NEW YORK - SOME WORDS FROM OUR COMICS GUY ABOUT THE DEATH OF MARVEL COMICS

It’s come to my attention that Disney just bought Marvel Comics, whole company and the characters and everything. I am sure that many folks are freaking out because they think Marvel will change. “Oh no,” dumbasses everywhere are probably crying. “Oh no, they’re going to dumb down the Punisher. There’s a sophistication to a psycho with a skull on his shirt, running around and killing people who he doesn’t like! And Wolverine, oh Wolverine, he’s an unstoppable rage-filled asshole who murders people with razors that pop out of his hands. There’s a delicate poetry to him. On the one hand he wants to kill people and on the other hand he does kill people.”

I love all comics but Marvel’s best work is long behind them and I couldn’t give less than a shit about the future of the company. I am also not stupid enough to get upset about the welfare of characters because I know they aren’t real. "Did you hear that they killed off Mysterio and Iron Man’s gay and Venom had knee surgery and Thor turned out to be manic depressive and the Scarlet Witch was just two children sitting on each other’s shoulders?" I don’t care. Good comics will probably keep coming out of Marvel at the same rate they have been for the last two decades. One or two good things every couple of years.

(Dear Marvel, I’d know what you were up to if you sent me shit to review or just one good press release a week instead of the 50 you send now.)

What I am concerned about is Disney. Why is Disney taking on Marvel, of all properties? Yes there’s money in superhero movies but it dilutes Disney. I don’t want to go to Disneyland and see Spiderman running around. Spiderman’s great but he belongs with Bugs in the Universal Studios/Six Flags theme-park ghetto. Let him frolick with the rest of fried-dough-eating, Harley-Davidson-shirt-wearing assholes who smoke Marb Lights in front of their children and the moms with the halter tops. That’s where you get to hang out, Marvel characters. You stay the fuck away from Disneyland.

Every time I go to Disneyland I weep intense tears at how beautiful the whole thing is. The smells, the intricate design, the exemplar Walt Disney set, the idea of reaching for perfection, seeing children with their parents and stupid teenagers on dates. Why did Disney have to die when he did? Maybe if he’d lived he would have made Epcot into a real city of the future instead of a really dated theme park. Maybe he would have kept these goddamn depressing superheroes out of the only place that makes me believe that people might have souls.

NICK GAZIN

p.s. At least someone else agrees here.

Comments

[eat a peach]

suck it, disney

[TK]

Walt was a pretty cool dude but all his descendents have sucked dick.

[speedy]

cinderella's castle it neat in person but for a model you definitely should have done spaceship earth instead.

[hello food baby]

'Team Rodent: How Disney Devours the World' by
Carl Hiaasen is a great little read on the evils of Disney.

[Louis]

Are they going to give Raimi another shot at fucking up Spiderman?

[Bradford]

Hahahaha... nerds.

[Jennnn]

i still don't understand why teenagers like to go on dates to disneyland. dumb.

[glen]

Shorter Gazin: 'Oh, noes! Not pappa Disney!'

I don't like comics or Disneyland, but reading this post reads like a 2yo throwing a tanty because their fucking pacifier fell out of their mouth. Yeah, you keep sucking the infantalising dick of the US cultural industry, Gazin.

Fucking Disneyland! lol

[anon]

you are all on crack.

marvel is marvel but shall be no more.

[Maurice DeGuidice]

Disneyworld is bullshit!
Wow a fake fucking castle!
Oooh, look at the perfection of design, otherwise known as wholly integrated branding!
It's so intricate. I like my fairytales and childhood memories manufactured by a Jew hating asshole!
YOu are such a fucking pussy!
You are right about marvel though!

[bdub]

Those videogames are gonna be weird. Pluto whacking the shit out of Dr. Doom with his tail

[z]

"reading this post reads like a 2yo throwing a tanty"

interesting, because reading the word "tanty" reads like the cover of Catcher in the Rye to Mark David Chapman.

[i get it]

i have drawn all my life. i must say i draw pretty well now that i'm 29. growing up i expected to one day draw for Disney. they were such an inescapable juggernaut of cartooning to me as a child. when i finally visited Disney World in 1988 i was bored out of my mind. sure there was no trash lying around and the place was pristine, but the illusion was NOT there, and this was a problem. all i saw was a bigger version of fake castles and gardens than were in any local amusement park.
Disney has maintained being a business machine. it makes sense they would buy Marvel. it will all be successful and boring for a while and everyone will just get used to it.

[durf]

disneyworld isn't disneyland numbnuts. the former has maybe a tenth of the goth and latino quotients as the latter.

[David]

iirc universal has a monopoly on all marvel rides "east of the mississippi" as long as they have one marvel ride like the hulk or something.

[Philippine Real Estate]

I can't even imagine a world of fiction without Marvel comics, its so unreal.

[Online Store]

I don't that Marvel comics is dead because its has a well known reputation and has lots of followers.

[Acai Max Cleanse]

I have been a big fan of Marvel comics. I used to read these comics during my childhood. I still love to read them whenever I get time.

[Advanced Colon]

I would like to thank you for the efforts you have made in writing this article. I am hoping the same best work from you in the future as well