My new orthodontist Dr. Mendelson has a unibrow the size of Mexico. It’s probably the grossest, hairiest thing I’ve ever seen. I really don’t want a three-inch-long tuft of her hair growing right near my open mouth while I'm having my teeth drilled, so yesterday, god dammit, I called Dr. Mendelson to complain.
Dr. Mendelson: Chill, mate.
I think you should have that thing surgically removed before it wakes up and eats us all, because hot damn that thing seriously looks like a rat. Come on, get out of that thing.
Are you crazy? Guys go wild for the unibrow.
Jesus help me.
Seriously. I met this one guy the other night, man he was ugly, but he told me he would lick my unibrow and shit in my face anytime. A-w-e-s-o-m-e.
Doctor, your unibrow is major, please get it waxed ASAP.
I usually comb it. It’s like a more sophisticated unibrow.
I'm fighting the urge to yank it out. Seriously I could stare at it all day long.
Hey, I'm a dentist, not a model. I earn my money fixing teeth, you dickhead.
Probably even more painful than my braces (having braces is like a living hell) was the fact that I had to go every month to Dr. Mendelson’s office and face the unibrow. Though it's all OK now, because after this conversation Dr. Mendelson told me to fuck off. Now I’m searching for a new orthodontist.