MONTREAL - IT'S ALWAYS PUERTO RICO IN PUERTO RICO

 

Are you an American who wants to go on vacation but don't have a passport because you're a criminal? Or maybe you're just an illegal alien (also criminal)? Amazingly, everyone I met there was either the husband or wife of the second cousin of someone who used to babysit Ricky Martin. Man,  you should have come to Puerto Rico with me. I had a fuckin' blast! 

 

In Puerto Rico, "swine flu" is slang for when people put their hands together and yell "All for one and one for all!" 

 

Puerto Rico cuisine has transcended the boundaries of the island.

 

Don't be squeamish about strange foods from other cultures. 

 

One of the main attractions on the island of San Juan is the Parque de las Palomas (that means Pigeon Park). 

Kind of a disappointment if you ask me.

 

Now this business really blew my mind. I've never seen an uglier pair of sandals in my life. They have orange vagina lips where your toes are supposed to go. It's like walking around with a giant twat on your feet. But that's what travel is all about - learning new things. 

On the poster for the vagina sandals, these two naked parrot-people delicately hold each other. You know what wouldn't be so delicate though? Sixty-niners with parrot-people. But that's what travel is all about. Learning new things.

Here's Beato Charlie in the Cathedral of Old San Juan. Doesn't he look like that guy who just shrugs when you ask him for a couple bucks to pay for the pizza? For more on Carlos Manual Rodriguez Santiago check out his homepage. 

Here's some miniature sleeping cats made out of some other animals fur. 

A necklace with a life-sized golden frog on it. Gucci Mane just ordered one up! 

"Listen, come by like 3ish - I'm going to marinade Bruce in some olive oil, lemon, and thyme and then we'll spit roast him. Oh, and bring weed."

Hey. Not for nothing but I will hand you your ass at Ms. Pac-Man.

SARAH STEINBERG

Comments

[elsie]

vagina sandals! hahahahaha!

[allobaster]

69ers with parrot people hahahahahaha learning new things hahaha this is some funny

[ase4]

We have a Pigeon Park in Vancouver. Prime injection site.

[PB]

Those sandals are everywhere except the mainland US. I hope they don't go turn out how Crocs did, which is pretty depressing as is.

[supra youth]

So fun article is! I know more from it.