The other night Cannabis Corpse needed someone volunteer their bag of bones and wear the giant weed bud costume and thrash around in the crowd. So I did. The costume smelled of many many many men, and beer, and scrotum, and more beer and MORE scrotes. I was so anxious to rocket myself into the evening, gender ambiguity aflame, freak flag flying free. But, I forgot one lesson I should have wisely recalled from an embarrassingly brutal moment for me at a Suffocation show last July. I will teach this lesson to my children.
A death metal crowd will injure you. You will bleed. You will be punched in the stomach. You will be groped. And, not just groped, but groped with a twisting grip which aims to bruise. Your eyes are for jabbing, your whole entire self is meant for a slamming and a beat-down. Ouchy.
And that's exactly what I got. I ran into the crowd inside this giant bud-o-weed costume like a pudgy baby running after bubbles in the air. Super totally not not not death metal. I figured I was "kind bud," so I began to hug everybody. But men didn't know I was a woman in there. That is when the mauling began. Immediately after I delivered the first hug my body was grabbed from the back and I felt myself swing uncontrollably off the ground. I tried to run away but I couldnt see, and then someone grabbed me at the waist and my feet were off the floor and I was heading backward. I was starting to think about how my vagina could land on sharp objects. I assume this was better than visiting an S & M club or a spanking party or something. Come to think of it, I totally want to go to a friggn S & M club or a spanking party. Finally, I broke through the crowd and ran for safety, ripping at the costume, gasping for breath.
The moral of this story is that I totally cannot hang. I guess from now on I should not do what dudes do. I should wake up like a real lady for a latte and some yoga tomorrow morning. Maybe turn it up a notch and pop an Adderall and insert some Ben Wa balls. Wait, is that what those gals are doing?
"kind bud" gives me the nerd chills
Posted by: jj | 20/01/2009 at 17:37
is it cannabis or cannibal?
Posted by: Satan Davis Jr. | 20/01/2009 at 17:44
shouldn't that be i dressed up AS cannibal corpse's weed monster?
Posted by: devin | 20/01/2009 at 17:58
nice stems, baby, but what's with the schwag face?
Posted by: zeus | 20/01/2009 at 18:33
Definitely Cannabis Corpse.
Posted by: | 20/01/2009 at 18:42
Y'all are on the ball today. What, you get bored watching the new president coverage? Regardless, all better now. Thanks.
Posted by: vice | 20/01/2009 at 19:33
Cannabis Corpse=weed inspired Cannibal Corpse tribute band
If you want a weirder CC tribute band, check out Acoustic Corpse, Cannibal Corpse songs played unplugged.
Posted by: dude | 20/01/2009 at 19:43
Mullet Chad is definitely impressed.
Posted by: failing_at_life | 21/01/2009 at 00:02
...or maybe stop going for washed up bro-metal bands... Suffocation? Really? Just throwing that in there to sound hard?
Yeesh. That's almost as bad as saying "yeah, so yesterday me and the guys from napalm death were out enjoying a walk in the snow...."
Posted by: be a lady?..... | 21/01/2009 at 00:23
that last comment is rediculous
has no bearing on anything...
just throwing that in there to sound cool?
Posted by: be a dummy | 21/01/2009 at 03:19
This got us way fucking stoked, and thus we knocked off a few bucks off all the CANNABIS CORPSE vinyl for the rest of the month. Just cause of you Vice.
www.roboticempire.com/store
p.s. my wife made this costume in one stoney day
Posted by: Robotic Empire | 21/01/2009 at 03:30
It looks like Obama is underneath it
Posted by: Lemontree | 21/01/2009 at 04:30
its cannabis corpse its a tribute band to cannibal but they growl about weed and being under the influince like one of their song tittles blunted at birth
Posted by: carnicero | 21/01/2009 at 04:57
that's probably the coolest thing I've seen in a Vice magazine. what the fuck is bro-metal, cause if it's really a genre that people made up suffocation isn't.. Shark Punch and xLiferuinerx would be though.
Posted by: badmotherfucker | 21/01/2009 at 07:53
woah this band looks so cool, im going to their next concert
Posted by: | 21/01/2009 at 08:18
I might go see them at Midwest Fuckfest in Milwaukee.
Posted by: | 21/01/2009 at 17:28
bro metal? shut the fuck up. suffocation and napalm death are real fucking death metal. you're probably some trendy hipster faggot... wait, you read vice magazine online. you're *definitely* a trendy hipster faggot.
Posted by: demian | 21/01/2009 at 19:00
Adriane, you're lovely enough for the latte and the yoga but you can always hang with the coolest and the hardest! Now here's some Napalm Death...goooooooooooo! {and I'm Courtnaaaaay! (inside joke, sorry New Yorkers)
Posted by: Jazzy Jas | 22/01/2009 at 06:01
Hi excellent blog about cannabis!!!
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John B. Barnhart
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you made it??
is very good!
|katha|
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