SNEAKY LEAF'S DIARY OF A DEALER - ASSHOLE STRIPES

I was strictly a consumer of weed for nearly 19 years before I became a weed hustler. In all that time, almost every guy or girl that I bought weed from was more or less an asshole. Still, I have a soft spot for all those people. Every prickly asshole has their charms. I’m convinced, however, that it doesn’t have to be that way, and I very conscientiously make a huge effort to be a very warm, friendly, honest, and ultra-respectful alternative to the hundreds of impersonal large slave delivery services. It helps that I genuinely like people, and most of my clients are people that I genuinely look forward to seeing. 

The main thing I do to stay cool with my clients is--are you listening worldwide hustlers?--I don’t rip people off! This is the primary way most dealers earn their asshole stripes. Sometimes they short their clients a few grams, sell them low grade plants at high grade prices, suddenly come up with some bullshit reason why the ounce has to be 50 bucks more expensive, or they throw in a ton of stems and/or shake. The list could be infinite. I don’t do any of that shit. 

There are other dimensions to weed dealer assholery. Like, paranoid for seemingly no reason assholes. This one guy, however, as a consumer, I really got wrong. Once I called my guy and asked if I could refer a client and bring him with me to his house. “Just you, and you alone,” he said, angrily. I was pissed because I had been a loyal, problem-free client for more than ten years when I asked about referring a friend. Here’s what I couldn’t understand at that time as a consumer: Any dealer working out of his house, as this guy was, is at risk of having that house and everything inside confiscated in a bust. Or, if the wrong people find out you have a pound or two, and find out where you live, you, as a dealer, could get your brains blown out. Sadly, it happens all the time, sometimes for as little as a quarter or half pound.

Even just a half-pound of stolen prime shit is life-changing money if they retailed that stolen merch, a couple grams at a time. A half-pound of Sour Diesel could bring in six grand or more. Or if someone doesn’t know a dealer personally or care about that dealer, and they know where that dealer lives, they can and might set that dealer up with police if they get in trouble themselves on drug related charges. So anybody working drugs out of their own home has all this and more to worry about every time someone new shows up on their doorstep.

In my guy’s case, a friend of a friend stole a pound and almost beat my guy to death in the process. In that case, as the consumer/client I was the asshole, not him. If a friend of your friend tried to kill you by beating your skull in for a pound of weed, I guarantee you would be a giant prickly paranoid asshole too! Some of these dealers have to put their freedom in the hands of total strangers, as often as twenty times a day, seven days a week. That does something to the human psyche, and it’s generally not good.

Having said that, a little love and respect would go a long way, and I wonder, weed dealers of the world…WOULD IT KILL YOU TO SHOW US SOME?!!

SNEAKY LEAF

Comments

[nonasshole]

I disagree. all of my dealers are kind of overly nice and weirdly friendly. I always just assumed it was cause they were stoned though

[cameran]

violence related to weed is pretty pathetic. Weed just isnt a drug that you beat someone up over

[weedkitten]

that picture is cute.

[jason]

i've almost always bought through friends and i mean real friends, not pot friends. keeps things care-free and we all get really high at the time of sale.

[pussy weed]

that kitten is gonna be soooooo hiigh. lucky kitty

[simple common sense]

haha the advice is pretty straightforward, dont be a dick, i think that this could be applied to more people not just dealers.

[@pussy weed]

the cat must already be high to let him put so many buds on him. my cat would have been under a bed after two.

[Fuck Russia]

Who need catnip when you have all that?

[jermajesty]

is that catnipple?

[francis]

shout to the potheads

[cool breeze]

fuk yall niggaz. i'll pop that jaw for a bud of that good shit

[rawr]

i feel sorry for the cat.

[DEEZ NUTz]

i agree with this . not all dealers have the privilege of just selling pot to happy college kids..Try selling crack to a bum or a crack head cashing their day labor checks or paying you in paper bags of lose change or selling meth to some trailer park fucks that where already holing a AK and pacing when you got their . being an ass hole can save your life .

[runny paint]

pint of bothered landlord, grow your own.

[Halcyon]

Most dealers are cool.. here in CA where everyone sells weed it's no biggie. You go some other states where dank weed starts to get rare and it becomes special and inflates dealer's egos. They think they are hot shit because they sell weed and act like cunts.. lol

[Cello]

I need to get to know this guy! haha

[LW]

I need to find this guy!! whats the digits so we can page...any recommendations for NYC?

[beautycrisis]

umm ... pineapple express ..

[Karim]

Legalize it, and you get none of that shit.

[Glossolalia Black]

If it were legalized, my crippled old mom could get something to help with the pain of her botched spinal operation. She takes roughly 20 - 25 pills a day, and they're expensive.

[Capt Burnout]

Thank god for cannabis clubs.

[generic cialis]

watta cat men, that taste can be intresting

[L]

dude, that cat might not want your bud. be thoughtful of an innocent magical creature.

[Jimbo]

Thin of all those poor saps tat will be smoking cat hair along with their expensive KB

[Viagra Online]

That cat is pretty cool. I bet he had great dreams and good night sleeps in that comfy bed. And by the way, I appreciate you are one of the few dealers that actually care about us.