week we were faced with the conundrum of What do you do with a many-membered
Scottish band who’ve already been interviewed and covered by every magazine and website in
the country, and who were all bummed-out as a result of losing their lead-singer-slash-drummer
to a badly broken arm at a gig the night before. Clearly sitting around talking
about music and reminding them of the fact that it was going to be a long time
between shows wasn’t going to be fun for anyone, so instead we went out and
bought a whole lot of shit from the supermarket and got everyone in the band to
make a signature pizza. There is honestly nothing like it to take your mind off
your problems and maybe get to know each other a little bit better.
First up was Duncan the guitarist, who demonstrated some lateral thinking and made good use of the opportunity by dividing his pizza into two halves--a savoury half and a sweet half. He created a foundation on one side with tomato paste and mirrored this on the other side with a layer of fresh mushed strawberries and then continued along these lines; mushrooms one side, marshmallows on the other, and so on, until he had a two-course Frankenstein that frightened everyone in the office but its creator, who declared it delicious.
Next master chef was David, a charming vegetarian and also a guitarist in the band, whose creativity was stifled by his appetite, claiming he was too hungry to mess with the standard pizza formula. While making his boring pizza, however, David stuck his evidently dirty hands repeatedly into the grated cheese packet until the rest of the band were loath to follow him.
Following David was Ryan the basist, who happily claimed to not be a big fan of cheese anyway. Clearly an eager carnivore, he combined duck and salami and tried to make the other guys in the band vomit by throwing bits of said meats at them.
Calum, the singer from the band who wasn't in hospital with a broken arm and who had the look of someone for whom food wasn't a great priority, then started blindly combining chunky mushrooms and brussels sprouts until the acne ridden face of a Furby emerged. He definitely won points for making a pizza with personality but it's still unclear as to whether or not he actually ate any of it.
Finally it was Paul's turn. Faced with a table strewn with vegetable ends and empty jars, he changed his original idea of making a giant dick and instead chose to represent all the seasons over the four quarters of his pizza. He did this with absolutely no regard for the tastiness of the final product, instead combining chocolate, donut, coconut, jelly snakes, and basil to create a visually stunning depiction of Mother Earth in all her stages of life. Unfortunately without cheese, tomato paste, or lubricant of any kind, his post-heated pizza resembled something closer to the end of the world.
Dananananaykroyd's album, HEY EVERYONE, is out now on Dew Process. We wish John a speedy recovery from what sounds like one helluva painful injury.