Being a girl can really be shit, like when our bodies decide to punish us for not being dumb skanks by hemorrhaging every month. During this special time we end up eating painkillers all day like a cry-for-help self-medicator. What else? Sex is cancelled (it’s not like we expect anyone to go down on us), family members and housemates get pissed about unflushed blood-tissues (yeah, because what you put in the toilet’s fucking gorgeous) and every time we hand a box of tampons over to the 16-year-old at Sainsbury’s he acts like there’s sexual energy passing between us (yes I have a vagina, yes you have a dick, no it’s not going to happen, I’m buying a vaginal doorstop, not chocolate body paint). The only good to come out of the whole mess, other than an unfertilized egg, is being able to wear period knickers.
Claire Sommerville, 23, student
Why are these your period knickers?
Because I wore these the last time I had sex with my boyfriend (before I found out he was cheating on me), so every time I come on I like to think I’m disrespecting him in some way.
When did you first start your period?
I was sitting in the garden when my friend noticed blood on my skirt and she started hyperventilating and screaming stuff. We were about 12 though.
What’s the worst thing that’s happened to you while on your period?
Periods and one-night stands don’t mix. I slept with this guy who suddenly woke up at the shitty end of 7 AM and plainly told me he wanted a bacon sandwich. I was quite drunk still and didn’t know what to make of his straightforward cunt-talking just yet so I did as he asked. I went to the kitchen but on the way back bumped into him as he was trying to leg it down the stairs half dressed. I asked him where he was going but he just grabbed the food from the plate and ran off saying “I’ll take this to go!” I understood what was up when I got back to my room and there was so much blood smeared on the sheets it looked as if something had been gutted.
What are your thoughts on period sex?
Only OK if you both know what’s going on. I had a friend once who didn’t tell her boyfriend she was on and he was so dumb he thought he was bleeding from his penis.
Would you object to a guy going down on you?
Not really. My periods are really light so if someone’s into that thing then why not?
Does using a tampon feel like sex?
I don’t use tampons anymore. I got a really tiny one stuck up there for 3 days when I was 15.
Nicole Underwood, 20, student
Why are these your period knickers?
Because your period knickers are where knickers go to die. And these wouldn’t turn anyone on, apart from maybe a pedophile because they look like they belong to a seven-year-old.
When did you first start your period?
I was in year ten French and the first to start out of all my friends. I cried when I told my mum because I felt like a slut and also because I thought the blood would come gushing out. I was also too scared to put a tampon up there so I had to deal with sanitary towels, which basically feels like you’re sitting in it.
What’s the worst thing that’s happened to you while on your period?
I remember being on work experience and I had to choose between delivering a package in record time or stopping the blood from dripping down my leg.
What are your thoughts on period sex?
I’ve only had proper period sex once and that was when I was on holiday and it was a now-or-never situation. I remember the guy being like, “Sex is better for girls when they’re on their period.” Who the fuck made that up!? Why would you want something ramming you when you’ve already got cramps?
Would you object to a guy going down on you?
Not if he was into it.
Does using a tampon feel like sex?
Not at all, why is that?
Louise Saywell, 22, digital marketing assistant
Why are these your period knickers?
Because they’re like hot pants so will catch any leaks. They’re also very sturdy and a nice pink color so no staining would show up.
Tell us about when you first started your period…
I remember in year six the teachers told us what periods were and I was horrified. I spent the next three years constantly checking my knickers for blood but didn’t actually start till I was 14.
What’s the worst thing that’s happened to you while on your period?
Probably loads of things I can’t remember, but I seem to have a vague memory of blood dripping down my leg in public when I was wearing a skirt. That’s always pretty bad.
What are your thoughts on period sex?
Only OK with a long-term boyfriend and even then it would depend on the heaviness of the flowflow. I would never do it with someone I wasn’t in a relationship with.
Would you object to a guy going down on you?
There’s no way I’d let anyone’s mouth go down there when I was on. R-A-N-K.
Does using a tampon feel like sex?
Yeah if you were having sex with someone with a dick the size of a finger who just stuck it in and didn’t move.
Anna Thompson, 19, gap year student
Why are these your period knickers?
If I don’t wear boy shorts it gets messy.
When did you first start your period?
