OK, while all you Americans are rubbing your hands together in preparation for an amazing new leader, you've totally forgotten one thing that's going to massively suffer if Obama gets in: political satire. As much as everyone hates George W. Bush, think of all the hilarious jokes you've had at his expense over the past seven-and-three-quarter years. There is no way Obama can even begin to follow this. I can't think of one funny thing to say about him.
On the other hand, look at all the hilarious entertainment McCain and Palin have given the world in the past few months. People are always yammering on about his temper and how he still calls Vietnamese people gooks. But imagine if the US was on the brink of a nuclear war with North Korea and McCain and Kim Jong Il were going back and forth at some table and McCain flipped out and said "That's it, I'm going to nuke your gooky little ass back to Pingpongyang!" How hilarious would that be? Yes, we'd all probably be dead but for that moment it would be the funniest thing in the world.
What has Obama given us? A bunch of well-crafted speeches? Boring!
And fuck Sarah Silverman, Sarah Palin is basically the funniest woman in the US right now. Have you seen that site where it's her in the Oval Office and she says stuff whenever you click something? Google it. It's great. And they keep adding in new things. I'm not even going to get into that gif where it looks like she's saying "My pussy's so hot" and the other guy looks like he's going "Mmmmh. Mmmmhmmm," but it is possibly the best thing anybody has made all year. If Palin doesn't get in, Tina Fey is gone forever (which isn't so terrible, considering she kind of ripped off Sara Benincasa to begin with).
I don't even know who Obama's vice presidential candidate is. I have literally no idea what he looks like or what his voice sounds like but I'm pretty sure he's never been prank called by someone pretending to be a foreign president. If Palin becomes vice president she'll be falling for the same trick every week. If she gets into office, Jonathan Ross and Russell Brand will most likely have a weekly feature on their new radio show where they call her up and describe sex acts they've performed on her pregnant daughter while pretending to be Vladimir Putin and Ephraim Inoni of the Cameroon.
How is Michael Moore gonna do a follow up to that really boring film about healthcare if Obama fixes everything and makes health insurance affordable? What else will be left for the fat oaf to ask rhetorical questions about for an hour and a half while sad music plays in the background?
Plus, did you see the way Obama rejected Ludacris after the guy went and made him a song? That was fucking brutal. Daddy Yankee came out and offered his support for McCain and, as much as I'm sure he wanted to, he didn't disown him and tell him to stop making really annoying reggaeton songs.
Why does America get to have a good leader anyway? Name me one other country in the world with a good leader. They get Taco Bell, Hershey's chocolate, Twinkies, they get films six months before us and now they want the world's most charming leader? Well, you know what, America, fuck you. You don't deserve it.
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