SNEAKY LEAF'S DIARY OF A DEALER - GANJA PORN NOVEL

I’ve seen from some of your comments that some of you are wondering, “Why in the hell doesn’t he fuck some of these girls?” The first reason is that I see more pussy in one year than most of you will see in a lifetime, and I’m not a desperate, nutless jack-off like some of you! I get plenty! So I don’t need to lose my shit every time an opportunity presents itself.  

Most of the girls I date are topless dancers. Ordinary girls, like I mostly meet on the service, don’t really hold a candle next to the limitless erotic genius of strippers, so it’s generally not too tempting. Also, the volatility that always accompanies sex and intimate exchanges is super-dangerous for dealers. There can’t be a single example of a couple that fucked together and yet were completely peacefully co-habitating, or even just co-existing, 100 percent of the time. So it’s inevitable; you fuck, your lives intertwine, somebody invariably gets pissed off, and now that pissed off person has your freedom and life in the palm of their angry hand. I’m sure this isn’t a gender issue, but in my case I date girls, and a considerable number of them have scared the living shit out of me with their antics when they are pissed off and ready to use what they know about me against me.

Trouble will scare people away from a lot of things, but generally, sex is not one of them. Sometimes it’s just too inviting and delicious to resist. I flirt with a lot of my clients, but I generally don’t mix business with that kind of pleasure.

Many tens of thousands of drug dealers that currently languish in state federal prisons are there courtesy of their jilted ex-lovers. But there she was, answering the door at 11:35 PM in super-sheer cotton casuals, moist and sweaty from her twice weekly yoga classes. She has a very warm, disarming sense of humor, and I instantly forget all my paranoid fears. Not all of Biggie Smalls’ “Ten Crack Commandments” apply to weed hustling, but the one about not mixing family and lovers with drug business is right on.

But Miranda was so lovely and giggly and open so I didn’t hesitate to roll a gram and a half into a fat joint, knowing exactly where it was going. Once you start swapping saliva back and forth as you share a joint, you’re already sort of halfway to makeout city. When she asked me to shotgun the smoke into her mouth, I felt my dick getting hard. The faint smell of her yoga sweat mixed deliciously with the weed, as we leaned into each other and gave each other a short kiss on the lips.

After all the smoke had been transferred, we both pulled back for a second, laughed, and looked into each other’s eyes in that way that makes you go, “Holy fucking fuck… we’re gonna fuck!!!” We did a couple more shotguns of smoke into each other’s mouths, and then we started making out hardcore. Another customer got my cell phone vibrating in my pocket next to my dick, but I was not answering! It was the end of the night and whichever clients I couldn't get to would get deep discounts when I next saw them to make up for the fact that I was blowing them off for tonight.

Miranda massaged my leg as we made out, and she eventually found her way to my cock. She had such a gentle motion with her touch, and it felt awesome. I slowly moved my left hand up her skimpy workout shirt, over her hard nipples. We both softly moaned as we tongue fucked each other. Without saying anything, she lifted her hands in the air and stared right at me with eyes that said, “Take off my shirt!” I did, and she unbuttoned mine and did the same for me. We embraced, made out a little more, and she stopped. I thought, “OK, she’s realizing she doesn’t want to do this…”. 

I was wrong, however. She leaned back on the bed we were sitting on, extending her legs in the air, impressing me with a few yoga maneuvers, and then she slid off her pants with a playful giggle. My cock was throbbing and dying to be set free!

Miranda reached over to a small table and grabbed the still smoldering joint of spectacular G-13 haze. There were many levels of haze, but G-13 is some classy shit. She put it into my mouth and started taking my pants off. I took a few deep pulls, savoring its sweet, pungent stink. She grabbed the joint, took a massive toke, handed it back to me, started going down on me, and exhaled the smoke all over my cock and balls. This really did look pretty wickedly awesome, and her wet mouth felt incredible. Fuck, I’m hard right now just remembering this shit! 

I leaned back on the bed, grabbed her by the hips and pulled her sweet cunt right down on my mouth. You can taste a girl’s diet in her pussy, and she ate good! We’re in a 69 position, and the warm skin-on-skin feeling with cool air-conditioning circulating over us in the middle of summer felt like paradise! The smell of her sweet vegan pussy and vegan ass melded with the G-13 haze cloud that enveloped the room was some serious aromatherapy!

She slid off my pussy-glazed mouth and sat on my cock (in porn, this position is called, “reverse cowgirl") without a condom. Trouble! I am so not complaining, I LOVE sex without condoms--everybody does! It feels incredible! But I had to concentrate hard not to blow my wad too soon. 

