Recently we were forced to ban from our web site one sad little dimwit for a barrage of pointless, unfunny comments that were heavily peppered with racial slurs. Generally we're not much for giving a shit about people's internet leavin's, but these were approaching the realm of Pete Holmes's "LMAO these chiggers suk." Like previous incidents, we wrote the commenter off as your garden variety 35-year-old porn addict, but then, a few days later, our publisher received a voicemail from a self-proclaimed "naive 14-year-old" who likes to sum things up "briefly and practically." Her "personal complaint" was that our "magazine fucking sucks." It's easily the best phone message we've received this year. Click further for to a'listen.
this girl sounds like my spoiled-ass little sister. fuck her
Posted by: | 07/01/2009 at 16:48
file a personal complaint? okay, hold on and let me get out our personal complaint form from the locked, fire-proof, file room where we keep them. we're putting three middle managers and two interns on it. you should expect to hear something in 6-8 weeks. thanks for your call!
Posted by: viceroy | 07/01/2009 at 16:48
haha 14-year-old from tampa, haha!
Posted by: | 07/01/2009 at 16:49
shes right.
Posted by: stabacadaver | 07/01/2009 at 16:57
i bet it's killing her to not be able to post on this...
Posted by: | 07/01/2009 at 16:57
what a corny bitch
Posted by: rod | 07/01/2009 at 16:58
why bother if it sucks so much?
god people have too much time on their hands. bring back crochet or something
Posted by: bozmund | 07/01/2009 at 17:02
the thing that has always perplexed me about the commenters on this site is their constant need to tell vice that they suck. so, they suck, and you, a "web-surfer," log on here every chance you get to tell them so. don't you suck? i mean, let's put it this way. if you were out on a date with someone and had explain the scenario to them i highly doubt you'd be getting your genitals drooled on: "oh so there's this magazine that has a website and they suck! they are unfunny, rude bitches and i log on every other day to leave disparaging comments about how stupid they all are. isn't that great? isn't that so awesome?"
wouldn't it be so much less effort not to log on ever and go do some sit-ups or something? i mean, seriously, any of you little fuckers listening? can you throw me a bone? what's the point? explain yourselves.
Posted by: hairy bellybutton | 07/01/2009 at 17:05
She's actually right about Vice sucking,minus the racial slurs. Trendy Hipsters
Posted by: Ken | 07/01/2009 at 17:07
if she hates it so much, DON'T READ IT!? Like, DMY, duh.
Posted by: | 07/01/2009 at 17:12
hey ken, want to answer my question? WHY ARE YOU HERE LEAVING COMMENTS? i usually avoid things i think suck so badly and it would be one pretty big fucking happy coincidence that you happened to log in for the first time in a year to comment on a blog post.
Posted by: hairy bellybutton | 07/01/2009 at 17:39
fuck. of course she's from tampa and of course she's proud of the fact.
Posted by: Annie | 07/01/2009 at 18:47
Vicemag def sucks and so does Primus.
Posted by: gringo loco | 07/01/2009 at 18:47
i love vice and i love this little girl. good for her, taking the time to call.
i'm gonna stop smoking so much weed and start picking up my phone to tell people how much they suck.
this girl is fucking rad. she's wrong, but she's rad.
-ed zipco
Posted by: Zipper | 07/01/2009 at 18:50
just goes to show you the more people are enlightened, the ones who are left behind look more and more stupid.
Posted by: JWB3 | 07/01/2009 at 18:59
former intern?
Posted by: | 07/01/2009 at 19:20
oh no. i live near tampa. this place is shit. no more shitty than any other shit city but its still shit. ill have you know, i am not proud of being from tampa. those fucking kids get me so bummed every time they show up to a bar that had the potential to rule and rule hard. with your fucking awkward song requests (keeping shitty dj's working. ps, djs already suck.) and that cool hipster "i am tripping so hard right now" dancing...or siezures whatever...yeah, its cool to drink pbr and suck and everything you try....ahhh ok ok. fuck that weird little bitch. fuck her fucking complaint. fuck the fact that she ACTUALLY thought she was cool at 14, i mean, fuck kid....get your fucking first period, get fucked, and check back. && if shes so damn sassy...then why not post up some pictures, an email address...myspace accnt...so i can fucking find you and beat the fuck out of you mmmk? jesus. baby prostitutes are so fucking mouthy.
Posted by: | 07/01/2009 at 19:28
and i LOVE that she's from florida. i'm from florida and i'm there right now, hiding from the snow abortion that i hear brooklyn has turned into.
its too sunny outside, so im drinking coffee and commenting on funny shit online. (Vay-Cay, Bay-Bay.)
Tampa fucking sucks, Florida fucking sucks. However, it's AWESOME to move the hell away and visit florida a decade later, treating it like a cheap motel with ceilings you can burn brown and black with your metaphorical methlab.
so girl, keep your chin up, you bitchy little 14 year old. Dont O.D. on painkillers and tranqs like half the girls i knew in HS. (Your stupid friends won't bring you to the hospital because they think they'll get arrested. they wont, the cowards.) and you'll never grow up to know how good it feels to hit the road and never come back. (for more than a few days in the sun, that is.)
and for the record, the reasons florida RULES only dawn on you when you leave. Here's 5 reasons off the top of my head.
1) Speed metal was born here. (and Deicide.)
2)Meth labs are hysterical (cause they blow up for little more than leaving your phone on the table set to vibrate) and they pepper the entire state like someone loosened the top of the shaker as a prank.
3)People run around shotgunning gators, sharks, wild boars and whatever else gets on their land, or the swamp that's nearby.
4)They passed a law that you can open fire on anyone you feel threatened by. Not people that actually THREATEN you, but anyone that gives you the willies. and you can do that anywhere, not just on your property. like, in the mall. seriously, its crazy.
5)the 561 gang, our local problem, is fucking INSANE. they make videos and sell them online of them having gunfights in parking lots with AK-47's and outside of clubs with grenades. its goddamn GTA down here.
and that rules.
it sucks you have to leave your hometown to love it, but them's the breaks, kiddo.
Posted by: Zipper | 07/01/2009 at 19:35
"this girl sounds like my spoiled-ass little sister. fuck her"
you want us to fuck your little sister?
Posted by: | 07/01/2009 at 20:00
hahaha its true you guys blow
Posted by: alex | 07/01/2009 at 20:10
yeah go ahead, fuck my little sister. asshole.
Posted by: | 07/01/2009 at 20:12
Do you think she saw this post?
I say we all chip in, buy her world of warcraft - she'll disappear to her witches cave for a couple of years, come out with ginger hair, spots and pig fat. That'll teach her.
Posted by: Crackity | 07/01/2009 at 20:50
First!!!!!
Posted by: Alex | 07/01/2009 at 20:55
Racist brats, not hot!
Posted by: LV | 07/01/2009 at 21:07
sounds like a socialite
Posted by: | 08/01/2009 at 00:31