I feel like a basket of pure unsalted nuts today, and instead of trying to remedy the situation with helpful talks and self-affirmation, I hunkered down in it nice and comfy style and decided to reach out to strangers to see if the rest of the city felt wacky today too. So I went onto Craigslist this morning and posted the following cryptic post in the Missed Connections section:
"Did you end up anything like you thought you would?"
Hours later, I received the following replies:
“Arise while your plans clarify and mature in private, rather than through any organization; your vocation, life path, career, family, and friends. Be careful that you haven't bought into the illusion of what others feel is important. You are learning and heading exactly where you ought to be. Be prepared to be told that you're wrong today. Step down gently off that high horse.”
“No. Why do we always end up here?”
“Did you? I feel you now. Do not ignore it.”
(This person could sense that I am amazing looking and wants to bed me.)
And then a third party responded to the above romantic advance with:
“I dreamt about you last night. That has not happened in the longest time ... could it be you? You did everything in your power to touch me. So subtle ...to not so subtle... brought memories so sweet. I miss you. I feel you. again. again. again.
So I can officially conclude that uh, yep the rest of the city feels nuts today too.
KELLY McCLURE
“Arise while your plans clarify and mature in private, rather than through any organization; your vocation, life path, career, family, and friends. Be careful that you haven't bought into the illusion of what others feel is important. You are learning and heading exactly where you ought to be. Be prepared to be told that you're wrong today. Step down gently off that high horse.”
“No. Why do we always end up here?”
“Did you? I feel you now. Do not ignore it.”
(This person could sense that I am amazing looking and wants to bed me.)
And then a third party responded to the above romantic advance with:
“I dreamt about you last night. That has not happened in the longest time ... could it be you? You did everything in your power to touch me. So subtle ...to not so subtle... brought memories so sweet. I miss you. I feel you. again. again. again.
So I can officially conclude that uh, yep the rest of the city feels nuts today too.
KELLY McCLURE
i'm feelin' a little nucking futs too!
Posted by: doohickey | 31/03/2009 at 21:32
i feel fine, but hopefully my girlfriend will want to feel nuts later.
Posted by: booyah! | 31/03/2009 at 21:34
I found a roundabout in Queens today and drove around it like 20 times, blasting YES, just for the fuck of it.
Posted by: Droople Gilhooly | 31/03/2009 at 21:36
i had hoped this would be about a craigslist ad to get a pair of nuts for my bicycle. since i left florida, i have felt naked without them
Posted by: gypsy eyes | 31/03/2009 at 21:47
man, people sure know how to waste time, commenting on ridiculous posts about nothing....
Posted by: whoops | 31/03/2009 at 21:48
nuts is an understatement. this morning i gargled batery acid instead of listerine and watched season one of gossip girls, dubbed in swahili
Posted by: jealous bovine | 31/03/2009 at 21:50
i have tried many times posting under missed connections " that hot asian chick with the sweet rack i ogled on the G train," and still havent found her or managed more than a handjob from the transvestite that replies sincerely
Posted by: david and golaith had butt sex | 31/03/2009 at 21:52
u know whats nuts? first peanuts, now pstachios are being recalled for salmonella. why is the fda trying to murder nut fiends?
Posted by: i listen to npr | 31/03/2009 at 21:56
"I'm waiting for you here at the Boston Market where we mixed all the fountain sodas, put them in one cup and you told me old men shouldn't act like that."
That's called a suicide, probably what happened to your cohort.
Posted by: Brent | 31/03/2009 at 21:58
Remember that part in Tim Burton's Batman when Bruce Wayne meets Jack Napier and he smashes Vicci Vale's flower vase and screams, "YOU WANT TO GET NUTS? LET'S GET NUTS!" Does anyone know what I'm talking about?
Posted by: Bradford | 31/03/2009 at 22:01
man, people sure know how to waste time, commenting on ridiculous posts about nothing....
Posted by: whoops | 31/03/2009 at 21:48
Um, but you just did. Is that the whoops you were talking about?
Posted by: Sly Stalone | 31/03/2009 at 22:21
i'm not from new york, nor usa, but I"M FUCKING NUTS,,,,,,, EVERYDAY.........
Posted by: l | 01/04/2009 at 15:33
i dont feel nuts today, i got 10 hours of fucking sleep.
sucks that y'all feel that way. maybe salty nuts will fix your problems.
Posted by: alecrf | 01/04/2009 at 17:18
contrary to popular belief, there is almost nothing of value on craigslist
Posted by: anonymous | 01/04/2009 at 17:49
uh there's nothing of value unless you value casual bondage, in which case there is much value to be had
Posted by: rocco sifreddi | 01/04/2009 at 23:16
I cannot imagine a whole lot of people would answer that they are where they imagine twenty years ago. Life is full of too many unforseen twists and turns.
Posted by: arizona bankruptcy lawyer | 10/04/2009 at 06:38