NETHERLANDS - THE TALE OF KITTY-MADISON

Being born the wrong gender is tough, but being born half the wrong species is just a shit-ton of bad luck. Kitty-Madison is a Dutch woman whose sole goal in life is to be as mermaid like as possible. This is her touching story in her own words (cue violins).

When I was 15 I saw the film Splash, a movie from 1984 about a mermaid who falls in love with a man from the dry land. It's based on The Little Mermaid but with real people. That film is the main reason for my new life. I didn't care too much about the story, but I absolutely love the underwater images. Madison the mermaid is really graceful, fluent, and feminine. I can't even describe the feeling. I still long for the same experiences Daryll Hannah had. To this day, every time I see Splash, I just have to get to the water. There I find my peace and my home.

I was born as a boy. It's a fact that I'm in the wrong skin. But the fact that I wanted to become a mermaid has just enforced my feminine side. I've got tattoos on my arms because I tried to live like a man for a long time. In the end there was only one solution, become a woman or end it all.

After I saw the movie I just had one dream: To try and live my life like a mermaid. I just couldn't let go. Despite all the people who criticized me and didn't believe in my perseverance, strength, and love for mermaids, I still carried on. I tried to live out the myth as much as possible. And diving with compressed air just isn't an option, so I learned how to free dive. This meant that I could stay underwater for long times without oxygen tanks. And of course I needed a tail. My first one I made from an old legging and fins. I kept on trying different techniques to improve my tail. But some wore out really fast and others couldn't take the chlorine. After much experimenting, I met a guy at a diving convention who makes custom diving suits. He made my first mono-fin. Later, when I became Kitty-Madison, I bought the same tail that Daryl Hannah wore in the movie. Orange with glitters, custom made for me. I immediately felt a lot better. I love the water and by then I could stay under water for several minutes easily. But still something from my dream was missing. I was a male mermaid.

The last step to my mermaid existence was a transition. From this moment on my name is Kitty-Madison. My old neighbor was named Kitty and I loved that name so much that I just took it as my own. The mermaid from Splash is called Madison. My dream was almost fulfilled but the preparations for the surgery involved a lot of emotional pain. As a boy I often felt that my gender was wrong, and to top it of I wanted to become a mermaid. When I was a man I feared many times that I wouldn't be able to achieve my goals, and that was a really painful realization. But after some time I approached a specialized gender team that helps you with the process of becoming a woman. After 30 minutes I realised that it would take too long and that it wouldn't make me any happier. Besides, I felt that they wouldn't understand my dream of becoming a mermaid. My life was hanging by a thread, I didn't want to continue living this way.

After this difficult period in my life I decided to take matters into my own hands. I found my own gender-psychologist and after only four weeks I got the go-ahead. They put me on hormones, which made me tired and restless. I couldn't even be a mermaid for a while. I never had any real physical pain, but the emotional pain is still very deep from when I was a boy and to this day. I lost a lot of people around me in that stage of transition. But I guess they aren't real friends. To this day I still get hateful comments from strangers on my blogs.

Living as a mermaid requires huge financial sacrifices. But I don't mind spending money on things that I truly want. I keep my tail in a fire-safe room. It's my most valuable possession. Not just financially but also emotionally. And I had to buy more stuff to make my dream come true. A real mermaid can see underwater and never gets water up her nose, so I needed to find solutions for those problems. I bought special lenses without corrective strength, about an inch in diameter, so the water can't get into my eyes. And I've got a tom nose, the same silicone plugs that they use in synchronised swimming. You just put them up your nose and nobody can tell you're wearing them.

Now I'm a happy person. I ride my bike, I swim, and I take yoga to keep fit for my life as a mermaid. I'm in the pool four, five times a week. The first time I dove into the pool with my fin I had some very mixed emotions. Go for it, it's your dream, isn't it? But on the other hand, what if I drown. But now I'm so experienced in swimming that I've started my own company. I give workshops to teach people how to swim like a mermaid and you can book me for a show. I'm not making any money off my business but it suits me. If I could make real money with this I would never want to work again. I feel so much love for life as a mermaid that I would give up my real life. I'm glad that nobody made me choose between me lives. I really love my boyfriend, but if he tries to make me give up my life as a mermaid, I would choose life as Kitty-Madison the mermaid.

AS TOLD TO CHARLOTTE BACKX
PICTURES BY KITTY-MADISON AND GEERT VAN TOL

Comments

[Biff]

The underwater images were cool but nothing beats the mirror-on-the-shoe trick. That's tops.

[zoo]

merman (cough cough)... merMAN!

[anon]

...when you put it that way.

But I don't see the tattoos.

[Jono]

This fish looks like the Dr. Grant from Jurassic Park. She can be a fish/woman all she wants, there aint no hiding those man hands.

[Trey]

I tend to think my life is unfortunate, but when I read this shit, I understand what unfortunate is. Goddamn.

[yancy]

mermaids shouldn't have receding hairlines or combovers.

[Josh]

I think Kitty Madison needs to be put in a mental hospital. Seriously.

[bun]

lady ga-ga has a penis

[DelBoogs]

Dr Grant from Jurassic Park with a combover. That shit is golden dudes!

[Paz]

she's adorable! leave her alone, you puritans.

[Alicia en Oz]

Wholy fuc·$·"· Well if shes happy.....

[taco baby]

sure s/he's not an elf, too? check out those eyebrows.

[lazy eyez killa]

what does he do when he gets an itch on his foot? that must really suck dick.

[cate]

can everyone agree to stop obsessing over crazy trannies? the old, ugly, bat fuck insane ones get all the coverage and then the rest of us are assumed to be just like them. it's really frustrating

[john]

I think that he should seriously spend some time with a shrink!

[secret agent]

aw i feel bad for her, ppl leave her alone shes happy and what u say wont change her mind, she has feeling too and dont need ur put downs, i think its nice if it makes her happy then she should be able to presude her dreams, keep going kitty! aim high!!!!!

[me!]

its not fair.wish i was rich enough to waste money on something so stupid. there are tons of folks out here struggling with bills, and this asshole is wasting cash on fish tails.not fair at all.

[Jessica]

I want to be a mermaid too, no fairrr. ):

I call dibs on fairies!

[doc]

hey, what the heck - someone finds a way to be happy, good for them....she certainly doesn't need MY approval to do what she wants, but if she wants my approval, she's got it. She's smiling more than most of the people I see every day.

[Billie Millican]

I think if the Mer person is HAPPY we should stop being mean Dream on have a happy life I say :)

[Terri]

Well, I guess enuf said. :/

[deb]

This is a story that makes people UNIQUE and to be able to live their lives in their own way. What harm is this person doing to others by living out a dream? As she said, it was that or end it all. Besides, who has the right to criticize when there are worse things going on in the world? Like murder, war, poverty and on and on?

[funsize]

Well, all Im gonna say is all the wishing an imagining in the world won't make reality. He'll never be female or a mermaid. Some people just have to learn the hard way,
I guess.

[Lex]

Wow, some of you people are really just callous assholes. No one ever said life was fair. If she wants to spend her money on being a mermaid, let her spend her money on being a mermaid. No one asked you, it's not your money, and it's not your dream, so back off. If she didn't feel right being a man, she didn't feel right being a man. You made you the judge and jury? People like you are the reason the world sucks. She's happy. God forbid it doesn't fit your mold. Ever heard that expression, "Opinions are like assholes"? Yeeeahh...think about it.

[Ednonymous]

Eeeeeeeewwwwwwwwwww..

*shudder*