NEW YORK - PERV MESSAGE IN A BOTTLE

There are some things that just shouldn't be written. Such as erotic letters from college guys to teenagers. A friend of ours hung on to this "message in a bottle" (like literally, the dude put it in a bottle) for a long time and recently revisited it while digging through some old junk. It’s an expository love letter that details the author’s perverted fascination of watching the addressee undress through her bedroom window. Then he comes in and basically starts to rape her (except, in his mind, she wants it or something like that woman in Straw Dogs). We’re not going to get into exactly how fucking creepy this thing is, but suffice it to say she was unable to make it to the last page because reading “The soft, warm feeling of your breasts. They melt in my mouth, and so does your body” made her eyes burn like they had a UTI. Keep reading if you want to see just how bad it can get.

Comments

[millie]

let me get this straight. dude writes an über-creepy love note / fantasy. then he goes back and self-edits (why?). then, being thirsty from his maniacal rampage, down a gatorade riptide rush, waits until it dries out, and puts in the letter?

I'm no handwriting expert, but I can tell you without doubt that this guy is cuckoo for cocoapuffs. "your neck's irresistable pulse draws me near like a vampire". uhhh, what?? he most likely went on to a career of offering butterscotch candies to children in kmart parking lots.

I can hear the "voiceover legend" guy from a while back reading this:

"My hands continued to roam freely across your body. Their only mission, to seek pleasure."

Then, a loud explosion, and the film title, 'Pleasure: Mission to Your Anus' pops on the screen.

[SP]

This guy didn't happen to look like Kevin Costner, did he? I had a run-in with him about my wife and a message in a bottle. Let me know. I'd be more than happy to lend a hand in the ass-whooping.

Your friend,
Sean Penn

[Dick Butkus]

This is definitely one of Anne Rice's shittier side projects.

Savor the flavor of your tongue?
Tongues taste like????