Hey, we weren't bullshitting you. If we select your question, you get a free Hey Ron! t-shirt that you can't buy in stores, on the internet, or even on the black market (get it?). The sizes, however, are limited so if your entry gets picked and you ask for a certain size and it's too small or too large, don't whine about it not fitting right like the winner from last week did. Know what else isn't fitting right? Today's seeker and nice girls; he keeps attracting shitty ones. But Ron sets him straight...
Hey Ron!
Why do I attract the bat-shit crazy girls? Not just the party-crazy or the won’t-let-go-of-my-balls crazy, but the tragic do-all-the-drugs-after-everyone’s-passed-out crazy and the father-did-this-to-me crazy. I could go on and on. I am a nice but not too nice guy with great, smart friends, and then my relationships are always fucked. What do I do to change this? Help, Ron, before I get a Bobbitt-girl! To be perfectly honest, it's been a lot of fun, but I want a chance at something more.
Well, first of all, you need to stop ho-hopping. When you look in the devil’s den that’s what you’ll find. All those kind of crazy women are in those locations. If you want a nice girl, you’ve got to go to a nice place. That’s the bottom line.
How about a theater where they show pretty plays or whatever, or maybe even on the street? You can find a good girl on the street. You just can’t go looking for one late at night on a corner, but you can find a good girl. I would say a workplace because you get to know them first, but who wants to date a girl they work with? It’s not really a good idea, I really don’t recommend that. Been there, done that, and now I work for VICE. So you should not date in the workplace.
I realized this a long time ago: If you’re a good-looking man there’s no such thing as a corny line to a woman because she finds you attractive. I realized you can say something to ten different women and the one that finds you the most attractive will give you the most play. Like, one time I asked this girl to have a lick of her ice cream. You might laugh, but she gave it to me. You know what, I had my daughter with me and I told my daughter, “Let me show you how easy it is to pick up women.” And I asked this girl for a lick of her ice cream, she gave me a lick of her ice cream, and the next day she took my daughter and I to the aquarium at Coney Island.
What I am trying to say is that it’s not hard to pick up a woman if you at least dress decent, speak decent, and look decent. It’s just hard to let go of your money. I’m not good at letting go of my money; I’m more into collecting money.
If she talks about kids, talking about you being her parents, or if she asks you for every one of your phone numbers so she can contact you, let it go. If she starts texting you at two in the morning just to say hi, let it go. If she tells you about her past experiences and how all her guys treated her wrong, let her go. That is a definite no-no because she is looking for a person who is going to take care of her and talk about her problems. That’s not what you’re looking for; you’re (probably) not a therapist.
If she’s crazy it’s kind of hard because she’ll slash your tires and maybe even slash you. I can’t really relate to someone telling me they can’t get out of a relationship because then you’re a punk to begin with and that’s probably why she’s with you. I don’t find it hard to get out of a relationship. You just say, “Hey, this thing? It’s not working,” and bounce. Hell they got text now, you don’t even have to call: “Go away, you’re crazy, leave me alone.” I mean, how hard is it to break up with someone? Cheat on them, and get the hell out of there.
Love,
Ron
Why do I attract the bat-shit crazy girls? Not just the party-crazy or the won’t-let-go-of-my-balls crazy, but the tragic do-all-the-drugs-after-everyone’s-passed-out crazy and the father-did-this-to-me crazy. I could go on and on. I am a nice but not too nice guy with great, smart friends, and then my relationships are always fucked. What do I do to change this? Help, Ron, before I get a Bobbitt-girl! To be perfectly honest, it's been a lot of fun, but I want a chance at something more.
Well, first of all, you need to stop ho-hopping. When you look in the devil’s den that’s what you’ll find. All those kind of crazy women are in those locations. If you want a nice girl, you’ve got to go to a nice place. That’s the bottom line.
How about a theater where they show pretty plays or whatever, or maybe even on the street? You can find a good girl on the street. You just can’t go looking for one late at night on a corner, but you can find a good girl. I would say a workplace because you get to know them first, but who wants to date a girl they work with? It’s not really a good idea, I really don’t recommend that. Been there, done that, and now I work for VICE. So you should not date in the workplace.
I realized this a long time ago: If you’re a good-looking man there’s no such thing as a corny line to a woman because she finds you attractive. I realized you can say something to ten different women and the one that finds you the most attractive will give you the most play. Like, one time I asked this girl to have a lick of her ice cream. You might laugh, but she gave it to me. You know what, I had my daughter with me and I told my daughter, “Let me show you how easy it is to pick up women.” And I asked this girl for a lick of her ice cream, she gave me a lick of her ice cream, and the next day she took my daughter and I to the aquarium at Coney Island.
