AUSTRALIA - SMASHING PIZZA WITH DANANANANAKROYD

Last week we were faced with the conundrum of What do you do with a many-membered Scottish band who’ve already been interviewed and covered by every magazine and website in the country, and who were all bummed-out as a result of losing their lead-singer-slash-drummer to a badly broken arm at a gig the night before. Clearly sitting around talking about music and reminding them of the fact that it was going to be a long time between shows wasn’t going to be fun for anyone, so instead we went out and bought a whole lot of shit from the supermarket and got everyone in the band to make a signature pizza. There is honestly nothing like it to take your mind off your problems and maybe get to know each other a little bit better.

First up was Duncan the guitarist, who demonstrated some lateral thinking and made good use of the opportunity by dividing his pizza into two halves--a savoury half and a sweet half. He created a foundation on one side with tomato paste and mirrored this on the other side with a layer of fresh mushed strawberries and then continued along these lines; mushrooms one side, marshmallows on the other, and so on, until he had a two-course Frankenstein that frightened everyone in the office but its creator, who declared it delicious.

Next master chef was David, a charming vegetarian and also a guitarist in the band, whose creativity was stifled by his appetite, claiming he was too hungry to mess with the standard pizza formula. While making his boring pizza, however, David stuck his evidently dirty hands repeatedly into the grated cheese packet until the rest of the band were loath to follow him.

Following David was Ryan the basist, who happily claimed to not be a big fan of cheese anyway. Clearly an eager carnivore, he combined duck and salami and tried to make the other guys in the band vomit by throwing bits of said meats at them.

Calum, the singer from the band who wasn't in hospital with a broken arm and who had the look of someone for whom food wasn't a great priority, then started blindly combining chunky mushrooms and brussels sprouts until the acne ridden face of a Furby emerged. He definitely won points for making a pizza with personality but it's still unclear as to whether or not he actually ate any of it.

Finally it was Paul's turn. Faced with a table strewn with vegetable ends and empty jars, he changed his original idea of making a giant dick and instead chose to represent all the seasons over the four quarters of his pizza. He did this with absolutely no regard for the tastiness of the final product, instead combining chocolate, donut, coconut, jelly snakes, and basil to create a visually stunning depiction of Mother Earth in all her stages of life. Unfortunately without cheese, tomato paste, or lubricant of any kind, his post-heated pizza resembled something closer to the end of the world.

VICE STAFF

Dananananaykroyd's album, HEY EVERYONE, is out now on Dew Process. We wish John a speedy recovery from what sounds like one helluva painful injury. 

Comments

[buttheadfacearsefacehead]

Cute.

'Girlfriend' magazine would love an article like this!

[narrrrrrrr]

you can't put sweets on pizza! that's even worse than pineapple!

[grunder]

pizza MONSTER!

[TonyFunfetti]

some of the most disgusting pizzas ever. this band must be foreign?

[mmm]

i've never had brussel sprouts on pizza but it sounds kind of good!

[lou]

i'm with david on this one.

[ken]

they are all wrong. chocolate doesn't go on pizza. jelly worms???? come on! my grandmother would bend them all over her knee and keep spanking until they knew how to make a real pizza.

[Eddy]

What a waste of food. Band guys suck.

[din-din]

these pizzas fuckin suck cock!

[Wenz]

I'm quite disappointed by this. Quite disappointed indeed. I was expected to leave this page hungry for pizza, and now I'm quite the opposite. Oh well.