In Manitoba the province will pay for breast reductions if you can prove that you need it done for medical reasons. I was a double D, or maybe even an E, and my back didn't hurt. But frankly, I was pissed about the way my shirts pulled at the buttons and made those lines that indicate that your tits are trying to pull your shirt apart from the inside. When I wore my Slash t-shirt his face stretched out like he had giant eye tumors. This had to stop.
My cleavage made me feel like a cougar, and smaller breasts had always just been more appealing to me. After three visits to the doctor I convinced him I needed the surgery. Then I started talking about it a lot, to everyone. A male friend tried to talk me out of it. “What a waste,” he said. For the month leading up to the surgery he would get some good long stares in whenever we hung out. “Your tits look fucking sweet in that sweater,” he told me. (I think he was trying to say that I looked pretty.) I was a little surprised by my ex-boyfriend’s reaction. He tried to convince me that surgery was risky, that men are attracted to all different sizes and I shouldn’t worry about it. He knew my breasts better than anyone else, so maybe it felt a little strange to him that in a month half of them would wind up in the organic waste bin at St. Boniface hospital.
While I was on the gurney waiting to be wheeled into the operating room, a nurse asked me what size I was going to be. I thought we had already settled it during my consultation, but I ordered up an extra-small C again, just in case.
After three hours I woke up fried on morphine with a huge bandage wrapped around my torso. Drainage tubes extended from under my chest, filling small bags with thick, translucent fluid. The medical word for that stuff is "tit juice."
I left the hospital the next morning with tons of codeine and maintenance instructions. After eight days I went back to the doctor to take the gauze off and I nearly passed out. This photo was taken that day. My mangled tits were pointy and full of blood. The glue from the bandages had left a black sticky goo all over my chest and torso. There was stitching around my nipples. Stitching! They took my fucking nipples off! And they looked so weird, the shape. This pic was taken that day. I was pretty freaked out; the lines around my nips looked like smudged lipstick. They had “puckered” the doctor said, “...but they’re staring straight ahead, so that’s good.”
EMILY SMYTHE
my nipples are sore just looking at that. what did they do to you, and are they better now?
Posted by: olga | 29/05/2009 at 19:46
AAAAAAAAAAAAA! Those are my moms!
Posted by: scared | 29/05/2009 at 19:49
Kidney bean titties?
Posted by: salsa | 29/05/2009 at 19:49
i think they put magnets in your nipples and messed up and put in the same polarity.
Posted by: dragoon | 29/05/2009 at 19:57
When my boner saw that top picture it gave a 'how do you do!'
Posted by: no time | 29/05/2009 at 20:19
Did they darken your nipples while they were in there? They don't look close to the top pic at all. Are you yanking our collective chain?
Posted by: Yancy | 29/05/2009 at 20:23
Thats how this blog ends? Mangled boobs that were perfectly fine? I mean, back pain is one thing, but I'm sure Slash would have no problem looking like The Scream if huge tatas were responsible.
Posted by: Wave em | 29/05/2009 at 20:34
So did you buy a "Please, God, can someone notice my tits?!" T-Shirt.
Posted by: Elephant Ear | 29/05/2009 at 20:36
um then what?
Posted by: raymi | 29/05/2009 at 20:41
do you have any codeine left cuz i could use some after reading this shit
Posted by: Carrie | 29/05/2009 at 20:44
do you have any codeine left cuz i could use some after reading this shit
Posted by: Uterus | 29/05/2009 at 20:45
stupid cunt ruined her boobs.
Posted by: no | 29/05/2009 at 20:48
this is such a shame........poor, poor girl......
Posted by: james | 29/05/2009 at 21:02
yikes, i was toying with the idea of a boob reduction myself. now that i see the results there is nooo way.
Posted by: big tit | 29/05/2009 at 21:25
congratulations you are a lesbian.
Posted by: Andrew 'Dice' Clay | 29/05/2009 at 21:34
Way to end the week on a bad note. I hope there's an update at 6:00 and it says just kidding.
Posted by: Anonymous | 29/05/2009 at 21:48
What the fuuuck. Will they look like that forever?? Get your money back, seriously.
Posted by: Anonymous | 29/05/2009 at 21:53
I have an idea...too late though....hit the gym. Yeah. Hit the fucking gym that boob fat will melt right off. No cutlery required just some nonlaziness.
Posted by: Roast Beef Sandwich | 29/05/2009 at 21:54
You'll never have to worry about someone looking at your tits again.
Posted by: Anonymous | 29/05/2009 at 22:07
somebody needs to fluff those pillows.
Posted by: jiminy | 29/05/2009 at 22:46
haha
boobs are messed up now
done know!
Posted by: skratchy | 29/05/2009 at 22:51
honestly, it looks like once they heal all you'll have to do is some toning exercises and they'll be fine. don't freak out.
Posted by: not 15 years old | 29/05/2009 at 23:05
barf.
Posted by: Count C | 29/05/2009 at 23:18
what? That's it? That's how it ends? Thanks assholes...it's friday for god's sake.
Posted by: poopootrain | 29/05/2009 at 23:52
Jesus wept
Posted by: Banana Jello | 30/05/2009 at 01:41