I had to go to court yesterday. As it turns out, court is really boring, nothing like all the red-faced yelling and shady defensiveness and bulging-veined anger I'd imagined. All I had to do was wait in an insanely long line leading up to a row of six windows, only one of which was in use--I am now convinced this is a government ploy to completely frustrate and annoy us, installing a bunch of windows in a public service building with no intent of ever putting an actual human behind them, enjoying a good laugh over our bitching about our tax dollars and whatnot--and listen to a woman rap her acrylic tips on a stainless steel counter in between telling people they were dismissed. That's all that happened. I walked up, handed her my little pink piece of paper saying I was bad, and she told me everything was fine, now go away. The reason why I had to be there in the first place was pretty damn exciting, and totally worth it. Here, lemme take you on a little excursion.
A few months back I went to see Miss Pussycat's puppet show on display, like it was a gallery installation, and it made me so excitable I ran outside to scream on my phone to my friend, "I'm having a blast! I'm feeling murderous!" Just then a cop car rolled up, lights a-flashing. Shit, I had a cup of wine in my hand. Unsure if I had a warrant out for my arrest for missing a court date several years ago, I ditched the wine in a plant and ran inside, straight into the bathroom where some girl was peeing. She yelled at me to get out but I told her to calm down, I was just gonna hide from the cops, OK? I hid behind the curtain of a shower stall, which was used as storage for all kinds of boards and papier-mache sculptures.
When the girl walked out of the bathroom I heard the cops ask for her I.D., and I started snickering, texting my friend. Then the cops burst into the bathroom and sniffed around. It was like an episode of Tom and Jerry. I thought I was gonna get away with it, but one of 'em ripped back the shower curtain and I was caught. "Come with me, ma'am."
So I got a stupid open container ticket, big whoop. I sent a check in the mail to take care of it but after a couple months it was never cashed. I figured I'd better go to court so I don't end up like my friend who ditched her summons, then a couple months later was busted for hopping a turnstile and went to jail for two days. So if you want to save yourself $25 and have a day to spare, go ahead and enjoy some delicious nectar on the street. The consequence is no big deal.
This was the line. It took me far too long to figure out I was supposed to get in it. In the meantime, it grew.
One of several windows just for show.
For quite a long time I pondered the contents of alllll these boxes filling the balcony. Does the NYC judicial system not know about computers? (PS: I know these photos are shitty but I was scared to use my flash.)
Headed toward that EXIT sign now. Bye.