Sometimes I might pull together the perfect outfit, successfully swaddle my funky trunk butt/blimpy beer sac into a slim aerodynamic illusion of cuteness, only to be defeated by the reality of my stupid face. My big dumb head ruins all my fashion efforts like perching a drippy bag of sausage and marbles atop the old Xmas tree. Mysterious bumps and crusty pimps are ever-present, and sometimes scary black hairs will grow overnight. A single one of those fucks are as creepy as a spider pincer.
There is no cute outfit ever that will cure this! The battle is continual for me, but most of us do have at least a few big dumb face days where you wish your head was an unessential option that could only be used for emergencies. Luckily, I feel a fashion forecast approaching where we will all be hooded, masked, secret-faced beings soon enough. Until that welcome day when our affordable GAP hoods are made available, I turn to the world of bondage hoods for inspiration. The options are limitless!
You can go for straight-up Don't-talk-to-me, I-am-a-person-with-a-bag-on-my-head look
To mega sack
to agro sac
to oily, wet, mega-freak sack.
For brutal hate yo'self days this one is extra padded so you can bang your head freely against any hard surface and you won't pass out.
This one I call "elegant nostrils."
How about the Kool Moe Dee?
The motorcycle seat nose style
Do you feel this black labia?
Or are you red labia?
Maybe you are both: a black, red, labia sweet surprise, just unzip to reveal your startled grin.
What about animals? Are you a saucy white rabbit?
or menacing black?
or shy frightened puppy?
We all are a little bit "aloof pig," are we not?
Bad day but yearn to be near your loved ones?
What are you staring at, Dick Nose?
Aw! Pretty bow!
Chillaxx hun, have a Coolatta...
Your makeup looks pretty!
The eternal paradox?
Get it giiirl!
Snort your raisins!
Although nothing--and I mean nothing--can compete though with this totally modern, minimalist, sensory deprived hood. Your reality can be a all candy pink sex bicycles, Redi-Whip and naps in this happy bubble of cute black vinyl and hooks.