Yesterday the internet was having a bad day. It was tired and crabby and needed its diapey changed. So we put it to bed early and today's it's been on its best behavior, so now we're all set for Ron to tell this guy how to get his girlfriend to stop batting her eyes at everything wearing human flesh.
My girlfriend is great, and our relationship is going pretty well so far (we've been dating for about five months) but when she drinks she gets lippy and flirts with other guys (and sometimes girls). She assures me that she isn't cheating on me, but it still really bothers me. I believe her and I told her to stop doing it, but I don't think she's taking me seriously. I'd rather end it now than have to deal with this for months or years to come, but I know women do not like ultimatums. How can I put my foot down without shooting myself in it at the same time?
If you’ve only been dating for five months everything is still new. That means you should still be in the mode where you believe less of what a person says and more of what they do. When you’re drinking, what’s inside of you seems to come out. If you’re an angry person, drinking is just going to bring out your anger. If you’re a flirtatious person, drinking will bring out flirtatious gestures towards people. So maybe she really does go both ways. Do I really know her? No, not really.
Based on my experiences being out there (before I was married, of course) I’ve seen and been around a lot of things. I’d be more flirtatious when I used to drink like that because I figured I had nothing to lose when I’m drunk because I was hoping I wouldn’t remember it in the morning. I wouldn’t dump her if she’s worth it outside of her drinking. What you need to do is really have a sit-down talk with her. You can say, “I’m not giving you an ultimatum, but I’d like to know where this relationship is going. If you choose to continue this way, I don’t think it’s going to work. I’m not saying if you don’t stop, it’s over. I’m just saying that these are the choices we have. It’s not an ultimatum. This is where this could lead to something nice or, it could stop. It’s basically up to you.”
Then you’re at least giving her the opportunity to say, “You know what, I see your point.” And maybe if you can bring some of her friends around and show her how much of a knucklehead she is when she’s drunk, she’ll stop. It’s like an intervention. If her girlfriends say, “He’s kind of right. You’re flirtatious with me, and I’m your friend. So, I can only imagine you with someone else.”
Then she hopefully has to take a look at herself. If that doesn’t work dude, you have to drop the ball, bounce, and hit the high road. Be gone.
But you’re right about the ultimatum situation. Women hate it. I was too smart for that. I had an older sister and I learned a lot of tricks from her about how to treat women. I’m not saying it always worked, but for the most part I learned a lot of ins and outs. Have I been hurt? Yes, definitely. But I learned from that and I learned how to manipulate the situation. I learned to ask by not asking. I suggested a lot: “Hypothetically…” or “What do you think?” I always let women think that it’s their idea, because once it’s their idea whatever happens you can’t blame me because you suggested it. It’s subliminal.
Yep, we're still doing that t-shirt giveaway thing. Spill your guts here, and if we pick it you'll end up with a "Hey Ron!" t-shirt in your mailbox.