Dear Vice,
Young girls in sexy costumes, some called French Maid, Devil Bride and Miss Behaved, are provoking outrage on the Catholic Home & Garden website. They claim that sending kiddies into the streets to ask for candy from strangers while dressed as a "street walker or jail bait" is unashamedly "encouraging pedophilia."
Good news guys: Doomsday didn't happen! The moment the world was supposed to end - midnight on October 31st 2007 - slipped by while we were out trick-or-treating. We bet the guy who made this prediction - our old pal Michael Travesser aka The Messiah - that if Armageddon didn't happen he would have to buy us a beer while we piss in his face. We totally forgot to take him up on that. Anyways, because we slept on the Son of God's goof up on Halloween, we're looking forward to watching The End of the World Cult tomorrow night. The documentary follows
Travesser and his 56 disciples on the dreaded date. We cannot wait to
see the looks on their faces when they all do the countdown, hold their breath, squeeze shut their eyes and ... whoops!
We were a little oblivious to the big ol’ can of God-worms we were opening when we posted our interview with Michael Travesser (the supposed second coming of Christ) and then the subsequent email sent to us by one of his former followers. Suffice it to say, the deluge of comments that ensued from the Big Man himself and his devotees probably would have creeped the shit out of us if we could make heads or tails of what all they were on about half the time...
Our buddy Jim Krewson sent us this. It's part of a great lost tradition of mountainside Baptist preaching called "Acid Christianity" in which pastors would attempt to trip-out their congregation into accepting Jesus as the ultimate mindfuck and, incidentally, their savior. It may not seem quite that ethical now, but it did springboard careers of Sam Kinison, David Lynch, and Warwick Davis. (PS: I hope GodTube's happy to have nothing but boring personal testimonies rather than weird, amazing shit like this or anything that could ever be laughed at. It was like seconds after launching they suddenly realized exactly what they had done.)
Here's an interview with a Jehovah's Witness pornstar that we were going to run in the Gangs vs. Cults issue but didn't. Kim Holland tells us how evangelism prepared her for a life in porn.
Vice: What was it like growing up as a Jehovah's Witness? Kim: I was only ten when I joined. My mum had just died. My granny, who was a Witness in training, told me that I could see my mum again if I joined...
Few people want to admit it but America is Christian. 80% to be exact. It’s not just on Sundays either. They are Christian right down to their very core. Even their farts are Christian. Even their foreign policy is Christian. Even the way they convict people is Christian. Seriously.
They are obsessed with how people look in the courtroom. If someone “shows remorse” on trial or on 60 Minutes they are innocent. If they seem cold or distant they are guilty. I don’t know about you but every time I hear devastating news or am in very deep shit (guilty or innocent) I zone out. Shit, even when I’m arguing with my girlfriend my counterpoint rarely gets better than, “…”
We got a letter from God. He's actually a guy named Craig Tanner, from Washington. We think that he sent this as a public service announcement to us to show how bad drugs are for you, and basically to say, “Heaven is the best high.” Or something. We can't really tell, because God's stream of consciousness is a lot deeper than ours, and his spelling is a lot worse. But what do you expect? English is a second language for him. If he'd sent this letter to us in Yiddish it probably would have made perfect sense.
Dear Vice,
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