This is David M. Shayler. The one not on the cross. Shayler used to run the Libya desk of Security Services. He was a spook back then. But his fortunes have since declined. These days he's just the son of God. The revelation that he was the Messiah, the Chosen One, J*h*v*h, was, he says, one that caused him to literally fall to his knees, overwhelming him with bliss that was “beyond any sexual or physical experience.” As you might imagine. In many ways he's a reluctant deity. “I never chose to be the Messiah,” he insists. “It's quite an embarrassing thing, actually. I kept asking myself, why me? But I can't ignore the signs...”
The signs – a typical conspiracist's stew of Kaballah, Biblical end-times, and stuff he's copped from Dan Brown novels – will be naggingly familiar to anyone who's ever opened The Bible Code, a David Icke book, or any one of dozens of green-inked pamphlets of its ilk. Shayler's currently sitting inside a squat in Abinger, Surrey. He lives here these days, smoking dope and trading rants with his teenage squat buddies. Beyond this psychedelic threshold however, he's a fast-rising figure in the world of paranoid saviors, and he's been inducted into David Icke's pentagram of acquaintance. “I think of him as John the Baptist to my Jesus Christ.” But there's a certain niggling rivalry in there too. “I think a lot of what David says has value. But he concentrates too much on the negative. He can tell you what's wrong with the world. He can't tell you much about how to put it right.” And you also diverge on the key policy area of a super race of lizards who run the world? “Yes. But I definitely believe in the Zionist conspiracy.”
From what he goes on to describe, the Zionist conspiracy sounds very serious indeed – the world turned chessboard by a cabal of sinister oligarchs, who cause wars and rattle their sabres for capitalism while keeping the populace in check with bread, circuses, and the need to make regular mortgage payments.
A pop psychologist might argue that Shayler's interest in otherworldy conspiracies was piqued after he became the center of a real-life one. In 1997, he blew the whistle on MI5's investigations into key Labour figures like Peter Mandelson – bunging a lot of secret service files to the Mail on Sunday in exchange for a £40,000 check, before fleeing to France. Certain to be arrested if he returned, it was from Paris that he made his famous appearance on Have I Got News For You, playing "live" on Paul Merton's team while encased in a television screen that the crew had hooked up via the satellite feed. (“It was one of my proudest moments. Even if they tried to trip me up by putting me on a two-second delay so I couldn't follow everything.”) Halfway through, Merton turned him off.
A few weeks later, Shayler was arrested. He spent four months in a French jail while they decided what to do with him. And another six in Belmarsh once they did. After he'd paid his debt to society, Shayler gradually disappeared further down the rabbit hole of conspiracy, while at the same time maneuvering his fleeting celebrity into a slightly less-fleeting celebrity. He had a regular column with Punch Magazine and he got invited to a lot of parties as a schleb attendee (“I remember standing at a urinal and Mike Nolan from Bucks Fizz saying to me, 'You're that guy from MI6, aren't you?'”). He made enough cash out of writing assignments and appearances to put himself up in a tidy art deco pad just off Baker Street. In 2003, he skittered across our screens once again with his opposition to Iraq and the "9/11 Truth" campaign – debating head-to-head with Christopher Hitchens on a no-planes platform. And in 2007, he became the Messiah. So it goes.
He has a talent for finding his way back into the public eye, does David M. "God" Shayler. So when he turned up in Abinger Hammer the other week, living as a woman in an anarchist squat under the name Dolores Kane, it seemed almost a logical progression.
“The Messiah is a tranny,” he instructs us, from the comfort of a cushion in his squatly home, surrounded by a coterie of baked bros and bro-ettes. “That's God's greatest joke – remember that the Divine has a truly great sense of humour. The prophecies say that the Messiah is both male and female in form. Therefore, in line with the prophecies, I choose to be both man and woman. You see, Mary Magdalene and the Virgin Mary are actually both the same person.”
