's bathroom should be limited to shampoo, soap, toothbrush and -paste, deoderant (the one smell exception), and a razor.

If you're wondering why neither shaving cream nor aftershave made the cut, read this article from lewrockwell.com for a wake-up call. It is 100 percent right on. We stopped using shaving cream about a year ago, and within a week all the shitty skin problems that had plagued us since high school just up and vanished. A little while later we tried to start shaving without water too, but that's taking it too far.

LONDON - KIDZ WIV NEW SLANG

Overheard by the Natwest on Kingland Road today:
Here’s the scene, two teenage mums (15ish) with babies in their prams. One says to the other: “I’m going to slice your baby up with a fucking knife!” Then then both high five and collapse laughing.
Am I missing something? Has “slice you your baby up with a fucking knife” become a euphemism for “my, how hasn’t she grown?” these days? Comments please.