Good morning everyone! Are you ready to watch Danny Tanner lose his marbles on the set of his Comedy Central Roast? Good, that's what I thought. Please pay special attention to the fact that he really has a problem with the parrot. That bird is a fucking cunt.
Everyone's favorite psychedelic cowboys, the Whiskey Go Gos are headlining the Annandale Hotel this Sunday night to wrap up their national tour with the eighties rock legends The Angels. Drain the kegs, lock up your daughters, raid your sisters wardrobe for shoulder pads and be ready cut the noose loose. Don't miss these good old boys.
3rd AUGUST 5-LATE
THE ANNANDALE HOTEL
17-19 PARRAMATTA ROAD, SYDNEY
$5 ON THE DOOR
You know how every once in a while you’ll meet someone so utterly
perfect, so totally exciting and funny that you can’t help but feel that you’re destined to spend a lifetime together? Only one day they’ll turn around, look you gravely in the eye and say: “I’m sorry, this isn’t working.” You might be taken aback at first, incredulous
even. But as time passes, you’ll end up wondering why you didn’t see
it coming sooner. Well, sucks to be you because Diane Lazarus would’ve totally seen it a mile off. Diane is a psychic investigator, and as well as
reading both the past and the future, she can see into your mind, commune with the spirit world and locate people wherever they might be. She claims to have made contact with thousands of spirits, and helped police inquiries in a number of high-profile cases. You
might be thinking “Bullshit!” right now and yeah, I guess it is a bit
far-fetched. But who are you going to complain to? Your girlfriend? She’s over you, buddy. Anyways, we caught up with Diane and asked her about her extra-sensory prowess.
When I was twelve, my Uncle Pat was doing time down in Fresno County for trafficking four keys of methamphetamine. My mom and he were really close, so we would always keep in touch. Sometimes he would send us cartoon pictures that he coloured with licked Smarties (they weren’t allowed colouring pencils), or big Harley Davidson signs he made in woodshop. He was pretty awesome. A
year later, he came to live with us in Vernon, B.C. He had a million
good stories and funny slogans (my favourite was: “face down ass up, it
all tastes the same”). He
was also a great source of knowledge when it came to jerking off, probably from being in jail for most of his adult life. I remember he gave me a big box of
old porn tapes and magazines, which was gold for a thirteen
year old. Then he told me about his Aryan Brotherhood cellmate Bones
who showed him how to make something called a fifi-bag. Recently he was released from jail (again) and I called him up and asked
him how to make a fifi bag of my very own.
Good news guys: Doomsday didn't happen! The moment the world was supposed to end - midnight on October 31st 2007 - slipped by while we were out trick-or-treating. We bet the guy who made this prediction - our old pal Michael Travesser aka The Messiah - that if Armageddon didn't happen he would have to buy us a beer while we piss in his face. We totally forgot to take him up on that. Anyways, because we slept on the Son of God's goof up on Halloween, we're looking forward to watching The End of the World Cult tomorrow night. The documentary follows
Travesser and his 56 disciples on the dreaded date. We cannot wait to
see the looks on their faces when they all do the countdown, hold their breath, squeeze shut their eyes and ... whoops!
Men Who Look Like Old Lesbians isn't quite as good as Hot Chicks With Douchebags (which keeps on getting better and better btw), but it's still worth a look while you count down the minutes until you can leave work and go home.
Watching old Gn'R footage and reading excerpts from Slash's autobiography makes you feel all nostalgic, like a dad going though old family photos while drinking expensive scotch at 1AM. In the unfortunate event of this happening, here are threelittlereminders of what Axl Rose was/is/always will be.
As well as performing levitation, turning water into gasoline and controlling the weather, Sai Baba has managed to dupe over 50 million people into believing that he can actually barf golden God eggs. Baba, you're busted.
It's been amazing watching the Klaxons, three kids who used to hang out at Pegah's desk, turn into these award winning, genre-inventing, pop superstars. It's also pretty amazing watching our old buddy Andrew WK meeting the Klaxons for the first time here at the Madison Square Gardens aftershow party in New York. This has to rate among our favourite rock and roll/party clips of all time. See more gurning after the jump...
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