Our first installment from the diary of Tournier Regare...
Had intended to start this diary aimed at chronicling an uninitiated American's struggle to adjust to life in this land of reputed inhibition and austerity back when I first arrived here 5 weeks ago. My most arduous struggle has been to find any differences between my homeland and the UK. Living in Texas (The Americas) for half of this decade, my skill for identifying and observing the nuanced peculiarities of native populations was finely honed by years spent marveling at the mysterious, gigantic cinder-block temple structures (which the colonials term "mega churches") ubiquitously disseminated throughout an area greater than that of the United Kingdom and applying astute scholastic scrutiny upon the worshipers (comprising nearly every living being of that vast region) who went to and from these great structures. My methodical examination of the mystifying behavioral quirks of the denizens of that alluring yet vexing land might have prepared me better for the one phenomenon here that has required my most urgent attention: cleavage.
It is everywhere. Not only out there for Saturday night social rituals but ripely exposed mid-week, throughout crowds on buses, in children's museums, and in pubs frequented by only the elderly. And it is just as often attached to women who otherwise appear to be trying to present themselves as equals in the arena of commerce and management.
My American colleague reckons it is regarded by natives as merely another fashion accessory, to be buffed, carefully arranged and prominently displayed so as to leave no doubt as to what might be in store in the liberating atmosphere of privacy. [note to self: Could this behavior be an extension of the ancient British proclivity for vigilant accounting of all things? - "By order of the King, all women shall keep in plain view all of their God-given assets, and make available upon demand an un-obscured viewing of said holdings."]
Whatever the case, this will require much further observation.
TOURNIER REGARE
Hands up who gets paid by the word? Fucking hell this article is verbose. I started reading it and by half way through it was all just words words words blah blah blah.
"UK women show more cleavage than Texan women".
Done.
Posted by: Wolf359 | 12/08/2008 at 14:42
"UK women show more cleavage than Texan women".
It draws the eyes down from their hideous, hideous faces.
Posted by: Eli! | 12/08/2008 at 16:05
shut up already.
Posted by: | 12/08/2008 at 17:28
A little long in the tooth maybe? Fuck.
Posted by: aims | 12/08/2008 at 20:13
this
Posted by: fuck | 12/08/2008 at 23:56
brevity fail
Posted by: chafferidge chof chof | 13/08/2008 at 08:34
epic fail
Posted by: | 27/08/2008 at 22:45
brilliant
Posted by: Jessica | 16/10/2008 at 18:48
Totes agree with Wolf - this thing is SO wordy. This tends to happen with writers in their late teens - they discover multi-syllabic words and believe peppering every single sentence with them will look intellectual. It doesn't. Brevity is the soul of wit and the truly great writer is a master in the art of concise.
Yes I see the irony in the length of my comment and what it is saying.
BTW - I'm an american living in london, and there are certainly a fuck of a lot more interesting disparities between the two countries to remark on than this fucking cleavage bullshit.
Posted by: Chantal | 30/10/2008 at 17:58
Yeah, right.
I live in London too.
I dunno where you live or what route you take to work but it must be dodge because there is not much cleavage on show
- DO YOU KNOW HOW COLD IT IS HERE!
Agreed - terminal fail and stringy hyperbole.
What an edgy, prefabricated musing on a city full of reasonably prude (I admit) people.
Enjoy London
Posted by: british | 12/11/2008 at 10:57
Be more direct. It's way funnier.
HCM
Posted by: Ho Chi Minh | 07/12/2008 at 20:34
I am moving to London on Tuesday from Oslo. Glad I have something to look forward to.... cleavage and Camden.
Posted by: Hilde | 14/01/2009 at 19:11
Camden is a shithole.
unless you buy into shit music like amy winehouse.
or unless youre a 15 year old.
or unless youre a tourist rubber necking at the "alternative" people.
Posted by: pops | 29/03/2009 at 22:14
WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT YOU REDNECK????
Posted by: marki | 16/04/2009 at 15:08
This dumbass gives Texans a bad name.... Nice work Vice don't you hang out with a bunch of people from Texas every march at SXSW in Austin... that is the college town of Texas and you couldn't find one person in an entire city that has five colleges in it that was just a little brighter than this lack-wit.... way to drop the ball on that one boys and girls
Posted by: shitler | 15/06/2009 at 21:18
someone likes the thesaurus...
Posted by: pepe | 24/06/2009 at 19:19
http://www.tumblr.com/tumblelog/coca
inemate
Posted by: lola | 15/08/2009 at 14:43