In the corner of the room, a young boy with a miniscule head is lolling on a cushion as he tunes into Shayler's latest rant. He chucks back that tiny head and explodes with giggles. Everyone stops to look at him. He keeps on laughing, hysterically, stuck in a feedback loop. He's unendingly tickled by something. “Too much acid?” someone asks. Yes, it's that kind of party. A spliff goes round. Shayler puffs, puffs, passes, and rants on. He's much more lucid than a potted biography would suggest. His intellect remains sharp. It's only his judgment that's warped beneath the years. One minute he'll be discussing The League Of Gentlemen – how they're “the finest comedy actors of their generation,” analyzing in clever detail the ways in which original radio show was more macabre than the eventual TV series. The next, he's plonked himself back onto his divine hobby horse and you're up to your tits in obscure pagan symbology.
On 19 January this year, at around 11 AM, he walked into Number One Court at the Old Bailey and told the judge and assembled courtiers that he was the son of God. This was, he says, the beginning of his proper mission, the seminal moment when human justice – an eye for an eye – was replaced by his own mantra: love one another. He's big on love. The judge apparently took his wig in his hands and fled. Shayler was bundled out by bailiffs. But despite both the prominence of the setting and Shayler's own fame, the event went entirely unreported. He was simply Crazy Number 19 for that week, shoveled unrecognized out onto Fleet Street. He didn't even get a chance to mention the end of the world (it's on 23 December 2012, trivia fans).
But since he was "rediscovered" a month ago by an enterprising local newspaper reporter, business is picking up. He's had calls from the Independent, the Mail, even a few TV production companies sniffing round. (“The best offer I've had so far was from National Geographic TV, actually.”) David Icke has turned his spectral world view into a millionaire lifestyle, so why shouldn't Shayler? Especially now that his last few shekels have finally run out. With all the money finally gone, David met his fellow squatters – mainly in their teens and twenties – at a free rave earlier this year near Guilford. He'd just come back from a stint in Amsterdam and was staying with a friend up near there. They began life squatting another farm, Tyting, before the council moved in to evict them. They got hold of a list from the council showing which properties weren't paying tax and found the place they currently reside in. “We didn't even have to break anything – we just got in through an open window,” a boy with hair matted thick like matzo bread says. “At Tyting we set up an organic farm. We were teaching people about how to grow more of their food locally.”
Bob Marley blares from a nearby stereo. Bob Marley. As we puff-puff-pass, a girl with dyed pinkish hair sits cross-legged on a pillow, dabbing watercolors into abstract hippie pictures in her journal. What does she think of her mate Dave's whole Messiah thing? “Well,” she ponders, “I can't prove that he's not the Messiah. I mean, if David says that he is, then I have to believe that he is until I have evidence that he isn't. Everyone's just here to do their own thing, you know? No one's judging anyone.” Bob. Marley. Plays. On.
“I mean, I am God in man. I'm fallible,” David shrugs. “I've made mistakes. I admit, I get it wrong sometimes. I'm learning here as much as anyone else.” What does he have to say to people who think he's schizophrenic? “Well, I would say that the signs of schizophrenia and the signs of a religious awakening are ultimately indistinguishable from each other. I could be wrong. But obviously that would contradict all the signs.” Before he can elaborate, a ghostly voice comes from the celing. “This is God talking toooo yooouuuu.” I look up. Two squatters have clambered into the rafters. They giggle. The boy with the tiny head hoses himself. Shayler puffs on, unperturbed.
After two hours my dictaphone is brimming with Revelations symbology. The rain is chucking it down in Abinger as we make plans for the last train home. David Shayler is a lovely madman. The comparison he makes with Icke is pretty instructive. Despite whatever similar force has possessed them both, David Icke seems crippled by his paranoia, but Shayler seems to be genuinely happy-go-lucky. As we depart, he has a final watchword. “You know, I have a feeling you may have been a Greek philosopher in a past life, Gavin. You should definitely research it.”
Which one? Plato? “No.” Aristotle? “No.” Epicurius? “Yes,” he glints, “definitely Epicurius! Definitely. That's incredible. How did you know?”
Lucky guess?
I don't think he's God but I do think he's a lot cooler than David Koresh, so he's got that going for him.
Posted by: The Host | 06/08/2009 at 15:53
great! god's a hippie. just what i needed to find out. there goes my chances of ever getting into heaven.
