Hey, we weren't bullshitting you. If we select your question, you get a free Hey Ron! t-shirt that you can't buy in stores, on the internet, or even on the black market (get it?). The sizes, however, are limited so if your entry gets picked and you ask for a certain size and it's too small or too large, don't whine about it not fitting right like the winner from last week did. Know what else isn't fitting right? Today's seeker and nice girls; he keeps attracting shitty ones. But Ron sets him straight...
Why do I attract the bat-shit crazy girls? Not just the party-crazy or the won’t-let-go-of-my-balls crazy, but the tragic do-all-the-drugs-after-everyone’s-passed-out crazy and the father-did-this-to-me crazy. I could go on and on. I am a nice but not too nice guy with great, smart friends, and then my relationships are always fucked. What do I do to change this? Help, Ron, before I get a Bobbitt-girl! To be perfectly honest, it's been a lot of fun, but I want a chance at something more.
Well, first of all, you need to stop ho-hopping. When you look in the devil’s den that’s what you’ll find. All those kind of crazy women are in those locations. If you want a nice girl, you’ve got to go to a nice place. That’s the bottom line.
How about a theater where they show pretty plays or whatever, or maybe even on the street? You can find a good girl on the street. You just can’t go looking for one late at night on a corner, but you can find a good girl. I would say a workplace because you get to know them first, but who wants to date a girl they work with? It’s not really a good idea, I really don’t recommend that. Been there, done that, and now I work for VICE. So you should not date in the workplace.
I realized this a long time ago: If you’re a good-looking man there’s no such thing as a corny line to a woman because she finds you attractive. I realized you can say something to ten different women and the one that finds you the most attractive will give you the most play. Like, one time I asked this girl to have a lick of her ice cream. You might laugh, but she gave it to me. You know what, I had my daughter with me and I told my daughter, “Let me show you how easy it is to pick up women.” And I asked this girl for a lick of her ice cream, she gave me a lick of her ice cream, and the next day she took my daughter and I to the aquarium at Coney Island.
What I am trying to say is that it’s not hard to pick up a woman if you at least dress decent, speak decent, and look decent. It’s just hard to let go of your money. I’m not good at letting go of my money; I’m more into collecting money.
If she talks about kids, talking about you being her parents, or if she asks you for every one of your phone numbers so she can contact you, let it go. If she starts texting you at two in the morning just to say hi, let it go. If she tells you about her past experiences and how all her guys treated her wrong, let her go. That is a definite no-no because she is looking for a person who is going to take care of her and talk about her problems. That’s not what you’re looking for; you’re (probably) not a therapist.
If she’s crazy it’s kind of hard because she’ll slash your tires and maybe even slash you. I can’t really relate to someone telling me they can’t get out of a relationship because then you’re a punk to begin with and that’s probably why she’s with you. I don’t find it hard to get out of a relationship. You just say, “Hey, this thing? It’s not working,” and bounce. Hell they got text now, you don’t even have to call: “Go away, you’re crazy, leave me alone.” I mean, how hard is it to break up with someone? Cheat on them, and get the hell out of there.
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