If the daily hundred-degree heat in Madrid this summer makes me crack and I decide to go on a killing spree, you can rest assured that it won't be primary school kids or heads of state that get shot up. No. The outlet of choice for my homicidal rage is those street performance artists who clog up anywhere you'll find a steady flow of tasteless morons who don't understand the value of currency that's not in notes (aka tourists).They are, quite simply, a plague. If Estonian prostitutes don't get paid just for standing on the street looking like a trolley dash in a Maybeline factory, then why should I give money to a gay cowboy painted silver with a duck whistle in his mouth?
But it's worse when they try and make a statement. This weekend I saw a woman on her knees pretending to clean the street next to a sign that read "This performance is dedicated to the silent women of history." Good point Emmeline Pankhurst. But even if it wasn't a laughably simplistic reduction of at least 100 years of public discussion about gender equality, the fact remains that you expect me to PAY for this. That's not performance dude, that's fucking extortion. It's a big, shiny guilt trip, and one you should pay me for--for fighting the urge to scream "Idiot!" in your face.
What really gets to me is that it's begging without the lack of self esteem that a good beggar should show at all times. Don't make out like you deserve it. Like you're doing me a favor by standing on a stool caked in mud for five hours.
Just when I'd consigned them all to an eternity of horrible torture in my fantasy hell (which is getting pretty crowded), I found this walking legend.
I love this guy. I have no idea what his real name is, as after I took the photo up top, he disappeared from his usual spot and I haven't seen him since. And it's depressing me. Finally, there was someone who got it. Someone who could laugh at himself for the sake of bringing home a few extra euros. Someone whose gut alone could tell more stories than a pathological liar on dexedrine at a Scientology convention. But where is that gut now?
PAUL GEDDIS
i hope he shoots extra strength webs or he's not going to be doing very much flying.
Posted by: olga | 10/07/2009 at 21:04
tobey macguire could learn a few things from this lardo. namely, how to not be a fucking douchenozzle.
Posted by: toby macguire you fucking suck | 10/07/2009 at 21:09
at least the bums in europe try to earn money instead of looking sad and expecting you to give them something anyway.
Posted by: bernie | 10/07/2009 at 21:11
I didnt know they made spider man suits that big
Posted by: spidey | 10/07/2009 at 21:20
We all know that no one has gotten a picture of spiderman except peter parker, so obviosly you are spidey himself
Posted by: peterp | 10/07/2009 at 21:23
great stance, clearely the mans done his homework.
Posted by: peterparker | 10/07/2009 at 21:31
huh. i'm glad there are people out there who dislike toby macguire as much as i do.
Posted by: xxx | 11/07/2009 at 18:25
toby macguire is a whiney little ass...i hated everything about those spiderman flicks and something tells me this dude in this suite knows what im talking about.
Posted by: anonymous | 13/07/2009 at 16:40
is Torrente in Macguire's clothes!!! he is short of money.
Posted by: alfonsina | 13/07/2009 at 20:05
He's out saving beers and burgers from expiration dates.
Posted by: Didder | 30/07/2009 at 20:57
I saw that same guy when i went to Madrid this summer! that guy's amazing...unlike the mobs of able-bodies gypsy women begging for money right next to (no lie) a one-legged business man whole their men go out to steal. Fat Spidey, you are a saint.
Posted by: Daniel | 02/08/2009 at 23:00
Whoa! I saw this guy in Madrid back in September. I took some blurry video from afar, not unlike the infamous Bigfoot footage.
Posted by: roffels | 14/10/2009 at 05:25
It's amazing how things happen in bunches. I'd never heard of this movie before today (I live in the woods of CT and there are no posters anywhere). Now today I've seen at least 5 or 6 references to it including
Posted by: generic viagra | 12/04/2010 at 22:45
Fat Spiderman is alive and well and was definitely plying his trade in Plaza Mayor, Madrid over the last weekend. The only disappointing thing is, he looks like he's lost a few pounds since you took these pictures.
Fat Spidey rules.
Posted by: Kay Goodey | 26/10/2010 at 18:17
It's true! Saw him on Saturday and he's definitely a bit slimmer. He's still an impressive sight, mind you..
Posted by: Caroline R | 24/01/2011 at 13:20