The zygote blood of shitty zines aborted before they ever got a chance to breathe the sour air of nerd halitosis is some tasty, tasty stuff. Here’s a gem we got from someone who ran the computer lab in the children’s section of a suburban library. One of his buddies, an eight-year-old jock named Anthony, scribbled down this scorching missive against the three people he hates most in life: some bitch teacher, a coach who's probably too busy ruffling hair and patting rumps to notice his talent, and an attention-desperate once-famous athlete. It’s amazingly impressive how, in all his rage, he still meticulously follows the stringent set of laws governing the Five Paragraph Essay.
Wonderful. The R.L. Stine of Dickheadz. Peckerheadz, if you will.
Posted by: | 24/02/2009 at 18:54
and i thought our education system was failing, but clearly this little rage-a-holic can lash together some impressive topical essays.
Posted by: nefariousequine | 24/02/2009 at 19:03
i like to think that he folded it up, put it in an envelope and sealed it with a melted maroon crayola.
Posted by: 64 | 24/02/2009 at 19:08
I swear to god, his argument is convincing, in all it's vulgar glory. I applaud you tony
Posted by: wow | 24/02/2009 at 19:10
the top four people i want to see screw themselves are:
1. bob barker- how dare he quit the price is right. who will teach the next generation of kids to fool around with weirdly old models?
2. penelope cruz- i just really want to see that
3. my third grade principal ms. kurtz- she suspended me for getting my ead stuck in a chair
4. anyone who watches lost and talks about the intricate plot twists all ay long when in reality, normal people not addicted to that nonsense couldnt hive a shit. wow, anthony is onto something, that felt really cathartic.
Posted by: wantonwonton | 24/02/2009 at 19:13
my top four
1. kanye west
2. lets not forget that dumb bitch paris hilton, who demolished my house and forced my family into a homeless shelter to make a solarium/spa for her fucking dog
3. vegans
4. tap dancers (its just the shoes, anyone can do it, youre not unique or special or talented or disease free)
Posted by: badteeth | 24/02/2009 at 19:43
Are those Doritos crumbs on the first page?
Posted by: crabjob | 24/02/2009 at 19:44
my top 4 people who should screw there selves....
1. hermaphrodites
2. french artists
3. walt disney
4. benjamin button
Posted by: electricintercourse | 24/02/2009 at 19:45
this essay is strangely missing crude pictures of his dickless enemies- i question its authenticity..at least a scribble of sonic the hedgeheg or a pokemon shooting lightning bolts from his tail into the teeth of his enemies.
Posted by: dungslinger | 24/02/2009 at 19:48
So. Fucking. Awesome.
Posted by: | 24/02/2009 at 20:49
I've been thinking that Ron Englebret should screw himself for a loong time.
Posted by: Bradford | 24/02/2009 at 23:03
1. Jeff Dunham
2. Sean Hannity
3. Nancy Pelosi
Person who should NOT screw them selves because she's like it:
1. MADONNA!!
Posted by: | 25/02/2009 at 00:30
Super informative wirntig; keep it up.
Posted by: Hollie | 04/04/2013 at 05:39
I can already tell that's gonna be super hlefpul.
Posted by: Summer | 04/04/2013 at 05:39