MELBOURNE - RIDE THE LIGHTNING AT 33 RPM

Here it is, finally! Some dork spent money on the new, useless double Lp 45 RPM re-issue of 'Tallica's classic album Ride The Lightning! Then, after eating dinner with his mother and folding his socks and undies, he got out his fancy-pants new mp3-ripping turntable and recorded the entire album at the wrong, slower speed. I'm not going to post a link because I don't need some balding loser who decided that it was time to get into dressing rockabilly at age 47 trying to sue us. Blow me and use google. It's everywhere and they can't stop it!
JSIII

LONDON - CAN WE ALL PAYPAL SOME MONEY TO DIDDY?

Let's hope that when they find a way to help those being crushed by the rising price of fuel, first in the line for assistance is P Diddy. The man is suffering, damnit:

"Gas prices are too motherfucking high. As you know, I do own my own jet and I have been having flying back and forth to LA pursuing my acting career. Now, if I'm flying back and forth, like, twice in a month that's like $200,000 or $250,000 round trip. FUCK that. I'm back on American Airlines right now. Ok? Your boy Diddy right now is on American Airlines. Look. I want to give a shout out to all my Saudi Arabian brothers and sisters and all my brothers and sisters from all the countries that have oil, if you could all please send me some oil for my jet I would truly appreciate it. But right now, can you believe it, I am actually flying commercial. That's how high gas prices are ok, so I feel you. Look, I'm at the gate right now. This is proof that gas prices are too high, we need to do something about it, so tell whoever the next president is that we need to bring gas back down."

SIMON

LONDON - WHICH NATIONALITY MOST IRRITATES YOU?

Is there any nationality that really irritates you?
Eleanor: English.
Are you English?
I’m half-Irish. I don’t like the way the English all jump on the bandwagon of St Patrick’s Day. Why don’t you celebrate St George’s Day? Also, killing a dragon’s not the same as chasing snakes.

AMSTERDAM - SUPER DUCE

We don't know what nefarious toxin has been slipped the Man of Steel in this video from some Dutch rave (although we're guessing it might start and/or end with a K), but for all its debilitative effects thank god it at least imbued him with the power to pull off the best thirty-minute-long silent Mussolini impression the world has ever seen.

MEMPHIS - EXCLUSIVES

In the world of local-news reporting there is no juicier, more delicious, right-within-biting-range-r carrot than getting an exclusive. It shows that you're ahead of the pack, that you're a real journalist, not just some olive-suited shlub driving around in a van with a police scanner, but someone who can dig deep into the tangled fabric of society and wrest the truth from its murky surroundings. Sometimes, however, it just shows that you are a chronic masturbator. PS: We'd cut the reporter in the below footage a little slack if he didn't have one of the horniest faces we'd seen since this guy. Seriously though, right? It's not just us here, is it?

NEW YORK - A CONSTANT STATE OF DREADS

Here's a question for all you godless Darwin-types out there: If natural selection really kills off those attributes least suited for survival, how come we are still being plagued by white people who think letting their hair grow into one long, bug-infested crap of a turd will get them laid some 30 years after they started turning stomachs? The guy with the infinity-dread number feeding back into the scalp which birthed it was sent to us by a reader earlier this summer. The left one was spotted at the East River Bar over the weekend by this guy who shoots for us after he managed to shanghai a female member of their party and impress her into a 40-minute term of shitty-breathed boredom service. Assuming that in each case the dread has taken over for the brain by this point, we aren't going to bother with the question of what they're thinking. But how do they sleep at night? I mean literally, how do they do it? Do they tuck the lock between their legs like one of those body pillows for frigid dowagers, or do they let it cascade off the side of the waterbed (no question) so the rats can nibble the ends at their own comfort and leisure?

HOLLAND - SUPERMAN ON KRYPTONITE

Here's footage of Superman falling victim to a dose of Kryptonite at the Mysteryland dance music festival last weekend. See how The Man of Steel's day took a turn for the worse.

LONDON - SNIFFER DOGS STINK

Dear Vice,
I used to think sniffer dogs were adorable when I saw them busting city boys carrying Friday night wraps at Liverpool Street station. But now there are so many dogs detecting drugs on the underground that I can’t go anywhere and it’s harshing my mellow. The Met Police has over 250 dogs and hundreds more are being supplied by private security firms to patrol festivals this summer. I almost got busted during carnival by a sniffer dog unit at the entrance to Paddington tube. I avoided the checkpoint by doing that thing where you suddenly act all dumb and pretend you're going the wrong way. Don’t for one minute think you can sneak by these mutts. While a packed station can be a sensory overload to their noses, once that Cockerspaniel sits down by you you're done for. Even if you double wrap it and spray it and put it in a baggy in foil in a roll of film in a shampoo bottle shoved up your ass, these dogs will find it.

BOOK - TRUE NORWEGIAN BLACK METAL

You know the VBS documentary True Norwegian Black Metal? Well, the photographer who helped us make it, Peter Beste, has collaborated with us again to put out an over-sized tome by the same name. This visceral photographic journey is the result of eight years working in an isolated, secretive and often violent musical subculture. Beste gained unprecedented access to members of this extremist underground, some of whom have committed murder, burned down medieval wooden churches, and desecrated graveyards. You can buy True Norwegian Black Metal here and see selected images after the jump...

GERMANY - GYM CANDY

To get these pecs this 21-year-old German jock didn't care that the steroids were shriveling his balls and ruining his sperm. But I doubt he's dealing too well with the horrific acne that broke out across his prized chest and left him permanently scarred. See photo (Warning: gross).