I'm not a trendsetter. Nor am I really a follower. When something new presents itself in my sphere it takes me a while to get used to the idea of it being around. BlackBerry? Trust me, I'll get one in a few years, but right now I'm content with my flip phone. Drop-crotch pants? No thank you, I still enjoy the high-waist variety, camel-toe properties and all. Count me out for anything with a line or a waiting list attached. So me getting the swine flu a few weeks after the initial media hubbub had quieted but still during its very exclusive pre-pandemic phase was somewhat out of character. What can I say? Sometimes I'm a one-among-thousands sort of gal.
After making fun of everyone for overreacting to a particularly harsh allergy season, I was stricken with a harsh sore throat. Since I’m prone to strep and a variety of weird ailments my doc and I are on a first-name basis. But my boyfriend, who has a mind of steel and can psychologically undermine any illness, was sick too. We were both sleeping for 16 hours a day, too dazed to even read, our brains decaying thanks to the heavy doses of reality TV we took in as comfort. I cried during Wife Swap, that's how taxed I was. Clearly something was very wrong.
My doctor’s used to my hysteria by now, so she was pretty unimpressed when I lamented my symptoms. She listened to my lungs, took my temperature, made me blow into a peak flow meter, asked me if I'd traveled recently, and then told me I probably had "that flu that's been going around."
"What flu is that?" I asked.
"Well...there are two, but one is just upper respiratory. Judging by your symptoms..."
"Do I have the swine flu? I'm not going to freak out if you tell me I do."
"Probably, yes."
She told me there was no magical cure she could give me. It's a virus and like any other virus you just have to wait it out. But she prescribed me codeine cough syrup and gave me an inhaler for good measure. I was stoked. There is strange sense of vindication that comes with being told you are as sick as you thought you were. And plus, it was going to go away, I wouldn't feel that satisfaction if sneaking suspicions of cancer had been confirmed, but swine flu? Why not?
After nine days I finally started to feel better. My boyfriend was on the same recovery trajectory. A full 24 hours after our symptoms were gone we reentered the outside world just in time to really freak people out at Memorial Day barbeques. We celebrated our freedom from the swine flu by stuffing our faces with pork. A fitting end, except that I still have to stop and catch my breath after walking up the subway stairs and I have to sleep about 12 hours a night. The swine flu sucks. Don't get it. If you do, you won't die, you'll just be bummed for about two weeks of your life.
BEVERLY HAMES
If you watch Wife Swap you deserve to get swine flu. Also, I read that pork sales dropped dramatically after the swine flu freak out. People sure are idiots sometimes.
Posted by: The Host | 29/05/2009 at 15:26
it's nice that you and your boyfriend got it at the same time so you didn't have to worry about passing it over. reminds me of the aids dating services. they're like "fuck it, you already have aids, what's the worst that can happen?" pure fucking genius.
Posted by: lowbrow | 29/05/2009 at 15:35
yeah, it's a real bummer that the media made it so scary. in texas, all these kids would walk around with surgical masks. lame. if only the headlines had said "Swine Flu- Treatable in the Same Manner as Every Other Flu" rather than the freaky plague articles.
Posted by: daninico | 29/05/2009 at 16:08
I thought doctor's were supposed to hand out tamiflu? Oh well, I'd take codeine syrup over anything else.
Posted by: Count C | 29/05/2009 at 16:27
Tamiflu is a vaccine, dingus.
But yeah, codeine cough syrup is pretty cool. We are in agreement on that one.
Posted by: Danimal | 29/05/2009 at 18:41
remember at the beginning of swine flu 2k9 when that one lone little boy in ohio had swine flu?? he must have been so lonely and confused, like "what the fuck!? why does no one wanna hang out with me?? whatever. no school!"
Posted by: never bored | 29/05/2009 at 19:21
tamiflu is not a vaccine, other dingus!
i think its only effective in the very beginning stages of a viral infection, though.
did you get tested for swine flu or did you doctor just guess?
Posted by: lou | 29/05/2009 at 19:22
My doc didn't test me. She made a logical guess based on my symptoms. Swine flu has some specific intestinal disturbances that go along with it that aren't common with other flu. Let's just say my boyfriend and I had some traumatic bathroom experiences. The test is only 70% accurate and most hospitals in New York aren't bothering to perform it any more.
After five days of a viral infection Tamiflu was pretty much worthless.
Posted by: Beverly Hames | 29/05/2009 at 19:40
OMG yumyums!
Posted by: no time | 29/05/2009 at 20:26
The only people I've actually seen wear masks are old Asian women.
Posted by: Anonymous | 29/05/2009 at 22:03
"There is strange sense of vindication that comes with being told you are as sick as you thought you were"
Ahh makes me feel nostalgic. Nothing like rubbin it Mom's face after she accuses you of fakin
Posted by: imadont | 30/05/2009 at 01:39
where did you catch it?
Posted by: margaret snatcher | 30/05/2009 at 22:38
It looks pretty tasty.
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