The other day Kasper, Vice Belgium’s handsome editor sent us an email called "What’s up with Wales?" In it was a gallery of drunk Welsh people bleeding and spitting on one another. Our Welsh intern Eleri looked over and shrugged. Five minutes on Facebook later and she’d made her own gallery of lager nightmares. All her nights out seem to look like the gay Garbage Pail Kids reenacting the Vietnam war with piss instead of napalm. At the risk of losing her mates she let us put up the gallery and told us what a night out where she comes from is like...
Hi, I'm Eleri and I'm from Swansea. I don't really know where to start when it comes to describing a night out in South Wales. I thought it was pretty normal until I came to London. Now in the presence of my English friends all my hometown memories seem like a fucking freak show.
There are two main differences when it comes to going on the piss in South Wales--staying local or going to town. Either one will be ridiculous. If you opt to stay local be prepared to witness drunk and naked rugby boys (possibly in fancy dress) who will piss, shit, and puke anywhere.
Despite being award-winningly homophobic, these guys are very excited about rubbing and shaking their cocks all over each other. Luckily for us ladies though they drink through that stage after about 15 beers and will try and chat you up near the end of the night even though they have spent the last hour weeing on each other’s hands.
On the upside though, you'll be paying something ridiculous like £1.74 for a pint, so it’s nice and cheap.
If you decide to go to town, be it Cardiff or Swansea, you are diving into a massive shit storm of fighting, crying, puking, shagging, smashing stuff, skinny-dipping and lots of slags. Everyone here is orange and 'FUCKIN' LUVS IT!'
Without fail, within half an hour of getting out of the taxi you'll see a group of girls in some slutty fancy dress, somebody dancing on top of a bus stop, a middle-aged skinhead squaring up to a bouncer, a girl crying, and a man in drag (he won't be gay either, btw--all the actual gay guys here are used as firewood).
Though this all seems like hell on earth, I still go back. Last weekend I ended up in “Swansea's biggest rock club,” Sin City. Every toilet (male and female) was sprayed with blood and the music was so loud I burst my eardrum and I had to go to hospital.
There are two main differences when it comes to going on the piss in South Wales--staying local or going to town. Either one will be ridiculous. If you opt to stay local be prepared to witness drunk and naked rugby boys (possibly in fancy dress) who will piss, shit, and puke anywhere.
Despite being award-winningly homophobic, these guys are very excited about rubbing and shaking their cocks all over each other. Luckily for us ladies though they drink through that stage after about 15 beers and will try and chat you up near the end of the night even though they have spent the last hour weeing on each other’s hands.
On the upside though, you'll be paying something ridiculous like £1.74 for a pint, so it’s nice and cheap.
If you decide to go to town, be it Cardiff or Swansea, you are diving into a massive shit storm of fighting, crying, puking, shagging, smashing stuff, skinny-dipping and lots of slags. Everyone here is orange and 'FUCKIN' LUVS IT!'
Without fail, within half an hour of getting out of the taxi you'll see a group of girls in some slutty fancy dress, somebody dancing on top of a bus stop, a middle-aged skinhead squaring up to a bouncer, a girl crying, and a man in drag (he won't be gay either, btw--all the actual gay guys here are used as firewood).
Though this all seems like hell on earth, I still go back. Last weekend I ended up in “Swansea's biggest rock club,” Sin City. Every toilet (male and female) was sprayed with blood and the music was so loud I burst my eardrum and I had to go to hospital.
Haha, i come from Cardiff and didn’t really notice how strange we really are ’till you pointed it out.. can’t believe we got a mention on here.
Posted by: Joe | 31/03/2009 at 16:37
“All her nights out seem to be look like.”
Aish.
Posted by: Anonymous | 31/03/2009 at 16:38
I think this is just true of all regional areas. Cornwall looks like this only less so because of the smaller population.
Posted by: Anonymous | 31/03/2009 at 16:38
whoa, i think the guy pissing in the air is about to get a taste of his own pissy medicine. i think he's already bracing for impact.
Posted by: duck duck goose | 31/03/2009 at 16:42
the only time i partied like that was in Coney sland with some freaks at a meal bar cerca 5 am.
Posted by: eat that roast beef | 31/03/2009 at 17:05
that fat guy in a tutu absolutely made my day
Posted by: ninja slut | 31/03/2009 at 17:11
meathead homophobes piss me off. they mess around with their friends slapping each others balls, crossing swords when taking a piss, go tanning together, and their fucking "pout" faces when posing for photos. and the minute they see anything gay-related, they're all, "go home faggot!" they should all be hog-tied and jizzed on.
Posted by: zero | 31/03/2009 at 17:12
for once Vice is not exagerrating.
St mary's st in cardiff on a sat ngiht is hell on earth
Posted by: boz | 31/03/2009 at 17:27
Those girls in the black tanks remind me of Bizkettes. Remember those?
Posted by: Bradford | 31/03/2009 at 17:48
if this is the regular, then what's a real party like?
Posted by: anonymous | 31/03/2009 at 20:58
I love the picture of the guy peeing upwards
Posted by: anon | 31/03/2009 at 21:14
Don't play rugby.
Posted by: Douche | 31/03/2009 at 21:15
White people are disgusting.
Posted by: a-non | 31/03/2009 at 21:19
My pal gary from london suggested that the welsh insignia be a sheep with wings...to assist it in fleeing being raped by a welshman.....
Posted by: Danimal the Depraved | 31/03/2009 at 22:44
fUck
Posted by: lo | 01/04/2009 at 01:55
It's all probably due to the fact that the Welsh are shit at Rugby.
Posted by: Gareth Davies | 01/04/2009 at 03:27
those dudes in the tub are straight? wow the gay parties must be nuts!!
Posted by: Bert Velilla | 01/04/2009 at 09:00
GAWD..you guys DRINK way, WAY TOOOOO MUCH.
Such some self control..you bloody bassturds...YOUR LIVER will LOVE YOU FOR IT!
Posted by: Fruit Cake | 20/06/2009 at 20:00
it really does look like hell on earth
Posted by: hjkjjhjl | 21/06/2009 at 01:01
This is hilarious because I am originally from Wales and think the boy in the purple wig is my cousin mike. Can you please confirm because this is just way too funny!
Posted by: candace cobbing | 21/06/2009 at 06:11
Instead of the cliched lava, hell is filled with giant pools of the same fat sweaty men that occupy the tub in the first pic. Thanks Vice for fueling my nightmares
Posted by: Ted | 22/06/2009 at 16:44
check these valleys gems out
http://ajanlo.kapu.hu/pics.php?d=cardiff
Posted by: yada | 25/06/2009 at 09:43
wheres the vice girls video?
Posted by: daniella | 01/12/2009 at 20:14
I must point out the fantastic "white people are disgusting" comment above. What century are you from, genius?
Posted by: Dr Satan | 07/04/2011 at 20:44