DEAR VICE - CUCKOO IN KOKOMO, OR, A RIDDLE IN MORE THAN 20 PAGES

Oh look what showed up in the fax machine last night: a 20-something-page diatribe on cable TV's embarrassments, the author's own neurosis (as told from third-person POV, no less), and FCC corruption. He might have some sort of point about that last one, but it's lost in a tornado of horribly written nonsense, including but not limited to how he called the cops on a suspicious vehicle in a gas station's parking lot, was arrested and spent ten days in jail for it, and suffered $80,000 in dental damage as a result. Somehow it all links to Wendy O. Williams, UFO conspiracy, tons of canceled movies (we really wish the anti-terrorist film Amerikkka 3000 would've seen the light of day), and several D-list actresses—one of whom accidentally agreed to have lunch with him at a California Pizza Kitchen—who've gone "missing." By his definition it seems "missing" means "changed their number after I've harassed them repeatedly." But we'll stop talking about it now lest we start sounding like the kook himself. If anyone feels like taking a swing at this piñata of paranoid noise, go for it.

Comments

[goober]

quite a diatribe here. superb.

[ehhh]

thats fuckin epic

[Fab]

You just don't get this level of crazy nowadays. He's an example to us all.

[JEB]

I guess I didn't realize that magazines get the same sort of unsolicited mail lawyers get.

This one has everything but the CIA mind control brain implants.

Or maybe I just missed that. . . .

[discount new balance sneakers]

A lot of people usually go into these competitions to get their shot at winning the esteemed titles. However, the fun doesn't have to stop when the summer sun hides behind the clouds of the autumn season.