LONDON - WIN YOUR BOYFRIEND'S WEIGHT IN CHICKEN

What’s the most romantic thing you can think of? I think the most romantic thing I can think of is watching my girlfriend kill herself by eating the fried chicken equivalent of me. Luckily, while once my narcissistic feeding fantasies were pretty niche, now Britain’s favourite chain of Portuguese restaurants is catering for it. You see for Valentines Day, Nandos, in conjunction with fat girl’s magazine More, are giving away the chance for hungry young Valentine Princess to eat her boyfriend’s weight in chicken, for free! I entered this competition about 15 times so I’m pretty sure I’ve won. I can’t wait to see the look on my girlfriend’s toilet when she gets back with the annual diet of a Brixton homeless dude in her gut. It’s going to be a magical night.
ALEX MILLER

NEW YORK - A YOUNG BULLFIGHTER IN LOVE

I recently discovered that my mother, a woman happily married to my father for 25 years, once had a faraway love. They were both ten years old at the time. His name was Hernan Lozano, a bullfighter from Monterey, Mexico. They met, they swooned (hugged for longer than three seconds behind a building), and they vowed to write each other constantly. And they did, though my grandparents hated it because they were totally racist. But my mom kept the letters all this time. She sent them to me with a note attached reading, "Enjoy learning more about my bullfighter and don't forget to buy pepper spray." Here are the letters, obviously written by family members with her name misspelled each time, but they are so fucking adorable it makes your heart hurt. So screw the jaded, hardass, swaggering ten-year-old bullfighters of today who want to kill six bulls in one fell swoop; this one was a true romantic.

SYDNEY - WHISKEY BUSINESS

Everyone's favorite psychedelic cowboys, the Whiskey Go Gos are headlining the Annandale Hotel this Sunday night to wrap up their national tour with the eighties rock legends The Angels. Drain the kegs, lock up your daughters, raid your sisters wardrobe for shoulder pads and be ready cut the noose loose. Don't miss these good old boys.

3rd AUGUST 5-LATE
THE ANNANDALE HOTEL
17-19 PARRAMATTA ROAD, SYDNEY
$5 ON THE DOOR