If 2008 will be remembered for anything, it will go down as the year that faceless enigmas like Burial, Neckface and Banksy have been outed. You can now add my name to that list because my identity has just been revealed by Tinchy Stryder.
After discovering that I'd compared him to Kermit the Frog, the diminutive grime MC turned token-urban-act-of-choice-for-14-year-old-emo-kids-from-Rotherham-to-be-into- until-they-discover-Enter-Shikari flew into a fit of rage and posted an emotional and cutting rant on his blog. He started off by announcing: "I don’t think this man called John or ‘Prancehall’ likes me very much!" He then went on to falsely insinuate that I had been privately educated: "He likes to review grime releases and hates them all apart from those he can laugh at with his public school mateys."
Tinchy – who should be an expert on posh grime fans since his manager is the son of Norwich MP Norman Lamb – even went as far as comparing me to Prince Charles. (I'd like to think I'm more like lovable rogue Prince Harry, actually – but without the same penchant for dressing up in Nazi attire).
If that wasn't enough, he also cunningly uncovered a picture of myself (that I put up on my publicly viewable MySpace page over a year) which he made his MySpace profile image for a day with the intensely hurtful caption "John is Angry".
Vice has a longstanding history of run-ins with rappers. Earlier this year Thomas Morton was dissed in the press by Young Jeezy after he asked the rapper a question about boiled peanuts in a VBS interview. When Vice published a picture of Dizzee Rascal holding a knife in 2003, his manager threatened to tear Vice UK Editor Andy Capper "limb from limb". Jewish American emcee Necro also once threatened to stab us. And now this.
Well, I think it's time to quash this beef with Mr Stryder before things get out of hand. Tinch, if you're reading this I just wanna say that I'm really sorry, you don't actually sound like Kermit – you are much more similar to Kermit's little nephew Robin.