HEY RON! - HELP ME DRESS MYSELF

It's Tuesday afternoon and that means it's time for some honest-to-goodness heartfelt counsel from Ron, Vice's accounts receivable manager.

Hey Ron! I noticed that you're a really snazzy dresser. One day it's a pristine football jersey, the next a wicked screenprint that looks as if it might be custom. I've got a function coming up for work, and I'm usually not required to wear dressy clothes. I'm having trouble picking something out. On top of that, I often feel uncomfortable when dressed up and I don't know how to act. Can you give me some advice?

First, I’d like to thank you for noticing my great wardrobe. I put a lot into it every morning. But I’d also like to say, you gotta remember that what you wear can represent who you are. If you’re dressing like a bum, you may feel like that; however, if you dress to impress then that’s what your mindset will be. So if you’re going to go out there, you don’t need to necessarily "dress up." Just put on something that you'll enjoy wearing. And whatever you wear, wear it proudly.

I can go out in some basketball shorts and sneakers, but it’s who I am inside that makes me the kind of person I want to be. So if you wan to dress down, that’s fine: dress down. But bring it out of you—who you represent. As we say in the hood, "Represent your hood." Just rep it out and be yourself.

On the other hand, if it's truly a formal affair then you go all out. Go get a Hickey Freeman suit or something on par with that. Throw on some nice suspenders, some nice shoes, get your hair cut neat, and shave properly. Maybe even get your fingernails done, but don’t wear that white polish. When I see guys wearing that it makes me a little nervous.

As far as shopping goes, I work for Vice so I try not to pay for anything. When I have to spend money I go to various places. I’m not loyal to no one. I go where I can get the best deals. I got people at Footlocker. I got people at stores where I can get 30, 40, or 50 percent off. My advice is to never, ever pay retail. Never! You’re an idiot if you just go into the store and buy it, especially in this economy. Usually I go in with cash. I show them the green and go, "I’d really like to spend this money in your store, but you’re not doing anything for me. What can you do for me?" And usually they do not want you leaving the store without spending that money. They know you're going spend it somewhere, so why not at their store?

Love,
Ron

(Email your quandaries for Ron here, and put Hey Ron! in the subject line.)

Comments

[Kevin]

Hey Ron,

I noticed you have a ring on your right index finger. Is that from taking from some punk you walloped?

Kevin

[garry poop yr pants]

Fuck yeah Ron. You should have a show!

[zero]

ron makes a really good point when he says that you're stupid if you pay retail because you really are. i'm a fan of paying as little as possible and trying all that i can do to do so. i'm all for bargains which is why i probably don't have many articles of clothing. but hey, i feel like there's so many other things to spend money on, i just simply woould rather not blow it all on clothing.

[styxfan99]

KEVIN YOU LEFT A STUPID COMMENT

[Bradford]

When you say "show them the green" you really mean "show them your gun"... that's an automatic 50% off.

[folgers instant crystals]

Hey Ron,

How big is your dick?

[kim]

I am sure it big. Look at his arms

[Lyn]

Hey Ron how real are you. I mean what are you working with. Can you whole it down

[deirdre]

I just wanted to say to say you have a sexy smile.Stay sweet. :)

[swing-atcha]

this column is the best. fuck yeah, ron.

[Max Moon]

If Obama doesn't get the job done I recommend we send Ron to Washington and make shit happen.