We thought the collapse of money meant that we'd stop seeing cookbooks for squatters, body modification encyclopedias, novels with pastel covers for menopausal women, street-art stencil packs, and other worthless barely literate miscellany, but no, we still get sent shovel loads of dog shit books that come steaming into the office bearing cartoon stink lines. But every once in a while there's a gem. Thank god someone made a book to help dispel the stereotypes of Los Angeles.
Except... uh, hang on, this isn't right. They have made a whole book reaffirming my every fear and superficial assumption I had about how crammed with cock-ends LA is. This is the photographer. Pretty hunky guy huh? Look at that sexy smile. If I were a 14-year-old chick looking for a guy to fuck then he would be my type, but as far a photographers go, he looks like he should be shooting Teen Beat covers, cheesy fucker.
But wait! Look! It's OK, these guys on the West Coast know how to party. I take it all back, this guy is being dragged along by a dog. On a skateboard! This guy, get a load of him. He looks the skating type.
Speaking of skaters, look at these three caramel teen dreams. I was about to let them go until I noticed, in the caption, that Mr. assistant-hairdresser on the right is an aspiring actor. Just like 130% of the people in this book.
While we're on the topic of "showbiz," meet this lovely publicist. He looks like a straight talker doesn't he? I definitely can't imagine him convincing me that my life story is going to make me my millions over a mojito, only to suck my bronzed LA body dry and drive off in his toy car.
OMG. Look at this joker. What a card. He is dressed up as Elvis. I bet he is fun to hang out with.
At this stage I'm starting to feel really stupid. Maybe I have totally missed the joke here, and this is actually a really funny book? It's all a parody? Right? I mean, Ben Affleck can't really have a long lost brother who is a sexy puppeteer in LA, can he? God, I feel silly now.
BRUCE LA VRAI