So this kid hasn’t shown up yet. I don’t know what his deal is. I have the laziest kid on earth. I fear for his development. Or perhaps I am an unfit father who should have purchased him a watch so he could know what time it is and that HE'S FIVE DAYS LATE ALREADY.
"Maybe she'll go into labor on Labor day..."
HAHHHAHA! LOL! I get it...labor.
"Its a play on words."
No. You realized those are the same words.
"Maybe he'll show on 9.9.9?"
No. He’s going to show on 9/11 because that is funniest. And I'm sticking with that.
If not, we have a scheduled induction this Monday. So this kid has a few more days to get his act together and get out here. Otherwise, come Monday we're going in with the salad tongs and getting him.
We went to the doctor on Tuesday and they hooked my wife up to all kinds of machines and they said the baby is fine; he’s just not ready to come out. I told my wife, “Men spend their entire life trying to get back into pussy. Maybe he’s figured out that I’ve been begging for a month now, and he chose to stay in there permanently to avoid the cat-and-mouse game.”
The only thing that has come out of my wife this week is this gelatinous mass called a “mucus plug.” They say it’s a good sign. I didn’t feel that way at 6 AM, viewing it with a mouthful of coffee.
My friend/writer extraordinaire, Dave Carnie (who had perhaps the shortest-lived blog column on this site of any blog ever EVER EVER) asked how Lonnie was faring. I told him, “Lonnie does not want to go to the hospital to see the baby. He keeps acting like he's getting sick when the subject comes up. He says, ‘I can’t go, Seal. They don’t let patients in the hospital.’"
Dave’s response, “Well, he’s got a point. According to most insurance plans that would be considered a ‘pre-existing condition,’ and thus would not be covered. And if it’s not covered, you’re not allowed treatment. And if you’re not getting treatment for something, than you really don’t have any business in a hospital. Lonnie is smart.”
The one fun thing about the waiting process is that people are giving us their gifts early to try and occupy our time and keep us sane. A great theme has been the very personal onesies that people have been finding or making. The black one was from our friends Zered and Jenna Bassett. It was hands down the greatest onesie ever.
Then today my buddy Stevie Infante (appropriate last name for delivering baby gifts) came by the house with a bag full of custom onesies from our friends at eS, Etnies, Emerica, and Altamont. Now Zered and Jenna’s “asshole onesie” has some stiff competition.
My friend Cara said she saw a onesie that read: THEY SHAKE ME. That might be, hands down, the worst one on the market.
Thanks for everyone for all their wonderful gifts. And for those that still haven’t sent any gifts….we’re waiting.