NEW YORK - LAGERFELD CONFIDENTIAL

Karl Lagerfeld has an alleged affinity for Vienna sausage and Taco Bell. He owns dozens of iPods, scattered throughout his estates all over the world, to which he has transferred a collection of over 60,000 CDs. He admires prostitutes but hates feigned interest, and will stamp out longtime friendships for any perceived impediment to his morale. Karl Lagerfeld is the supreme weirdo enigma of the fashion world. Don’t believe us? Well, you should watch Lagerfeld Confidential, the new documentary by French director Rodolphe Marconi. (If you're in NYC, it premiers today at Film Forum.) Shot over the course of six months, Marconi was able to capture the intimate ruminations of the pony-tailed and paper-collared erudite. We asked him what it was like to slip into Lagerfeld’s cognitive nooks and crannies.

NEW YORK - PSYCHIC ENEMIES

A month ago I applied for a job at the Psychic Friends Network out of boredom. The qualifications I listed included cat skull phrenology, an expertise in square dancing, and bad breath. So I was completely surprised when they called me back for an interview this morning...

NEW YORK - THRASH NERDS

While the rest of the world was enjoying the dusty Texas sun or whooping it up with the jocks at TJ McFaggerty's this weekend, we hiked out to one of those ridiculous warehouse-conversion projects where Brooklyn turns into Queens to see Municipal Waste play for about three minutes before their equipment shit the bed. It was a bit of a bum-out, but it did give us a chance to check in on the thrash-punk kids and see what they've been up to. Turns out pretty much the same nerdistry they've been up to for the past 20 years...

NEW YORK - THE PSYCHIC PARAMOUNT

The Psychic Paramount is one of those bands whose music is supposed to “do” something. What sets them apart from all the other chodes who claim the same thing to make themselves mysterious and artsy is that their tunes really do do something, like make you want to claw your face in disbelief at the sounds that are hitting you. It could probably be described as good trip-out music, but honestly if I was on acid I would want to be nowhere near the degree of intensity they manage to eke out. They do a fair amount of touring outside New York, but if you live in the city you’ve got a better chance of spotting a unicorn during a solar eclipse then seeing them live.

NEW YORK - GLENN BRANCA

People get all uppity when you start throwing around terms like “art rock” and mouthing off about bands being experimental. Luckily, we can circumvent these types of asinine discussions by calling on people like Glenn Branca to straighten shit out. He was one of the catalysts for the whole big bang of experimental music in New York at the end of the 70s. Bands like Sonic Youth and Swans, as well as everybody who's honked their way onto their coattails lately, most likely wouldn't exist if it hadn't been for his tutelage...