When I was a kid I would stay up all night to watch titty movies on cable before I even knew what to do with that kind of information. In between the softest of softcore flicks they would show these ridiculous phone hotline commercials. No, I'm not talking about stroke lines, I'm talking about the bizarre numbers that you could dial to plug you into the life of the party, a scary story, or the most hype rapper's personal life. I mean, who couldn't resist calling fucking MC Hammer at 2 AM when they were 9 years old? Here are a few I remember the best.
Prime Example:
Seriously:
Oh Grampa:
Way to scare the shit out of the only people watching your channel: pedophiles and kids under 10:
This one is just stupid:
UNCLE SHARKEY
They trademarked Freddy Freaker. Didn't want anyone stealing their dancing yellow freak puppet idea.
Posted by: Jules | 19/03/2009 at 13:27
my real grandpa had much scarier stories that grandpa munster. he'd get so into his war stories he'd forget we kids were around and get into stories of flamethrowers and melting faces and stuff. jr. vampire club can't give you nightmares like that when you're parents are on vacation and you're stuck with with the g-rents.
Posted by: eno | 19/03/2009 at 14:25
$2 a call, christ freddy the Freak was not a financial freak! he could have been rolling in all manner of freaky money if he had only made it a freaky amount per min!
Posted by: arnold | 19/03/2009 at 15:04
yeh I dont think ill be calling the zombie line, he sounded way to pushy. And i bet that half way through the call he'll start coughing because whenever you do that voice your throat drys out, not very zombie. and how are they real, live zombies?
Posted by: chuck | 19/03/2009 at 15:06
Holy fuck, Please hammer dont scam em.
Posted by: jeff retardo | 19/03/2009 at 15:08
Does freddy crush a box of cereal at the end of his comercial? i'm just glad that the soothing voice of the billing information came in at the end I was about to piss my pants.
Posted by: ro sham bo | 19/03/2009 at 15:11
Santa raps?! This could be the best thing that i have ever seen. Why cant xmas always be like that?? I especially like how the guy got the parents permission line in the rap, mad flow.
Posted by: wish i was as dope as them | 19/03/2009 at 15:14
haha, what a steal, $2.00 a call, thats no sweat, but in these financial times of ours that could slide hard. but, how can you put a price on happiness and MC Hammer. his time is money, that is a deal. the freak line is a little strange.
Posted by: Jim Pole | 19/03/2009 at 16:28
I would pay to hear the personal messages left for MC Hammer. I wonder if they were anything like this
*beep* Mr. Hammer, this is Capital Auto lease calling in regards to a Lincoln Continental leased under your name in January, yes, uh we haven't recieved payment for the past 2 months and this is your notification of repossession.
Posted by: Cash Kow | 19/03/2009 at 16:40
omg. thank you thank you thank you. I did a french version of freak phone for a french class assignment with mad balls I believe. this made my day.
Posted by: adriane schramm | 19/03/2009 at 18:53
i feel like an archeologist digging through TV shit. nothing's changed, just the way it's done haha... fucking capitalism
Posted by: izzy | 19/03/2009 at 18:54