FASHION ISSUE EXTRA - A NEW RELIGION THAT'LL BRING YOU TO YOUR KNEES

You saw the Witchery and Wizardry photo shoot Dana Goldstein did with Pete Voelker for this issue where everyone's running around like a sewer-tunnel druid who has no scruples. As good as it looks, that shit's staged. You have to go buy it all, it doesn't already exist in someone's closet. But here our friend Beverly shares her own personal cloak collection... My first taste of velvet smelled like incense and moldy basement. I bought a crimson ankle-length skirt with an age-inappropriate slit up my thigh from a vintage shop. I could barely squeeze my chubby 14-year-old ass into it, but when I got it on it was true goth teen bliss. I wore it to a vampire theme party, where the slit ripped up past crotch level. I never wore it again, but it created a love affair with black velvet (Alannah Myles is my girl) that lasted way past my goth years and into my metal ones. Here I present my collection of impractical luxurious hooded velvet articles.

Every cloak collection needs a Stevie Nicks cape. I love this one because of the ruffled hood, which makes me feel like a very grim princess--the perfect combination of black metal and lady.

I bought this rabbit fur trimmed cloak when I was vegan. It was second hand, so that’s totally cool, right? OK probably not. But who says a dietary restriction necessitates a fashion restriction? That rabbit died before I was even born.  Plus this cloak outlasted my veganism by years.

This is the crown jewel of my collection, totally wizard and amazingly old.  It has the most amazing gold leather sequins trimming the hood and pockets and is totally destroyed.

My only non-black velvet item, whenever I wear this jacket, I feel like an elven lass.



I think this was made for someone about five inches shorter than me because it gives me the most merciless camel toe.  50% Runways, 50% “Mama Said Knock You Out.”  I wore it onstage at a Halloween show Battletorn played with Early Man.  The resulting perma-wedgie (front and back) was incredibly distracting.



This isn’t velvet but it is a hooded cape so suck it. I’ve worn this as part of a sorceress costume for two Halloweens.  It also makes it into my regular rotation far more than the other pieces.  It’s Agnes B, most covetable of designers.  Who knew that proper French lady was down with wizards?

BEVERLY HAMES

Comments

[lolita surge]

i am down with the long black hooded coat. que sexy

[anonymouse]

the goth > metal transformation is one of the only ones that allows for continued cloak wearing. others include wizard > grand wizard and scary kid at school > serial killer.

[john henry the hb]

its good o know there are effable chicks into dungeons and dragons

[turbo]

you need a penis to be a wizard, and if this chick has a dick, then i need her number stat

[disgustin justin]

i think the fat are also allowed o wear cloaks

[Graeme]

Can we get better pictures of that whole...front and back camel toe?

[butch cassidy]

see the orb hovering over her crotch? that's me casting a spell of camel toe exploration.

[bangoo]

i used to own an agnes B watch and thought it was garbage. matter of fact i don't even know where it is, so i must've thrown it out.

[benji]

my personal favourites are the double breasted green velvet and the camel toe outfit! great looks!

[anon]

this girl needs a cloak that comes down over her face

[Bradford]

Capes are only hooded snuggies worn backwards.

[Lala Jerico]

Pretty lousy attempt at looking intimidating. Fuck the hooded coat...it's springtime.

[Bert Velilla]

I now have a cape fetish, you are SOOo hot wow look me up on facebook, Bert V. wow , girl i wanna buy you supper

[generic viagra]

Religious knowledge, according to religious practitioners, may be gained from religious leaders, sacred texts(scriptures), and/or personal revelation. Some religions view such knowledge as unlimited in scope and suitable to answer any question; others see religious knowledge as playing a more restricted role, often as a complement to knowledge gained through physical observation. Some religious people maintain that religious knowledge obtained in this way is absolute and infallible(religious cosmology).