Just look obviously smooth, sexy, and childish, dance around for a bit and you can be a number one pop star in South Korea. Some hotshots will copy you some Timbaland productions and cover up your voice with some vocoders, so don’t worry about your lack of singing skills. In Korea, they like it slick. As a Dutchman living in Seoul, I'm pretending I'm a cultural anthropologist so I can justify to myself why, at this point, I can’t spend a day without K-Pop. Here are some top obsessions...
They’re smooth. So smooth they're putting “sorry” in the title to apologize to all the Western producers right away for ripping them off.
Son Dam Bi
Arousing, flirtatious, hot, inviting, kissable, libidinous, mature, provocative, racy, seductive, sensual, slinky, spicy, steamy, suggestive, titillating, voluptuous. That’s about all the synonyms I could find for sexy. That list was the only homework this girl needed to do, and she’s working it good. So good she forgot to lip-sync when she performed live on national television. But sexy: hell yes. Looking at her makes me feel very straight, dancing to this makes me feel very gay though. "Yes...no...which way to go?" Wait, Son Dam Bi… That makes sense.
In Korea you can be a pedophile without feeling any guilt about it. Child pornography is forbidden by law, but Girls Generation isn’t. These kids not only hit the Korean charts hard but also topped the charts in Thailand, and we all know why these girls got popular there. At least the Thai aren’t afraid to admit it. You could say Koreans are hypocrites, but actually they are cutely naive. Here girls with lollipops are just girls with lollipops. Really!
Shamelessly stealing from Justin Timberlake and getting loaded. Simple as that. To profile (read: market) themselves as a credible group, they love to say that they “write their own music.” The Koreans buy that shit, literally. But I’m happy that this video has subtitles (just forget it’s badly translated) so there is proof of their sophistication. And it actually is fascinatingly poetic, especially when you see the corresponding choreography. Your arm inside my body. Crack crack crack crack!
Big Bang feat. 2NE1
Why the hell am I trying to explain K-Pop? This video has everything that it stands for: making a lollipop the coolest motherfucking thing on earth. I’m speechless.