What I am trying to say is that it’s not hard to pick up a woman if you at least dress decent, speak decent, and look decent. It’s just hard to let go of your money. I’m not good at letting go of my money; I’m more into collecting money.
If she talks about kids, talking about you being her parents, or if she asks you for every one of your phone numbers so she can contact you, let it go. If she starts texting you at two in the morning just to say hi, let it go. If she tells you about her past experiences and how all her guys treated her wrong, let her go. That is a definite no-no because she is looking for a person who is going to take care of her and talk about her problems. That’s not what you’re looking for; you’re (probably) not a therapist.
If she’s crazy it’s kind of hard because she’ll slash your tires and maybe even slash you. I can’t really relate to someone telling me they can’t get out of a relationship because then you’re a punk to begin with and that’s probably why she’s with you. I don’t find it hard to get out of a relationship. You just say, “Hey, this thing? It’s not working,” and bounce. Hell they got text now, you don’t even have to call: “Go away, you’re crazy, leave me alone.” I mean, how hard is it to break up with someone? Cheat on them, and get the hell out of there.
Love,
Ron
Spill your guts here, and if it's good enough you'll end up with a "Hey Ron!" t-shirt in your mailbox.
get a good girl but you'll still want a little crazy in your life. just wait and see.
Posted by: aaron | 25/08/2009 at 22:29
bat-shit crazy chicks like anybody that give them the chance. its called standards.
Posted by: reality | 25/08/2009 at 22:30
can't believe that asshole complained about getting something for free. if it doesn't fit give it to someone. best present ever. or hang it on your wall or something. jesus.
Posted by: olga | 25/08/2009 at 22:32
if youre gonna cheat on a real crazy chick, id get out of there FAST
Posted by: careful | 25/08/2009 at 22:32
maybe you should stop dating chicks that do tons of drugs. some girls just cant handle it.
Posted by: drugslldoit | 25/08/2009 at 22:35
Ron is a role model for the confused and incapable.
Posted by: apt | 25/08/2009 at 22:37
apt is a role model for shit smears
Posted by: stuff it | 25/08/2009 at 22:41
date girls that don't do drugs but don't care if you do. girls are more greedy with drugs than guys and they expect you to pay for everything anyways.
Posted by: komodo | 25/08/2009 at 22:57
girls are extremely greedy with drugs. they need to get some fucking manners. HOPE YOUR READ THIS, GIRLS.
Posted by: perfect tits | 25/08/2009 at 23:43
You can tell a girl is bat-shit crazy right off the bat. You radar and sonar is broken. Sorry buddy, you're doomed.
Posted by: Bob | 25/08/2009 at 23:53
you need to fight more women. if you battle a woman early on in the relationship and you win, then you know there's more fun to be had.
Posted by: CheetoTeeth | 26/08/2009 at 01:43
if it wasnt for this guys FUCKING MAGNIFICENT advice - every. single. time... i would say you're just flaunting around your hired tough guy.
actually no i wouldnt that would be fucking gay.
im going back to work.
Posted by: retard | 26/08/2009 at 01:54
yeah... just don't tell the crazy chick you fucked around...
Posted by: gregarious greg | 26/08/2009 at 15:40
more great advice, Ron.
Posted by: Bun | 26/08/2009 at 15:40
You see how jacked Ron is in that picture!?! I'm sure he could ask anybody for a lick of their ice cream and they'd gladly oblige.
Posted by: Jono | 26/08/2009 at 15:50
Y'all are trippin'... crazy chicks are great..they are WAY MORE FUN than boring ass church gals and they are great in the sack. AND YOU ALL FUCKING KNOW WHAT I AM TALKING ABOUT. They also are pretty easy marks and they know how to party... But yeah, alas.. my days of messing with wayward women are over. I ended up knocking one up and that is something you def don't want to do.. ;(
Posted by: Halcyon | 26/08/2009 at 17:21
..furthermore good girls can be a little on the crazy side at times as well! They watch a lot of cheezy romance movies and crap reality TV. When life doesn't imitate art (AKA things don't play out like they expect) they tend to get a bit on the coo-coo side as well. Don't front you guys know what I mean too..
Posted by: Halcyon | 26/08/2009 at 17:25
my man will wash u up quick
Posted by: ali baba | 26/08/2009 at 23:42
If you like to chat with hey Ron go to Hey_Ron at on tweeter
Posted by: Pharoh | 19/11/2009 at 14:33