NEW YORK - FUCK THE OLD TIMEY: AN INTERVIEW WITH ZACH HAZARD VAUPEN

 

Zach "Hazard" Vaupen is a funny guy who made last Sunday's comic. He lives in Baltimore and knows all the hip young people there and is confused when he comes to New York and sees young attractive folks with tattoos who he doesn't recognize. He's got some great tattoos, has done some great comics, and Victor Cayro thinks he sucks.

What's with the Anarchy eyes?
C.R.E.A.M. (Crass Rules Everything Around Me.)

Do you have recurring characters?
No never, but every character I draw is related. By blood. That's why they all have practically the same face and have retarded children. 

Victor Cayro hates your comics.
I really haven't figured out how to make interesting comics for Balds yet.

What would you do if Victor attacked you?
I'd probably pee in his face while he was halfway to pile-driving me, then while he was brushing his teeth to replace the gross taste of pee with Tom's of Maine, I'd sucker punch him. Right in the mom.

Are you still punk?
I'm in a Crass gang, so as long as Crass lives on I'm punk as fuck. 

Which people and what trends are you sick of in comics?
I just really don't get fucking any of Ryan McGinley's comics or any of his "naked comic road trips." 

What are you liking?
I've started loving Suehiro Maruo so much that I got a tattoo of one of his paintings on my arm. I also really like shit those Toronto kids like Michael Deforge, Chris Kuzma, Patrick Kyle, and Ginette Lapalme are doing.

When are you going to do something that's published by a fancy name company or any company?
Whenever I can figure out how to stop updating my tumblr and start drawing wieners again.

What do you think of my work?
I like it a lot. As I speak I have two drawings you gave me hanging above my head and some copies of pictures you and Ines Estrada drew that she sent me. Everything else I've seen I hate. 

Am I an asshole?
Yeah but you're charming (in a creepy way) and draw good so people put up with it. You can publicly dry hump me anytime, buddy.

You got some of the best stick and poke tattoos I ever saw. Crass in cursive, peace symbol, that high school notebook "S." You got any new mistakes in the works?
I got a stick and poke of a guy with three butt cheeks recently, but my friends and I recently purchased a tattoo machine, so our mistake quality and frequency will be much higher/bigger/larger.

How much was that tattoo machine?
I don't know, like a little more than $50 or $75 or something? And a liter of the blood of an innocent.

Are you gonna be one of those old guys with saggy skin who's arms look like they're upholstered with a floral pattern 'cause they are covered in lots of color?
I'd rather be a young guy like that, but yeah probably. I'm preparing an Al Jaffee-style fold-in tattoo for when my skin is loose enough. 

What's your favorite current band?
As in band that's still making music and touring? Shit...maybe Weedeater. No wait, Eyehategod. I've also really been digging Morne lately. And Rwake.

Are you in a band?
Yeah, I have a stoner doom band with my friend Adam (of Nothingberry Plasma fame) called Tired. We get as tired as possible and try to play as late as possible. Last time we played we both fell asleep on stage and I broke my bass guitar. 

Bands.
I also have another musical project called Livejournal or Deadjournal depending. I get really drunk and take people's Livejournal or Deadjournal entries and turn them into poorly constructed improv songs. You can Youtube it if you're curious.

I don't like any new music.
Who does?

And Matt Groening already did the fold-in tattoo in the episode where Marge goes to jail. If you had free reign what would you make a TV show about?
If that's true find me an animated gif to prove it!
My TV show would be about a family of yellow people with a dynamic where the dad is bald and stupid but always funny, the mom has tall blue hair and a smoker's voice, the son would be a Generation X-style slacker/rebel with a slingshot and spikey hair, the daughter would be a genius and could play the saxophone, and the baby could talk to the dog. 

What if you only had a hundred bucks budgeted per episode?
Then it would just be about the coolest thing I could buy for $100 that week and how someone could use it in a high society jewel heist.

What about no money?
It would be a reality show about you at work e-mailing me questions as you think of them while I'm trying to take a shower and eat breakfast in the middle of the day.

I'm glad that there are less old-timey people in the comic world now. More internet jokes is where it's at.
Me too, olds are gonna kill comics with their "comics theory" and "inking classes."

 NICK GAZIN

Comments

[olga]

yup. if you're in a crass gang you are definitely punk as fuck.

[dickwillycockballs]

i neeed to get back into drawing weiners as well, its been too long.

[holy fuck]

i just spent about 5 mins looking through the tumbler, fucking awesome, altered beast! madballs! i love those shits.

[The Host]

I think Victor Cayro hating you might be taken as a compliment.

[eek]

ahhH! that photoshop man is scary

[badabing]

i think victor sucks.

[unimpressed]

what an idiot

[somebody else]

dear interviewer, who gives a shit about you? get over yourself

[Maskeleinen]

Amazingly annoying. Punk doesn't exist.

[Alice]

that punx undead comic is maybe my favorite thing in the entire world

[.pho queen]

this guys comics are a helluva (like 50x) better than the johnny ryan fucker. vice should fire that other guy and hire this guy instead.

[gaydad]

Johnny Ryan is. fucking hack and is just a parody of himself

[big fucking weiners party]

i bet this guy draws huge fucking weiners

[Wenz]

for some reason, that punk's not dead comic reminds me of Neck Face... Are you Neck Face?

[bruke]

this is the worst interview i've ever read

[bruke]

nevermind i just read the johhny ryan one