She whispered something but I couldn't hear because her rattling air conditioner was too loud. “Put your thumb in my ass,” she said louder, but still in a whisper that sounded smoky and sexy. I didn’t say this, but I was thinking, “A thumb, jeez! Don’t you want to try a pinky first?!” But I kept it to myself as she grabbed some kind of oil out of her night table and sloppily covered my thumb with it, and then guided it up her ass. This girl had such initiative!

She had tits big enough for her to reach her own mouth, and she sucked hungrily on them. She moaned in a kind of way that made me want to lose my shit. Her left tit flops out of her mouth as she announced, “I’m coming!” She ground her pussy hard on my dick, which really hurt my nuts for a second, but she jumped right off and started pumping my dick with her mouth. I didn’t want it to end and tried to last as long as I could, but once she started playing with my nipples and balls at the same time, I told her, “I’m gonna cum!” She pulled my cock out of her mouth and started jacking me off and spanking her tits on my dick. The first shot of cum went right over her shoulder; the rest squirted all over her tits and drizzled slowly off her nipples and on to the floor.

SNEAKY LEAF

Comments

[Girl]

Is that the same torso that had a bathing suit made of weed in the last blog

[el cape town]

VIVA VUVUZELA!
GET ONE AT YOUR LOCAL CNA

NOT!HAHHA

[Seth]

After all the smoke had been transferred, we both pulled back for a second, laughed, and looked into each other’s eyes in that way that makes you go, “Holy fucking fuck… we’re gonna fuck!!!”

I love that look.

[wolfpck]

a dealer who dates topless dancers? shocking

[omBudsman]

Damn Sneaky. My guys never give discounts for being late. You got your shit down pat. Kudos.

[nast]

ew, this is gross.. isnt sneak leaf like over forty anyways? no one wants to hear about that

[bloodyknows]

that was a pretty generic porn story. not impressed.

[pipi plunger]

This shit story was a fake ass wet dream from a limp dick stoner.

[blarg]

Here's my weed porn story:

I smoked a bowl of shitty mids at my parents house, went upstairs, crawled into my bedsheets which needed to be washed 5 months ago and then jacked off to preggo porn. And then I won a million dollars.

[Jonny]

This sudden sexual conquest story doesn't tie in with your dorky, uncomfortable-around-women personality that came through in the last articles. I call bullshit and I call limp dick.

[jermajesty]

I smoked some weed from a Mountain Dew can then fingered my dog. THERE
Now can I too write for Vice?

[tom cruise]

I think this is the first time the smell of vegan ass in the heart of summer has been spun in a positive way.

[ambrose bierce]

weed dealer has good sex and wants to tell everyone about it, and what a badass lifestyle he leads.

in other news, i just cut a massive and satisfying fart. this chessy porn-lite retread brought the flatulence out from deep within my bowels. so there.

[ambrose bierce]

correction: it was actually rather CHEESY.

chess didn't really enter into it.

[why lady?]

Read the first paragraph and immediately thought "fuck this guy."

[PrincePuddin]

This sounds like it was written by a 14 year old. I'm glad I get my weed from dispensiaries instead of amateurs like this fool.

[Ted Dancin]

...and then I paid her

[leafysneak]

currently balancing my keyboard on the tip of my boner

[simon]

is the penthouse forum?

also.

never happened. hahaha try hard.

[chris cameron]

What a fucking cunt - Fuck off with your shit - what age are you 10??

[orangecatbludbandanna]

sounds like your insecure with yourself, and if you didn't have to prove anything to malicious comments, then you didn't have to write a shitty article about it.

[Robert Windwood]

Thank you for sharing.

[Mr.A]

Cool!...true or not,it was a nice weed-fuck-story/article to read dude!
...be it true we can all go fuck ourselves with envy though!!!hahahaha

[justin]

bullshit nothing goes like that and i actually do fuck bitches and sell bud... do u get paid for this shit... i hope ur editor reconsiders

[Sruti]

06.16.10 at 8:26 amNeighborh00dcAnd some oriole on this site I swear don't know how to detbae and read right . I'm not trying to make this a racial thing. But what can you say about the video seen here who do you see acting up a lot throwing chairs and causing a ruckus ? Sorry it hurts me to see my people act this way. Acting like savages. It would be different if people paid for the show and never show up and couldn't get a refund then I see this video being ok in a way. But fact is this was a free show if u didn't want to wait then leave fuck you got to act a fool and mess it up for the rest of the people that want to have a good time and want to see a show . Simple as thAt. People are commenting that oh we waited too long. Dude how about waiting from 3pm in like 10 degree weather in les by the river to see Shawn white at the red bull snowboarding contest that shit was free and mad white people there with few of my people and it was free and no one acted up once I was tired I left didn't make a fuss and went home. Anyone that was there can say the same thing. And niggas was giving out free shit all day. Everyone had fun. So people need to stop being uptight cause a nigga speak. The truth sorry but what I saw is what I wrote .