According to some people, if you want to "go out on the pull" (that's funny British talk for picking up chicks) conventional wisdom says that you go with your friend who has that giant goiter and a weeping facial wound. Some crappy scientists have officially subscribed to this theory, presumably to drum up publicity for science and get more funding for research into how to blast meteorites out of Earth's trajectory. Unfortunately, some other scientists disagree totally and think that you've got to stand with someone so insurmountably hotter than you so the glory will reflect back on your nasty face. In an effort to get to the bottom of this heated debate, I was photographed while standing next to the assorted masses of London to see which made me look sexiest. Judge me. I can take it.
Do I look attractive while standing next to this impressively bearded man?
Do I?
Do I look more attractive while standing next to a male model posing against a wall?
Do I look more attractive while standing next to this diminutive charmer?
Do I look more attractive while standing next to this man cleaning a hotel?
Do I look more attractive while standing next to the man who invented the word "party" in 1959?
Do I look more attractive while standing next to the owner of a Jeep that has a fully functional rifle perched on top?
Do I look more attractive while casually putting my arm around a French chef on his cigarette break?
Do I look more attractive while standing next to this depressed shopkeeper?
Do I?
Do I look more attractive while being awkwardly flanked by two attractive vintage shop girls?
Do I look more attractive while perched in-between two (possibly) heavy drinkers?
Do I look more attractive while hanging with some stoners?
Do I look more attractive while surrounded by an assemblage of the opposite sex in summer shoes?
Do I look more attractive while standing next to this lime green-loving lady?
Do I look more attractive while standing next to this girl in a bikini?
Do I?
I think I look fab.
BEN COHEN
Photos by Caoimhe O'Reilly
You look the same in every single one of them and in the last one I didn't even notice you were there.
Posted by: Biff | 14/09/2009 at 15:52
keep up with the hot british chicks. they are few and far between it seems, but that accent kills me.
Posted by: uly | 14/09/2009 at 16:05
honestly I have to say you look more attractive next to the male model.
Posted by: just elias | 14/09/2009 at 16:13
you look best next to the guy who invented the word party in 1959. so would anyone.
Posted by: Ab | 14/09/2009 at 16:37
you look like a scared nerd covering up your weiner in all of them
Posted by: mark | 14/09/2009 at 17:16
You look best with the bearded man because he looks like Roddy McDowell in Planet of the Apes.
Posted by: TK | 14/09/2009 at 17:21
I think you look hottest next to the conventionaly unattractive photos. But the coincidence might be that those are just more flattering angles of you. I think you should run the test again, this time photoshopping the same image of yourself next to different people. It's a better idicator of what you are researching.
Posted by: Rebecca | 14/09/2009 at 17:26
yeah...the male model definitely does the job best...I need some attractive motherfucker to be my friend
Posted by: Uncle Scrooge | 14/09/2009 at 17:32
HAHAHA invented the word ''party'' in 1959. i love it. seriously.
Posted by: t-money | 14/09/2009 at 17:39
You've got som wide hips mate. You look like a pin on all of them.
Posted by: Pang | 14/09/2009 at 17:40
Ben you really ought to cut your hair or style it different or something. The comb over just isn't suiting you very much...
Posted by: Jimmy Stewart | 14/09/2009 at 17:42
"you look like a scared nerd covering up your weiner in all of them"
This made me almost spit out my coffee.
Posted by: George | 14/09/2009 at 18:26
I also think you look best next to the male modI also think you look best next to the male model.
Posted by: Joe | 14/09/2009 at 19:15
Me three: "you look like a scared nerd covering up your weiner in all of them". Touché, Mark.
Posted by: The Man | 14/09/2009 at 20:40
I don´t know... please, repeat it without that databank.
Posted by: Batata Fritz | 14/09/2009 at 21:29
next to the depressed shopkeeper...you shine!
Posted by: Mamam | 14/09/2009 at 22:53
you look most attractive around hot girls. DUH
Posted by: googen | 14/09/2009 at 23:02
Looks most attractive next to window cleaner
Posted by: Brett | 14/09/2009 at 23:35
you look like a cunt, with or without someone next to you.
Posted by: kill margaret thatcher | 15/09/2009 at 00:52
You looked the most attractive when I hit the little red x button at the top of my browser.
Posted by: Thuglife | 15/09/2009 at 06:59
weiner look like you next to what?
Posted by: pho queen | 15/09/2009 at 07:25
you'd probably look more attractive if you weren't so fucking worried about how attractive you are and just told some jokes or grew balls and a personality. hammerhead.
Posted by: i want to fist savannah | 15/09/2009 at 08:14
You'd look attractive next to me.
Posted by: ru | 15/09/2009 at 11:53
The two articles you pointed us to agree with one another. They're not contrary.
Posted by: Barry Alderton | 15/09/2009 at 13:19
i think this research is farkin awesome but the hair? not so much. also 'Kill Margaret Thatcher' commands respect.
Posted by: caro | 15/09/2009 at 15:46