I started my period when I was 15 or 16 and on a plane to New York. I planned not to leave my seat for the entire journey because it had leaked onto the chair. But towards the end the kid sitting next to me got travel sick or whatever and so I was forced to get up. If we were going to France it would have been fine but this American air stewardess took me aside, gave me some towels and started telling me about the birds and the bees as if I was going to start hooking up with people there and then.
What’s the worst thing that’s happened to you while on your period?
I have to wash my period knickers in boiling water to get the stains out (nice). My housemate and three of his friends found them in the sink and they started throwing them at each other. That was slightly humiliating. Also, my cat walked in on me putting in a tampon once.
What are your thoughts on period sex?
It depends if a guy is big or not. If he has a small/normal size dick you really don’t want any extra lubrication.
Would you object to a guy going down on you?
Only if he was shit at it.
Does using a tampon feel like sex?
Not with those shitty applicator tampons.
Jenna Walker, 23, design intern
Why are these your period knickers?
Well I know most girls wear crappy knickers for their period but I just don’t have any ugly underwear I’m afraid. My boyfriend used to make fun of my granny pants, so I got rid of them.
When did you start getting your period?
I honestly thought I’d never get it because I didn’t start till I was 18. I was having sex at 16 though, that’s weird isn’t it? I remember my brother making fun of me so I filled his room with tampons.
What’s the worst thing that’s happened to you while on your period?
Loads of things have happened. Like having to borrow tampons from my boyfriend’s mum was pretty embarrassing. But the worst thing is when the tampon has been in you all day and it’s so full of blood it starts to fall out and you’re in public or something and your knickers get soaked.
What are your thoughts on period sex?
No way, mine are too heavy. It would be like a massacre.
Would you object to a guy going down on you?
I wouldn’t want to go out with a guy who thought that was cool.
Does using a tampon feel like sex?
Yeah, sometimes I prefer it to sex.
FIONA COOK
christ, i would not want to witness jenna's lacy crotch when the blood fairy visits. she must get sopped.
Posted by: logan | 22/01/2009 at 20:58
one of my friends (a girl, too) says she likes going down on girls on their period because it "tastes like pennies".
Posted by: el guapo | 22/01/2009 at 21:05
fuck that jazz. i won't even go near my girlfriend when she's on the rag. paradoxically, i firmly believe girls "on" should be doling out blow jobs like gideons bibles.
Posted by: | 22/01/2009 at 21:27
that toilet seat is narsty. i hope she wiped that down.
Posted by: chris | 22/01/2009 at 21:31
My boyfriend calls me Jane Austen because of my constant period-dramas.
He thinks its funny but then I just call him a cunt and refuse to suck him off for a week. Whos laughing now.
I'm so glad God gave me that forcefield of making my vagina look like it's been stabbed though.
Loves a beautiful thing.
Posted by: Louise Haynes | 22/01/2009 at 21:49
you think those stories are embarrassing?
try getting your period for the first time,(11) wearing white pants! and then later in high school getting it super heavy and soaking my jeans!in front of classmates.
fuck!
Posted by: awful | 22/01/2009 at 22:19
if you lived in santa cruz california, girls go to school wearing skirts with no underwear and let their period blood flow everywhere...
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http://www.icantbelievetheydidthat.com
Posted by: icantbelievetheydidthat | 23/01/2009 at 04:59
damn i miss my period...
Posted by: hell no | 25/01/2009 at 00:34
I love my wife, i'm happy to go down on her any time and sex is fine during her period, we just get a towel out first
Posted by: Stuart | 11/05/2009 at 11:53
what the fuck is up with you british sons of bitces
Posted by: lenny | 14/07/2009 at 07:49
OMG
i was cannoeing in France last year. I fell in the water i had my pad on but when i got back to the villa my panties were red all over the blood was all over my pants. I had to throw them away cos i could not tell my dad
I do not where white pants any more
Posted by: Amz | 21/07/2009 at 21:36
This was a rather fun read! Didn't know the British were so open about this... or maybe just the 5 girls demoed in this article. It's too bad that girls would consider canceling sex during her period, what a shame... after all, that's a 1/4mo of sexless days down the drain every month! Men should spend more time learning about periods and not avoiding them like the plague... blah.
Posted by: XKaliber | 06/01/2010 at 21:07
Mother nature is a cruel bitch
Posted by: Amy | 15/10/2010 at 07:41
i had my full period when i was 11 it was sooo sore
Posted by: natalie | 04/04/2011 at 22:01