Posted by: hi fructose | 06/08/2009 at 16:24
it seems like his friends/ fellow squatters just have him around to laugh at him.
Posted by: joke | 06/08/2009 at 16:44
i bet MI6 tortured him until he went nuts.
Posted by: conspiracy | 06/08/2009 at 16:46
i'll support the magic hat.
Posted by: Bun | 06/08/2009 at 17:21
this is enough to make me rethink my support of marijuana legalization.
Posted by: lazy eyez killa | 06/08/2009 at 17:43
The article doesn't emtnion that the French authorities freed me because my offence was political or that I blew the whistle on Mi6 funding Al Qaeda or that there is no reliable evidenc eof planes being used on 9/11 or that I went through one of the unfairest trials in English history or that you do not have to pay your mortgage under the Law or any other number of things that might empower people or that we were unlawfully evicted from our homes, which were burnt while our crops were destroyed.
The intelligent may want to read more about how we can save the world in four months, feeding the 800 million starving adn ending our dependence on fossil fuels...
See www.tytingcommunityproject.org.uk
Posted by: Dolores Kane | 06/08/2009 at 18:31
Having known David for a bit now and being one of his "friends" I certainly don't keep him around just to laugh at!. He is one of the most loving and warm hearted people I have ever come across. He has made an impact on my life for which I will always be grateful. He has and still is teaching me how to be happy within my self. I have nothing but respect and love for this guy. Even if you don't believe he is the Messiah you should still find the time to listen to what this very intelligent guy has to say.
Posted by: Gem | 06/08/2009 at 20:38
The girl claiming she can't prove David ISN'T the messiah so she'll believe he is until proved otherwise is using false logic. You can't prove a negative. I can't prove there isn't a teapot orbiting the sun between Mercury and Venus, so I'll just believe there is one there until someone proves otherwise. That kind of thing doesn't work for people interested in truth and reality.
I'm all for teaching about love and self respect. That stuff is all excellent. But you don't have to believe you are the Messiah to do it (or that it is the messiah teaching you). We all have infinite love inside of us and the ability to show each other and teach each other about it. Delusion, however, is never helpful.
I hope these guys don't get too devoted to the idea that David is something he is not. At best they'll be extremely disappointed. At worst they could get completely brainwashed (I'm not saying that's his intention or anything, but charismatic people can often inspire blind devotion).
I have no problem with their lifestyle. Squat away. Grow your own food. Love each other. But think critically as well. Open the doors of perception but don't get lost in what you might find there. It's not all true and it's not all real.
Posted by: S13 | 07/08/2009 at 17:29
If Shayler is the messiah, I'm switching religions.
Posted by: Wenz | 07/08/2009 at 20:44
Shayler, where are you now? We need your wisdom. Get back on the web. We are all waiting.......
Posted by: goodorigins | 01/07/2010 at 14:57
The Royal Family also claim that God has given them divinity and that's how they are where they are today. Rich and dumb as fuck. Are they schizophrenic to believe that god has given them a divine right to rule over their SUBJECTS? Charles Darwin is on the back of the £10 note... Isn't he the Atheist's poster boy? If everybody stops believing in god, does that mean that the royal family loose all their power? This english (german) royal family, are the same family who caused the Irish Holocaust of 1850. Don't trust these messiah and divine rights assholes. If there is a god, then we're all children of him or her or it. Shayler is ex-MI6... he was sucking the queens balls for years. Maybe he's doing this to discredit his own work on purpose? I dunno, it's all so dodgy. All's I know is that 9/11 stirred a lot of shit and building 7 fell into it's own footprint, the bbc reported this 20 minutes before it happened, and now 1.3 Million Iraqi civilians are dead. Powerful politicians like Tony Blair are mass murderers and should be in PRISON! We're clever enough to stop fighting for these rich fucks and start to take out countries and heritage back. We need to hold onto diversity, it's the spice of life. I am actually the new Messiah, Shayler's only in it for the money, the english cunt.
Posted by: Charles Venus | 05/05/2011 at 14:39
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