Oh look what showed up in the fax machine last night: a 20-something-page diatribe on cable TV's embarrassments, the author's own neurosis (as told from third-person POV, no less), and FCC corruption. He might have some sort of point about that last one, but it's lost in a tornado of horribly written nonsense, including but not limited to how he called the cops on a suspicious vehicle in a gas station's parking lot, was arrested and spent ten days in jail for it, and suffered $80,000 in dental damage as a result. Somehow it all links to Wendy O. Williams, UFO conspiracy, tons of canceled movies (we really wish the anti-terrorist film Amerikkka 3000 would've seen the light of day), and several D-list actresses—one of whom accidentally agreed to have lunch with him at a California Pizza Kitchen—who've gone "missing." By his definition it seems "missing" means "changed their number after I've harassed them repeatedly." But we'll stop talking about it now lest we start sounding like the kook himself. If anyone feels like taking a swing at this piñata of paranoid noise, go for it.