Taking girls out on dates sucks because you spend the whole time trying to be the drunk-genie controlling how pissed you both are. Obviously she’s got to be drunk enough to think you’re nice, then you’ve got to be drunk enough to turn this into sexy, then, because you’re drunk and overstretching your sense of humor, she’s got to be drunk enough to mistake you being offensive for post-irony, then you’ve got to be drunk enough to try and do the sex—but without being so drunk that you loose your hard-on in the cab and you end up making out with a dick that feels like a shit in a balloon. Of course you could do a bunch of coke, but unless she’s a 46-year-old speed freak, doing bumps in a Pizza Express toilet is only going to make her cry. There must be an easier way to get a nice girl other than by monitoring her booze. And oh, shit; I just missed teenage Gypsy bride auction time again!
I can’t believe it’s been nearly a year since the last Day of Saint Todor. Every year lonely young men go to the mud- and romance-filled car parks of Bulgaria and buy themselves teenage brides for up to $45 thousand. It's a magical place where love pours into the air like smog from the exhaust of a 1964 Moskvich 408 Tourist and chokes the happy new couples with the wonder of Horse Easter (yes, yes, the bring-and-buy-a-bride-day is also known as Horse Easter, get over it). I'm done with high-maintenance Oldham girls. I need me a get me some happiness beauty with a gold-tooth smile.
BENJAMIN GREEN
From the article:
'We take our daughters to this gathering so they could get acquainted with boys, for we do not allow our children to go to discos,'
So... you don't allow them to go out but you're more than happy to let them get all skanked up and dance on car tops for the highest bride bidder? I can't say I follow that logic.
Posted by: Brian | 10/03/2009 at 14:19
wow, i thought the guys that went to repo auctions were shady but this is nuts. looks like the gold teeth quota might be about the same though only in bulgaria they're on the chicks.
Posted by: | 10/03/2009 at 14:40
finally a way to score chicks without the unnecessary fillers. skip the courting and flirting and going straight for the gold is what i'm talking about. in this busy day in age who has time for that anyway?
Posted by: timothy mcveigh | 10/03/2009 at 15:28
$45 thousand?? I call bullshit. If they got money like that in Bulgaria wouldnt they be able to afford the proper dental care of their western counterparts.
Posted by: Dilettante | 10/03/2009 at 16:13
45 thousand dollars? do the girls come with a binding contract or something that resembles a pre-nup? i'm guessing they become property of the highest bidder, enabling them to do whatever the fuck they want with these chicks. i would say "poor girls" but they look awfully chummy for someone that's most likely going to be used as something no different from a blow-up doll and a slave.
Posted by: gotta have teef | 10/03/2009 at 16:19
who else was freaked out by the auction scene in Taken?
Posted by: Dog Man X | 10/03/2009 at 19:19
Those are some rosy cheeks
Posted by: Marie | 10/03/2009 at 20:09
Lose your hard-on. If you were to loose your hard-on you might get arrested for public indecency. Though probably not in Bulgarian teen whore, excuse me wife, markets.
Posted by: toothpickmoe | 10/03/2009 at 21:38
they're cute.
and hey, super gay lets celebrate mung bean eating bullshit vicemag can't handle a different culture!
Posted by: edc | 11/03/2009 at 01:40
This is awesome. I would very easily buy one of those girls but not for 45K.
Posted by: Pops | 13/03/2009 at 03:29
I doubt more than a handful actually marry anymore. Even gypsy girls are modernized and want to be "independent" — unless you can hand their folks a few grand in cash.
Posted by: ML | 28/04/2009 at 03:20
Too expensive !!!
Posted by: Byeron | 18/12/2009 at 20:40
it is really good... I like it very much...
Bathmate
Posted by: bath mateus | 23/12/2009 at 18:09