Unhappy Christ found with suicide note in Nondor Nevai's living room! Christ does death again! This time Jesus OWNS IT grrl! Christ writes suicide note about humans! Jesus was bummed on our 'tudes! Mr. Christ left a short list of bummed out reasons why humans are illin':
1. Dudes are not pushin' the baby carriage right! Just fuckin’ OWN IT. Standing to the side, with pinky finger erect, barely touching baby's stroller bar is LAME and looks far more gay and retarded than just being cool enough to push a little helpless baby home correctly. This is BEYOND self-aware and insecure. This is SO GAY you hate yourself.
2. Beards and pussies are fighting me and I am awesome hippie Christ! Why is everyone all up in changing, sheering, trimming, waxing and reducing the hair I invented? I made a protective blast of hair to indicate what was most worthy of an Easter basket holding cell for treasure! The harriest face, harriest butt, and the harriest pussy is the coveted region! If hair blasts occur, think of them as the gilded velvet cloak of an exalted hole. Hair is for protection and we protect the best, most awesome and silken poetry wonders of earthlings. Kiss me with those labia lips! Nuzzle my labia lips with your beard! If a giant endlessly and infinitely growing hair yawns from your forehead, you might be the next ME!!!
3. Pens and pencils are for writing poetry, song, and letter to your mother. Please stop using them dipped in Vaseline to go in and out of your butthole! I made the butthole and the fingers for love! Why do you humans insist on doing this alone? I made passion, romance, and curiosity for you to get fingered satisfactorily in the brown. Still, you stick any and all spear-style objects in your hole and whine when it won’t come out! If you stuck with my plan, you will always have a pal to at least get your sticks, twigs, and corncobs out.
4. I love you even when you are checking your Facebook every 15 seconds, smelling your fingers, and contemplating masturbating for the fifth time. You don’t get me man! I’m Audi 5000 bitches! Won’t see you in HELLLLLLLL!
ADRIANE SCHRAMM
2. Beards and pussies are fighting me and I am awesome hippie Christ! Why is everyone all up in changing, sheering, trimming, waxing and reducing the hair I invented? I made a protective blast of hair to indicate what was most worthy of an Easter basket holding cell for treasure! The harriest face, harriest butt, and the harriest pussy is the coveted region! If hair blasts occur, think of them as the gilded velvet cloak of an exalted hole. Hair is for protection and we protect the best, most awesome and silken poetry wonders of earthlings. Kiss me with those labia lips! Nuzzle my labia lips with your beard! If a giant endlessly and infinitely growing hair yawns from your forehead, you might be the next ME!!!
3. Pens and pencils are for writing poetry, song, and letter to your mother. Please stop using them dipped in Vaseline to go in and out of your butthole! I made the butthole and the fingers for love! Why do you humans insist on doing this alone? I made passion, romance, and curiosity for you to get fingered satisfactorily in the brown. Still, you stick any and all spear-style objects in your hole and whine when it won’t come out! If you stuck with my plan, you will always have a pal to at least get your sticks, twigs, and corncobs out.
4. I love you even when you are checking your Facebook every 15 seconds, smelling your fingers, and contemplating masturbating for the fifth time. You don’t get me man! I’m Audi 5000 bitches! Won’t see you in HELLLLLLLL!
ADRIANE SCHRAMM
i hear ya, christ. sometimes picking out a new paint color makes me want to off myself too. the tile must be really cold when you get out of bed too. yeah, a change of scenery was most definitely in order.
Posted by: judas | 01/04/2009 at 17:57
what is this sudden acceptance of hairy bodies? I feel like I keeping running into that lately. Its NOT cool. less is more. though the occasional well maintained facial scruff is acceptable.
Posted by: keeptrimming | 01/04/2009 at 18:00
god you have hit the nail on the head with the butthole thing, why why must people stick things up there? I heard about a guy who got a hoover extension stuck up there. hilarious.
Posted by: bumjive | 01/04/2009 at 18:00
Nobody loves people who check their facebook that much. Not even Christ.
Posted by: Bradford | 01/04/2009 at 18:02
"one guy, one cup"
google at your own risk. it could potentially ruin your life.
Posted by: @bumjive | 01/04/2009 at 18:03
I wouldnt have thought that the way in which a guy pushes a baby carriage would have offended god so much.....is that what hes doing instead of ending war and world hunger?
Posted by: if your there. | 01/04/2009 at 18:04
Im not down with the hair either, if i wanted hair id have sex with a bear. (the animal)
Posted by: hairychops | 01/04/2009 at 18:05
I hope he stays dead.
Posted by: Oddmeal | 01/04/2009 at 19:02
what a pussy, suicide is for the weak at heart and the religiously shitty. he was prob just comin down off some shitty coke and a late nite cutting sesh.
Posted by: tim shitty | 01/04/2009 at 19:56
i guess if i had to hang my self i would have to beat it one last time
Posted by: lon | 01/04/2009 at 21:16
i was cool with this body hair thing but Aurel Schmidt with armpit hair is seriously pushing it and i'm pretty sure that unless i was drinking whiskey leg hair would be a deal breaker
Posted by: rocco sifreddi | 01/04/2009 at 23:25
girl you hit the nail on the head. god don't want no insecurities and unhappiness. nothing but love, love, love.
Posted by: neenz | 03/04/2009 at 14:45