My new orthodontist Dr. Mendelson has a unibrow the size of Mexico. It’s probably the grossest, hairiest thing I’ve ever seen. I really don’t want a three-inch-long tuft of her hair growing right near my open mouth while I'm having my teeth drilled, so yesterday, god dammit, I called Dr. Mendelson to complain.
Dr. Mendelson: Chill, mate.
I think you should have that thing surgically removed before it wakes up and eats us all, because hot damn that thing seriously looks like a rat. Come on, get out of that thing.
Are you crazy? Guys go wild for the unibrow.
Jesus help me.
Seriously. I met this one guy the other night, man he was ugly, but he told me he would lick my unibrow and shit in my face anytime. A-w-e-s-o-m-e.
Doctor, your unibrow is major, please get it waxed ASAP.
I usually comb it. It’s like a more sophisticated unibrow.
I'm fighting the urge to yank it out. Seriously I could stare at it all day long.
Hey, I'm a dentist, not a model. I earn my money fixing teeth, you dickhead.
Probably even more painful than my braces (having braces is like a living hell) was the fact that I had to go every month to Dr. Mendelson’s office and face the unibrow. Though it's all OK now, because after this conversation Dr. Mendelson told me to fuck off. Now I’m searching for a new orthodontist.
NICOLÁS LONGO
holy shit! i think she could french braid it if she got inspired.
Posted by: jiminy | 01/09/2009 at 21:32
unibrows are never sophisticated.
Posted by: tweezers | 01/09/2009 at 21:37
what the fuck is this nonsense? i've seen pussies with less hair (w/o shaving)
Posted by: d | 01/09/2009 at 21:38
geez, theres something to be said for looking professional.
Posted by: pro | 01/09/2009 at 21:38
i get nauseous enough at the dentist without having to look at that.
Posted by: gross | 01/09/2009 at 21:41
that looks like my uncle carl
Posted by: Rocco | 01/09/2009 at 21:44
Can you imagine getting laughing gas from her? It would be a non-stop giggle fest.
Posted by: Biff | 01/09/2009 at 21:52
the author is fucked up and sounds like a whiny bitch! dont hate let the unibrow flourish! go girl!!!
Posted by: e. allan poe | 01/09/2009 at 21:54
She looks like a cartoon character.
Posted by: Zach | 01/09/2009 at 22:38
YEAH, I bet she has got some gnarly bush.
Posted by: crap | 01/09/2009 at 22:52
Um, fake?
Posted by: Lou | 01/09/2009 at 23:19
lmao @ biffs comment. That would kick so much ass!
Posted by: bob | 01/09/2009 at 23:55
Frida Kahlo, DDS
Posted by: dang | 02/09/2009 at 02:18
That's what's up thought..atleast you had the guts to let her know..and even get some nice flicks in the process..
That type of shit aint even cool..she knows that shit makes the pits of peoples stomach flip..attention grabbing dentist whore..oops..
Posted by: jesus walks | 02/09/2009 at 02:49
kinda looks like the girl that smokes weed on youtube
Posted by: ZAP. | 02/09/2009 at 04:30
is it just me or are articles on vice getting shittier or what?
Posted by: bullshit | 02/09/2009 at 05:12
zzzzzzzzzzzz buenos aires is a shithole but i'm sure more interesting things happen than this fucking bullshit
Posted by: Lehiff | 02/09/2009 at 05:51
@bullshit - no, it's not just you. Site sucks these days.
Posted by: Anton | 02/09/2009 at 12:02
People, it's called Labor Day. I think most of these are written by robots or chinese people.
Posted by: Raoul | 02/09/2009 at 14:54
i like the article. kind of funny.
fuck you all, just go to the new york times site if you feel like reading classic stuffs.
Posted by: the non classic | 02/09/2009 at 15:27
jajajajaaj cant believe someone would even think about writting this!
Posted by: mn | 02/09/2009 at 15:31
Braces? Orthodontist every month? You're probably more scary looking then her unibrow.
Posted by: Jono | 02/09/2009 at 15:56
unibrow is the new black
Posted by: coco | 02/09/2009 at 17:15
best story ever!!!!
Posted by: !!! | 02/09/2009 at 22:25
she's cool
Posted by: abs | 04/09/2009 at 04:47