My Jersey experiences have consisted of strip clubs, punk shows at Maxwells, Medieval Times, Buck Hunter marathons, Italian Christmas Eve feasting, and some hardcore pre-Slayer tailgating at the Meadowlands. So I was nervous about going to the shore
First of all, almost no one got my running joke about buying Def Leppard shirts, going to the Sandbar, and seeing Crystal Shit. Maybe that's because the Jersey Shore I got to see was like a clean and sunny Chinatown with ice cream shops instead of dumpling houses. Plus discount sunglasses, bizarre bootleg memorabilia, and sunshine.
After a quick pit stop at the dog beach, we headed to the Silversun Mall, a massive discount mecca featuring everything from peace sign bouncy balls to XXL bleach dyed Yankees tees to crystal Air Jordan earrings.
Unfortunately someone had stolen the other one so Audrey talked them into selling her the single at half price. Cost? $3!
These t-shirts were $2 a pop and came in every color of the rainbow. Seriously, this was better than thrifting and since there are multiples of everything there is no need to be secretive. And who can't resist a giant peace sign glitter bouncy ball? Not I!
This thing was amazing. First of all, that's a size M. Second of all, the hood makes me look like the chillest member of the KKK. Alas it was $20 and not enough of a bargain, I put it back on the rack...sigh...bad decision...I miss it already.
OK, so they sell metal shirts at Walmart and everything has been ripped off and yeah I should know that nothing's sacred but COME ON! We're talking Slayer here! Put a crown in the logo and reference the Brooklyn Queens Expressway...I have no idea what's going on here with this shirt, but it wasn't worth spending $4 on to put it out of its misery.
I wanted this in a bad way but my friend Audrey found it and there was only one. $9.99 surfboard mirror, so rad. And of course I lost out on the novelty license plates too. Seems nothing has changed since my childhood--no one likes the name Beverly.
Yeah, there was a lot of essentials...sex wax, shark in a bottle...these are real needs people!
Another need? Eel bowl erasers...doy!
We moved on cruising the stretch of road looking for discount goods and trashy scores. I'd already pounded a bacon and egg breakfast back at the house or I would have insisted on going to the Chicken or the Egg Diner.
Come on, that chicken is playing the skillet like she's Jimmy Hendrix and the egg is wearing a mask and a cape and is named Capt. Late Night!
This place unfortunately kind of sucked, we found way better sunglasses at an outdoor kiosk but the airbrushed buck-toothed camel with heart sunglasses is pretty much priceless.
We found these at an outdoor mall. Apparently they are "Dolce and Gabbana" and "Ferragmo." Two for $20.
Seriously, isn't this kind of lame? Clams don't even have faces.