Stating the obvious can be hard. Like admitting you’re lost. Or saying things like “yes, the dinner you burned tastes awful.” Telling someone they’re a lesbian vampire is also pretty hard as you can never be certain how that person feels about lesbians or indeed, the blood sucking un-dead.
We know we said we were done with the Tech Issue, and we are. You'll get to read some of the Brazil Issue a little later today, but until that happens, why not look back fondly on what we were still promoting three days ago and enjoy an interview with the guy who wrote Robocop.
Picture it: Me, age seven. Under the covers, all shivers, shitting my pants as Peter Weller is about to have his arm blown off by a crazed balding asshole with a triple ought. The load dropped when the shots were let off their leashes to turn a newly transferred city cop into a pile of oozing red and grey matter. It was horrifying. But from this quivering mound of dead flesh came something I never could have imagined. A man machine. A hero so fierce that he would stomp a mud hole into the ass of Detroit, Michigan’s criminal element, re-invent the idea of law enforcement, and capture the imagination of boy, girl, woman and man alike.
If you’re into violence and gore, well good, but stop namedropping lame-ass remakes of the new wave of French horror films. That’s like passing yourself off as Casanova when your only frame of reference is intentionally and repeatedly walking in on your sister in the shower. Even if the concept of French cinema seems sort of snooty and a bit gay, once you’ve been raked by these movies you’ll go, "Hey, I guess I do enjoy a creepy haircut scene in a foreign language."
Have you guys seen the trailer for Gooby? Man, we don't usually get excited over kids' movies but we think this one is going to be really special. This is one of the greatest previews of all time. Set to Arcade Fire’s “Wake Up,” the world of a boy's imagination comes to life in a stunning array of beautiful landscapes and monsters. This is frightening and awesome, combining live-action costumes and CGI faces. If the film is anywhere as kick-ass as the trailer, everyone that’s been salivating over this movie will be more than satisfied. Click below to watch.
Remember in the 70s when pornstars had real tits and magnificent bush and looked like fresh-faced California girls instead of trannies? Even if you don't know who Marilyn Chambers is, chances are you've got a pretty good mental image of her. Born Marilyn Ann Briggs to nice middle class parents in Providence, Rhode Island, in 1952, she initially moved to California to model and act in "legitimate" enterprises. Her first big break as a model came when she appeared as a young mother on the Ivory Snow box, ironically touting the "99 and 44/100ths percent pure" product just a few years before her adult film debut in the groundbreaking fuckfest Behind the Green Door (1972), the first hardcore flick to gain wide theatrical release in the U.S. Among other artsy tomfoolery-like plots and characters, the film contains what's probably still the most epic facial shot of all time, in which psychedelic semen flies at Chambers' face for a full seven minutes. Proctor and Gamble quickly dropped her when they found out about this business, which only helped promote the film more, and her famous box has since made many appearances alongside the Ivory Snow container because porn people are hilarious.
Papa bear boss guy Shane Smith was recently in Tehran shooting a hunk of the Vice Guide to Film, a six-part series airing on IFC Canada this fall, where he embedded himself with the people from the Academy Awards to sneak into the Iranian International Urban Film Festival. Blah blah blah, a bunch of ridiculous awards were, um, awarded, and then they gave Guy Maddin some kind of foreign thing, only he wasn’t there. So Shane, being a rare person from another country at this prestigious event, got up and accepted it on Guy Maddin’s behalf, delivering a speech so touching and powerful (and in Persian) that it moved the mayor of Tehran to smooch him on the cheek. The whole story in Shane's very own words is living here over at Esquire right now. Esquire!
If you hurry the fuck up with whatever you’re doing you can catch the NYC premiere of Laurel Nakadate’s first feature-length film, Stay the Same Never Change, screening at MoMa at 6:15 PM. We get a wistful tear to the eye thinking back to the interview we did with her for Art Talk about how she’d invite strange, lonely, saggy-bellied men to come upstairs in her apartment and wiggle to Britney Spears with her or draw shitty drawings of her in ruffly undies while she videotaped the entire uncomfortable thing. Now she’s got actual budding young girls in the homeland doing the same thing except it’s fiction, they’re amateur actors, and instead of dancing with men they’re obsessed with polar bears and sewing machines and Oprah. So that’s not really the same thing at all, but it evokes the same kind of is-this-voyeuristically-creepy-and-borderline-not-OK or is-this-strangely-touching-(and-not-in-the-behind-the-bleachers-way) emotional ooze. Click down there for some idea of what we're talking about.
El verano pasado, Santiago Stelley y un servidor, pasamos una semana en la Ciudad de México en el vochito azul de David Alvarado, fotografo nocturno del Alarma! buscando escenas de crimen, persiguiendo ambulancias, grabando "chicas" de 21 dedos y cenando pan dulce y atole con los fotografos de la H. Guardia Nocturna en el Monumento a la Revolución. Hicimos una serie para VBS que salió al mismo tiempo que el número de México de VICE.
Ok, here we go. Have you ever wondered what all three of the Mad Max movies would be like if they shrunk it all down to under an hour and re-dubbed in new lines then added scenes from Tina Turner Videos, Lethal Weapon clips and new sound effects? You haven't? What? No!!!!! You really should, though. Seriously. This does sound ridiculous but isn't that the point of a comedy festival. Well that's what this is a part of! The Melbourne International Comedy Festival is giving the fine people who brought you Wonka! A Live Cinema Experience a platform for their next dive into cinematic re-mastery. Critic Gene Shallot said this is possible the best re-work he's seen all week, two thumbs up! If this sounds like your cup of tea please use you eyes to read further. The Place: Bar Open The Dates: April 1-26 (wed-sun) Time: 8pm The Price: 15 full/10 concession Running Time: 50 minutes. You CAN'T Lose! For more info go HERE.
As of right now, a guy who goes by Conrad de Argentina has uploaded 6,174 videos of himself smoking various pipes in different funny hats, set to a myriad of orchestral movie soundtracks. He averages around 15 a day, and some of the video descriptions also list his current wardrobe, which frequently includes Levi’s and some sort of weird glove. At first we figured he was on some sort of Nayland Blake trip, but we emailed him requesting an interview just to cover our bases. Turns out that a) our original assumptions couldn't be farther from the truth and b) Conrad is a man of few words and great honor who seems to be trying to hasten the Reaper's approach so he can join his deceased wife in heaven. Confounded? Stay close as we talk to this man of many videos and few words…