Do you?
Well, these with the birthday candles are not them. Although “they’re real and they’re spectacular.” No, these are a friend’s boobs.
My wife received a plaster caster belly mold when she got pregnant. I came home the other day to find her butt naked in my living room with another blonde bent over her. From my vantage point it looked as if the blonde was in my wife’s crotch and instantly I thought all my dreams were coming true.
Sadly, it was only my sister-in-law and she was wrapping plaster strips under my wife’s lower baby belly.
But for those who beg for naked photos of my wife, here is the shot of her naked breasts, albeit covered in plaster.
I was going to use an actual topless photo of her for my book, Skinema,
but I chose not to when I learned VICE was only going to be charging $15 for the book. I felt my wife’s tits were worth far more than that.
Baby Update
Yesterday my wife’s female OBGYN finger banged her and I got a boner. Then it went away when the doctor said there was no news, no change, and that my wife has at least another week to go.
I want this kid out now and if he doesn’t come out soon I plan on grounding him and not letting him out of the house for the first month of his life!
Two nights ago he tried to stage a coup. I saw entire feet and hands trying to push their way out of the womb. He wants out. We want him out. I don’t see the problem.
I told my wife we should have sex and that’ll help loosen things up and jar him out. I also suggested that maybe he could wrap his hands around my wang and I could just pull him out.
I’m still waiting for her to give me an answer…
CHRIS NIERATKO
the cardiel board is awesome. and tits are good too!
Posted by: hester | 03/09/2009 at 16:30
did you put those out with your mouth?
Posted by: anonymouse | 03/09/2009 at 16:36
Forget the book. I will give you $20 just for pictures of your wife's tits.
Posted by: Roadhunter | 03/09/2009 at 16:53
little chris is going to one lucky kid if it's a boy.
Posted by: dingo dick | 03/09/2009 at 17:04
why can't my birthdays be like that?
Posted by: yancy | 03/09/2009 at 17:23
Hey Chris your wife's got arms like a coalman. Maybe if being your wife/mother to your kid(s) doesn't work out she can always join WWE
Posted by: Jelly Hater | 03/09/2009 at 17:33
who is the candle blower? yowza!
Posted by: tanger | 03/09/2009 at 17:47
hey, i'm not complaining. the shot of your wife is kind of hot in a creepy way, but why was she doing this in the first place? it's almost as bad as the dads that film the birth. that's fucking gross.
Posted by: komodo | 03/09/2009 at 18:08
You better call a Veterinarian Chris because her pythons look SICK!
Posted by: ray | 03/09/2009 at 18:24
ummmm... i believe those are my wife's tits
thanks though
Posted by: Corbett | 04/09/2009 at 00:52
chris, get a twitter account!
Posted by: ... | 04/09/2009 at 02:30
You wife is fucking HOT!!!! And your baby sexxxxy is going to be hot off the woomb soon... very exciting!!!
Posted by: Sweet tits | 04/09/2009 at 04:12
She finger banged her! Congratulations on the baby, though.
Posted by: anon | 08/09/2009 at 16:10
I DO NEED A WIFE
Posted by: James | 20/11/2009 at 17:04
That is funny. Now strap it to your and put enough ham inside to simulate carrying a baby around. It ain't easy!
Posted by: See My Wife | 05/01/2010 at 20:37